Good morning Forum Land,
Today is Halloween. That means it is also the day my mother died and the day my already almost non-existent family finally disintegrated into oblivion. It's a good thing my mother died on such a memorable date otherwise I would never remember the date of her death, unlike the dates that each of my animals died - those dates are burned into my soul forever.
My mother died from a stroke in 2004. I was 27 years old and she was 69 years old. She had the stroke exactly seven days before she died. I got a phonecall from the hospital to say that I needed to come immediately, and thus I made the ninety minute drive down the highway. I remember feeling the most immense sense of relief. It was happening, it was really happening. Finally, I would be free! I remember stopping off for McDonald's on the way and vaguely wondering about whether other people stop for dinner on the way to their dying parent.
Anyway, my mum didn't die that night. As I said, she died a week later. And wow, what a week that was. I've never told anyone except for Fred what happened between me and my siblings during that week. All I've ever told anyone is that it was so bizarre and so absurd, it was like I was living in an episode from Home and Away or something. I will tell you this though, it was during that week that I decided that if I was ever lying on my deathbed in hospital, my siblings were the last two people on earth who I would want anywhere near me.
My relationship with my mother was extremely unhealthy when I was young. By the time she died, I had not loved her for many years. However, I knew that I had only one chance to navigate the situation of her death and I was determined that I would get it right so that I would not have to live with any regret. For that reason, I stayed by her bedside for the week that she was dying. I told her I loved her and that all was well between us.
On the morning of the 31st of October, 2004, I left her bedside and went to buy some breakfast. As I was returning to my mother's room, a nurse came out. She looked at me and I said, "my mum just died didn't she." The nurse said yes and asked if I would like to go in and spend time with her body. I responded with "yeah, I'd like to do that, but I might just eat my breakfast first." Then I went into the nearby tv room in the hospital and ate my breakfast in front of the TV.
After I had finished my breakfast, I went back into my mother's room. She was dead now. I had done what was right. I had ensured that she died believing that I loved her and that all was well between us. Now that she was dead, I could tell her lifeless body that I had lied. Nothing was right and it never ever would be.
While I was still in the room with my mother's body, my sister arrived. We were only in the room together for a few minutes before it all went amazingly arse-up. Nurses appeared and my sister ranted to them about how completely insane I was. A nurse took me to the hospital chapel and said they would send someone to provide some support. But you know how hospitals are, things get busy and things get forgotten. So I waited, and waited, and waited. After about two hours, I went back to the nurses station to ask if someone was coming. The nurse looked confused, clearly there had been a miscommunication or something and I had been forgotten. I asked the nurse if my mother's body was still in the room. No, it had been removed. Neither of my siblings were still at the hospital. I don't remember what the nurse said to me next. I just remember saying to her, "I have lost my entire family today," and then I walked away. I heard the nurse burst into tears behind me. I didn't look back. Goodness knows what my siblings had said about me during those hours that I was sitting in the hospital chapel. It didn't matter. All that mattered was that I was finally free.
I went and sat in my car for a while and called Fred. Then I set off for home. I stopped off at the kennels where I had left (M) for the week, and we went home to start our new, completely-family-free, life together. It felt SO good! I was free!!!!!!!!!!!
Today is the thirteenth anniversary of my mother's death and the day my family finally disintegrated into oblivion. Today is a great day!
@Former-Member @Former-Member @Former-Member @Former-Member
