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Purgatory

WildflowersContributor28 Sept 2017, 2:47 pm AEST

Purgatory

My life is purgatory. I can't make it better and I am not allowed to leave it. I've been self-harming overnight...my head hurts. It's the only thing that gives me relief. I feel such hate and frustration building and after I hurt myself, for a little while, that energy goes away, until I start thinking about everything I am doing wrong. I lost a heap of weight, now I have gained some back. My clothes don't fit so now I have to go out in shabby old tights...my old fat clothes. I said the wrong thing in a class yesterday. My mother is demanding, bitter, depressed, fragile and a misery to be taking care of. I don't have enough money to meet my bills so I don't answer the phone cause its the banks.

I don't want to live. I really mean it. I am done. I just want to go to therapy on Friday and tell my therapist that I am quitting therapy cause I'm going to end things...not immediately, in the weeks ahead. I won't though, cause I am a coward on top of every other fault I have.

21 replies

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In response to: Purgatory

Bat_GirlContributor28 Sept 2017, 8:19 pm AEST

Re: Purgatory

Hi @Wildflowers

I hear you.

I've been there (up, down, twisted around) and use SH as a way of coping with the unbearable purgatory of being in this world.

I hope you feel better soon.

I'm sending you buckets of hope and positive vibes.

In response to: Purgatory

Unknown userMember28 Sept 2017, 8:20 pm AEST

Re: Purgatory

@Wildflowers, @Phoenix_Rising runs a great yoga adventure too. You should check it out, I have just joined up!!!!

In response to: Re: Purgatory

Phoenix_RisingSenior Contributor28 Sept 2017, 8:34 pm AEST

Re: Purgatory

@Former-Member I hope you have been yoga-ing this week.

Hi @Bat_Girl, we meet again.

If you want to come and play on the yoga thread @Wildflowers or @Bat_Girl, it is here. Definitely no previous yoga experience required!

In response to: Purgatory

WildflowersContributor28 Sept 2017, 8:35 pm AEST

Re: Purgatory

@utopia, I'm really glad it worked out for you and you are feeling better. Maybe I need to change meds too.

In response to: Purgatory

WildflowersContributor28 Sept 2017, 8:43 pm AEST

Re: Purgatory

@Phoenix _Rising, I went to the yoga thread...don't get it. Where is this yoga happening?

In response to: Re: Purgatory

Unknown userMember28 Sept 2017, 8:54 pm AEST

Re: Purgatory

@Phoenix_Rising just tagging you here so you see the above post (just in case)

In response to: Re: Purgatory

Phoenix_RisingSenior Contributor28 Sept 2017, 9:06 pm AEST

Re: Purgatory

Awwwww you did the random springing out of nowhere thing again @Former-Member! I SUPPOSE I'm grateful though, cos I wouldn't have seen the post. I do wish you'd stop startling me like that though - you nearly made me jump out of my shell.

@Wildflowers so...the great yoga adventure started a few months ago when @CheerBear and I decided to both psych ourselves up to go to our first ever class together but not (we live on opposite sides of the country). Since then, a few of us in Forum Land have been doing a pose-a-week challenge whereby we choose a pose and then aim to do it each day for that week.

Do you do yoga @Wildflowers? I have been messing around at home with it for years, but was super scared about going to a class. I am really enjoying it though. I find that it super helps with the giant overwhelming feelings.

I am really enjoying the support and motivation of other Forumites to help me make sure I do a bit of yoga-ing at home each day. @soul is the master yogi of Forum Land. Since she started going to classes a few months ago, she has gone pretty much every day. I'm pretty sure she is going to be a pretzel by Christmas!

In response to: Re: Purgatory

Unknown userMember28 Sept 2017, 9:17 pm AEST

Re: Purgatory

Hahaha I sure did! SURPRISE I knew you wouldn't get the tag though so thought I'd pop out and let you know

In response to: Purgatory

WildflowersContributor28 Sept 2017, 10:56 pm AEST

Re: Purgatory

@Phoenix _Rising, that's pretty cool. I can't commit to it right now, I am feeling overwhelmed...but I can look at it and if I am ok try it...even if it's just once. Looks like fun though.

I am feeling quiet now, more solid somehow. My head hurts, bruised but it seems to have stopped. I am glad I came back here. Just talking about it seems to have taken the edge off the energy that was causing me to self-harm. I should have come here days ago but I was going to control it, didn't want to talk and burden other people with my crazy evil crap. I'm tired though. I am going to watch a movie and go to sleep.

In response to: Re: Purgatory

Unknown userMember28 Sept 2017, 11:08 pm AEST

Re: Purgatory

Hi @Wildflowers, glad you are feeling a bit better. Never think you are a burden on here because that is not the case and no one thinks that. We all have times where we need that support on here, myself included, and there is nothing wrong for reaching out for support. We all have our own 'crazy evil crap'!!!!

take care and hope you get a good nights sleep💗

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