CSA & Guilt - TRIGGER WARNING

THIS MIGHT BE A TRIGGER FOR PEOPLE:

So I started this thread the other week for myself but also for other people to look at how CSA and guilt are intertwined together. And I don't think it is just guilt but alot of other emotions that go along with CSA. Shame, anger, embarassment just to name a few. The next story is extrmely hard to tell for me and one that is the catalyst for why I feel so much guilt, but think it is important in the journey.

It was about 6 months after everything had started and I was asked out of the blue by my parents if my assaulter had tried to do anything to me. I of course said no. By that stage I was "groomed" into total fear and silence. But why did they ask? They must have suspected something? Had he tried it on someone else? These are all questions I do not have answers for and maybe I never will. So this is my main guilt, That I did not say yes. That I could have stopped it then and there. But I can't turn back time, so it is something I have to try and deal with.

@Former-MemberThanks for directing me to your thread. Despite my psychologist telling me over and over again that the abuse done to me by different people was not my fault and that I oughtn't feel guilty, I still do and it's difficult to change my thought patterns...though I am trying to work through it. I was told often enough by different people if I mentioned what was happening to anyone..it was my fault, I deserved it, no one would believe me, I would break up the family, I would be taken away and put in a foster home, the police would put me in jail, the shame if anyone outside of the family found out would be too much to bear, I would be punished or hurt or worse, I would be put into a mental hospital..etc....then that's what I grew up believing, and continue to believe. Never mind that these people passed away decades ago, the guilt and shame are ever-present and at times completely overwhelming.

...continued next post

@Former-Member

..continued from last post....apologies for waffling on....

You are so brave to have started this conversation.

I am not in a place where I can assert myself to believe that all of this wasn't my fault..and yes, I was groomed from an early age by two influential people in my life...although I've only realised this recently...and I constantly tell my psychologist but at this stage I'm unable to let it go. Despite all the work I've done recently, I feel like I've slipped back a bit as I just don't feel like I have that safe place within to go to so am feeling like a boat without an anchor or safe harbour. Still trying to find that safe place, but without that I can't move forward. Baby steps and one day of at a time.

Sending virtual hugs your way.

Take care.

Thanks @NatalieS but I do not feel brave.

I know all the right things to say and that it wasn;t my fault, but still blame myself for a lot of things that happened, just like you. Will that ever change, I hope so, but only time will tell. I had heard of the word 'grooming' before, but until my psychologist said it about me, I had never thought of myself as being 'groomed'. I might have had a little meltdown in his office when he said that!

I think we all slip back at times. I certainly have before. It's like we are on a roller coaster that doesn't stop. I am hoping you find that safe place within so you can find some relief. Until then, I hope that you find this a safe place for you to come. So continue writing in your thread (or here), tag me if you want, I will always respond and help you as best as I can

P.S. Baby steps are great!!

hi im gymgirl240

i have just been through a sexual assault situation myself and have reported it to the police. i am currently thrying to deal with all the emotions that are going on as the person who has done it to me hasnt been charged yet as im getting more statements for the police. i just want to know how others delt with trying not to feel down and depressed about it all the time

Hi @gymgirl240, welcome to the SANE forums 🙂

It's great to see you finding yourway around and I can hear you asking the community some questions. Please note that once members respond if you'd like to tag them using @ button and find the member name.

I'm so sorry to hear you have experienced sexual abuse, its a hugely challeneging area to work through. I'd encourage you to try and reach out for support, talking with the SANE Help Centre might be a good first step. We're here M-F 10am-10pm AEST on 1800 187 263. Have you spoken with professional support about this before?

I hope that by reading some of theses threads around sexual abuse you feel less alone through this experience.

An organissation called Blue Knot have information around coping stragegies which can be found here if you'd like to take a look.

@Former-Member talks about some of their coping strategies in this thread here- please bear in mind your own limiations as that thread talks about sexual abuse and can be triggering.

Feel welcome to @ mention me if you have any queries about anything.

Take care 🙂

thank you @Former-Member i just like to know how other people cope with it all and i am getting myself some help aswell

Hi @gymgirl240 I would love to tell you that I cope with it well, but in true fact I don’t. I have a lot of nightmares and flashbacks about my CSA and also SH and have lots of SI.

I will however say that I am getting help with it. I see a psychologist weekly and psychiatrist fortnightly.

I use a lot of different techniques to cope. I use a script I read that brings me back to the present moment, have a coping box with different things in it that relate to me 5 senses, I use a progressive muscle relaxation recording, deep breathing, and lots of other things.

I will say that the Blue Knot foundation are really helpful and also there is 1800 RESPECT that are also good to ring and chat too. I have used both of these services in the past. However now if I speak to anyone, it is SANE mostly.

@Former-Memberthank you and so sorry to hear what you have been through. i have family here but no one has gone through what i have been through in my family and just needed to hear from other people how they handled it as i am stil having sleepless nights and cannot even go near any male without bursting into tears

@gymgirl240 I am sorry that you have had to go through that and have so much respect and admiration for you to go to the police. As of now, no one knows what happened to me. It is all in my head. Not sure if I will ever be able to tell someone, but that is a long way off too. In my real life my hubby knows I went through it but of course no details.

You will find people you can relate to on here. I can totally understand the sleepless nights, part of my life atm. Please keep reaching out on here for support. There are a lot of other threads in the social side of it that are a nice distraction too.