Today is the anniversary of...

Good morning Forum Land,

Anniversary days can be tricky, and thus I thought it might be nice to create a space especially for these tricky days. Today is the 25th of September - all day long. Today it is five years since I held my beautiful perfect dog while the vet helped him to make safe passage across the Rainbow Bridge. I still miss you SO MUCH (M). I thought I would have adopted a new canine brother for you by now, but I haven't. Remember how we talked a lot about him? We talked about how I know his name and I will know him when I see him. He hasn't come yet and now I am beginning to wonder if he ever will. You are who I want. You are still my boy. I still own you - the mere inconvenience of the fact that I am here and you are there won't ever change that. You will always and forever be my boy. I love you (M).

Today it is also twenty years since I attempted suicide. I know I can't share the method by which I did that, here, but suffice to say it was very public and very dramatic. I was labelled attention seeking. I was in and out of hosptial within 72 hours, just like the other forty-two times I've been admitted. I struggle to understand what anyone gets out of being in hospital, but I recognise that this is because of my own experiences, which have consistently been unhelpful.

I hear stories about people who attempt suicide and are later grateful that they survived. I am entirely ambivalent on this point. Twenty years on, I haven't yet reached a point where I am grateful I survived that day.

Today is a tricky day in my world. However, seven hours of it have already passed, only seventeen to go. Good thing I don't live on Venus.

@Former-Member @Former-Member @Former-Member