RE: Darkness surrounds me

I totally understand getting paralysed in the fear moments @Former-Member. It is when the thoughts get too overwhelming that I get paralysed and cannot think properly. This is when it is the worst. My safety plan (the one in the bin) did include grounding using a hot drink to use taste, touch and smell.

@Former-MemberHey, I was just sorting dinner, but I wanted to drop by and see how you are doing before I log off for the night. How are things now? Do you have some sort of plan for the night if you don't settle? I am not sure what service you used before but there are other support services out there if you don't feel like going back to that one.Some of them you can chat online, not just by the phone. Or you can contact a moderator here on the forums, and they will check on you. I will be thinking of you, and hoping you at least get a little rest. I'll check back on in the morning, but I wil be here for a little while to wait for your response if you want to get back to me. Take care of yourself Nell

Thanks @Sans911 for checking in on me, means a lot to me. Things are no better, probably worse. Kids and hubby asleep now so just me up by myself, but that is not different to normal. I have my seasons of the BIg Bang Theory ready to go to try and get me through the night. I doubt I will get any sleep, too much crap in my head and then bad news this afternoon topped it off.

I won't ever be going back to the service I used before. I am just going to take it hour by hour tonight and hopefully I can keep myself safe from my thoughts.

Thanks once again

Another hour down and this crap just keeps getting harder and harder. Can't seem to control anything tonight and all I want is a bit of relief from everything going on in my head. And the flashbacks are not even playing nice tonight. They keep swapping from one trauma to another and back again. It's like a game of tennis in my head. I am so over this crap.

They say distraction is the key for SI, but tonight it isn't working. Hope for better thoughts, hope for a peaceful sleep, hope for a better tomorrow. There is no hope anymore, only the feeling of helplessness.

is there a @Former-Member i could talk to tonight or who could email me?

Hi Nell23 you can send an email to us and the moderator will read it. i hope that helps

thanks Nell23. i will keep an eye out for it