RE: Darkness surrounds me

thats really great @Former-Member im so pleased for you

@Sans911@Faith-and-Hope@Zoe7@Phoenix_Rising@katastrophe@CheerBear@outlander@Former-Member @Shaz51

Hi all,

Firstly sorry if this morning I put anyone through any distress by some of my comments. It was not my attention to do that. I know you were all there supporting me.

So the session went for about 1.5 hours and was exhausting. I think I cried the whole time. I spoke to my psych for about 20 minutes before Hubby came in. We spoke about what would be said.

So hubby came in. Psych went through how it was affecting me and about my nightmares, panic attacks, flashbacks etc. I could not get the words out so the psych did most of the talking. Spoke about that when I was about 8 I was sexually abused/assaulted for about 2.5 years. Hubby asked who, but psych said that we need to take things slowly with me and that was not able to be discussed today. Spoke about how my mental health was the most important thing. Hubby asked a few questions. He questioned about marks (I think I can say that- i think you get the picture). I had told him I had fallen over. Psych didn't really answer him but spoke about him monitoring my safety closly and would take the steps needed if he had to. Psych talked about it was important to go at my pace so I felt like I still had control of the whole situation. Spoke about how hard it was to tell him as the only other person I had told face to face was my psych. Hubby took it better than I thought. I think he is still in shock and in about a month he is going to come to another session.

I havent really spoken to him privately yet (kids around) but will do that at some stage. I LOVE MY PSYCH!! He was so good and because I couldn't say it and just kept crying, he took over it for me.

So now he knows. I am not sure if it is a relief yet. My mind is still jumbled up and I am mentally exhausted. It was the hardest thing I ever did (even though I didn't speak much!), but I am glad I saw it through.

So now to ALL OF YOU - Thank you from the bottom of my heart for all your have done for me. You were all there to support me, give me kind and encouraging words and rode this journey with me. I don't think I would have done it if it wasn't for all of you. Thirty minutes before hand I was not going in and was seriously thinking about how to end my life. Reading all your words gave me strength that I could do this. And when I went in, I thought of you all. So tonight you are all my angels and I will never forget the suport you have given me, especially since I only recently joined this forum. You all gave me your strength when I had none. (OK, now I'm crying again!!)

Love to you all, and now it is my time to shine my light over you.

@Former-Member

this is really great news! im really pleased for you. dont worry about crying at all, your hubby ow knows how hard this is for you and will also have a better idea of what is really going on inside your mind when your panicing and struggling and if/when you want to talk to him he will take you alot more seriously.
i think your partnership will continue to grow through the fog, i really do.
im so proud of you for getting through that, i really am and i have no idea how to say how proud i truley am that you have dont this today.
please make sure you go easy on yourself for the next few days, plan a few nice things for yourself as well. let the releif that at least this part is over now (i know itll hit you soon jsut how much youve gone through but for now just 'be' ) youve got alot of people here who really care for you and are super dooper proud becasue we understand this wasnt easy at all!!!

so well done!!!!

@Former-Memberwhy was my post removed?

It seems like my post cannot be retrieved as yours was removed @Former-Member - so a shorter version for you

The brightest light in the forum tonight is emanating from you @Former-Member - your strength to face such an incredibly difficult day and your perseverance to continue even when feeling so hopeless and lost is a true testament to how courageous you are - so very proud of you, so very impressed by you and so truly inspired by you

Hugs n hugs @Former-Member ....

You're under way ..... you will have your husband walking with you on your healing journey now .... helping to shelter and support you.

@Zoe7 do you mind if i ask how you went with your appointment today? you can tag me into another thread if you like or not telling if fine too 🙂