RE: Darkness surrounds me

@Sans911I don't blame you for feeling dejected and rejected. Especially since these case managers seemed to be so helpful in the past and now, not so much. I think the flashbacks are one of the worst things about my MI. I know they are trained in MI, but unless you have gone through it yourself, I don't think a person can truely appreciate what we go through and how they make us feel.

I won't say anything about the SH (done it myself this afternoon) but just please stay safe. Please don't pull away becasue you are so worth it and you have got so much to offer. I think of this as a marathon and not a sprint. So you are still in your marathon, so you can still win. It's not over yet!

Agreed .... ❣️

I thought I could cope tonight but I am not sure if I can anymore. I have stopped crying now and just feel numb. My head feels like it is about to burst. I have so many flashbacks and images in there and the images are now both old and new. I am trying to take it hour by hour but I don't know what the next hour will bring. I wasn't prepared for today, I was totally blind sided and it scared me so much, I just went straight into panic mode.

I should be stronger than this, I shouldn't let him win, but I feel defeated, alone and worthless. I have so many thoughts of SI and SH in my head and in the past that would have bothered me but not tonight. I am so exhausted from today but I know with sleep will bring nightmares and I can't handle them tonight. I don't want to burden people with my problems but needed to get this out. I have no answers anymore and right now, I just don't care.

Thanks @Faith-and-Hope

I've got an answers for myself after today. I am just mentall done and got nothing left

@Former-Member

I hope that you manage some hours of restful sleep

I know how I am very affected when have little sleep

back on sleeping tabs at moment

thanks @Former-Member but I dooubt sleep will happen tonight.

I think I am going to have to @Faith-and-Hope

I thought this afternoon i was bad, I feel so much worse now

My safety plan isn't working, none of my strategies are woking

I just cant keep doing it, my mind is so screwed up.

i just feel like giving up,