Hi @outlander, I have been praying for you & all your concerns about your life. Your experiences & lifes journey so far is/has not been what has given you the ,& emotional healing that you, & all of us need to experience the reward of just being alive. True inner well being is what you need in your life, not leaving out the much amazing Medical, & MH professionals, & their knowledge & love they give us all, when ever called upon.
I thought to myself how much I wanted, & even needed your friendship, when I first met you in Forum. You came across to me, as a lady (you are not a child, not in my eyes) -that loves life, loves family, & loves animals, loves drawing, & has so much responsability. I never imagioned that you could even have a Mental Health Issue, to be truthful?
I wanted to be apart of your life in some way, as being in Forum it seems impossible to take friendship any further than in this forum, without even seeing who I found a to be appealing to me as a close friend. When I realizsed you were hurting deeply, & so heart rentchingly I just wanted to go & met you in person, & be there for you as the friend off this forum that you may never have had before?
I'm not drawn easily to people in a deep & trusting way, as I've been hurt so many times, all my life by friends in relationships, & blood related family, whether they meant it, or not? When I care, it comes straight from the heart, idol words are not where I come from. When I say I care, I mean it 100%, now the reason for this long letter to you, is because I want to help you from my heart because I care!
You have been feeling like you have no true direction in life, like you not good enough, that your life is stagnant & even empty, maybe my words but that's what comes across to me? I am sudgesting an area that you would be 100% suited for, I see it in you, you would be wonderful in this area of life style & work. What I have in mind is Mental Health, now it's not over night right @outlander. There are many areas of Mental Health to work towards being a part of that you could be used to, love & help people back to good health.
You could start off Volunteering at a Rehab Centre, just being there, making lunches, cleaning up, making hot drinks for the Nursing Staff. Cooking hot meals for the Clients, lots of things as well as what I've typed? There are always trained staff with a kind ear & heart to listen to you should you need them. That's their job GOD BLESS their precious hearts, sometimes they have bad days & need it for themselves, they are afterall just people, like us too. Where I worked to be truthfull the best workers are client workers as they have empathy & true understanding, & would welcome you like a sister.
As you progress & work your way up, they will train you, & you get paid for your services. You may even get asked would you like to go train at the UNI, on campass & when you are finished learning have a certificate & a Title before your name & be blessed with a High Paid job? Why, just because you have the right heart, which was born from adversity, & pain. Well it's food for thought Claire, & it's real & can happen for you, believe me I know 100%.
How do I know all this? because, it's my journey Claire, that's what I see in you, me, the me, that made me who I am today. Someone that was able to be there for so many people that needed, someone like me, just to love them, & at least try & understand there pain, with the right attitude, & heart.
I luv U
Bella XO 
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3NycM9lYdRI&index=2&list=RDaXYtJB7Qslk
