RE: Darkness surrounds me

@Sans911I am not worried about them being removed, I am worried that they were removed because it triggered someone on here and I know what it is like to be triggered and never wanted to do that to someone else and upset anyone.

Well my new meds the psychiatrist has put me on are having bad affects on me. Have nausea, headaches, dizziness, and anxiey. My SH and SI have increased. Psych wants me to try and see it out if I can but that could be another 3 or so weeks to go. So overall, pretty crap. Tired of feeling like this, tired of not being able to do anthing, tired of living, tired of life.

@Former-MemberUnfortunately, the openess of these forums is going to trigger some people, and that can't be helped. But you don't if that was the reason; you are only assuming it is. As for the side effects of meds, I know all too well about those, having trialled many of them in last 2 years. Some do increase the risk of SI/SH. Just try to hang in there, and those side effects should decrease in time. And I know also about feeling the way you do in your last sentence. It's just bloody awful, that I know. I don't want to run you the usual patter, so I won't. You have heard it from everyone else, so I am just saying I really do understand, and I am with you in this for as long as it takes. There is strength in numbers sometimes

@Sans911no it was the reason, I got an email about it explaining why

I know you understand, it's just a sick, unfair, relentless waiting game. And the crappy thing is we only have two choices.

Take care @Sans911 hope all goes well with getting your car. Will be around later just not very vocal!

@Sans911I am glad you got your car back in one piece. Sitting and not talking is a good idea

I yelled at my kids afterschool today @Sans911 for a minor thing that I never would yell at them normally about. I saw the confusion and fear in thier eyes. I know it was because of how bad I felt but I feel so terrible for it. I am making their life worse not better and I hate myself for it. If this is how it is going to be, they would be better off without me.

You don't have to respond, I just needed to get it out. It's been bottled up in me all afternoon.

Thanks @Sans911 I know what you say is right, just feel so bad. This is not who I am.

I will speak to my psychologist next session about them. They are 10 and 12. i think the 12 yr old guesses something is happening anyway.

I hope you are travelling ok tonight. First night back home after being in hospital would have to be a bit of a struggle.