CSA & Guilt - TRIGGER WARNING

I have contemplated writing this thread because I know it is an extremely hard thing for people to talk about and also it is such a big trigger for some people, myself included. It has taken me a week to hit the Post button.I have also looked at a few different threads but could not find one specific on this. I will apologise to anyone now if I trigger them, make them feel uncomfortable or cause them distress. That was certainly not what I wanted. I am hoping from this that I can understand more about my past and the guilt I have held onto for a long time.

So, when I was 8 I was sexually assaulted by a family member for about 2.5 years. Like a lot of people, I never told anyone at the time and have only very recently told my psychologist. I had buried the memories for a long time and it was only through other traumas I experienced in the last 4 years, has this trauma surfaced.

So that is a brief background however I wanted to talk about guilt and CSA. They are probably two words that shouldn't go together but they seem to.

Why is it that there is so much guilt and shame associated with CSA. I can honestly say that I blame myself for what happened. I am ashamed and embarrassed about what happened too. And why is that?

I know all the logical things to say, I was only 8, I didn't know what was happening, he was the adult not me, I was groomed, etc, etc,etc. I have heard all of these statements from my psychologist, yet the feelings of guilt do not go away.

Guilty because I should have know better, guilty i didn't speak up, guilty that because I didn't speak up it could have happened to someone else. The list goes on.

So the question I struggle with is why do we feel so guilty for being a victim of CSA? (Or any sexual assault for that matter)

If you feel like responding that is fine, if you feel like just reading and not responding then that's fine too. Once again I apologise if I have upset anyone in anyway. That was never my intention.