SPRING-Clean Declutter - Need Help

Hi @Former-Member ..... 💐💕

What your mum said, about you being her eldest daughter and helpmate, probably explains why she is so emotionally aggressive towards you at times. As unreasonable as it is, she is probably resentful that you chose to live so far away from her that she was unable to lean on you on a daily basis .... and the nature of that relationship sounds as though it may have been quite controlling in any case, so then her need to control was not being satiated either unless you were there visiting her. I think I remember that she would be spiteful towards you in the phone, seemingly without reason ..... well, there's some "reason" .... even though it's flawed thinking, or a sense of ownership that she is not actually entitiled to.

You have an amazing level of practical empathy for your parents, and that is beautiful .... ❣️

omstars @Former-Member

That sounds like a massive task - and I am wondering how you manage all of this - it's hard enough doing your own stuff but someone else's - wow - and to them all that disorder is precious -

And your Mum seems to have lost a huge amount of weight - and those huge clothes - not at all useful esp the animals have been sleeping on them - oh sheesh - I am so glad that's not my task

My mother and my sister would not let me in to help so I never did have to go through the cupbourds, drawers and shelves of my parents' house when they had both gone - according to my daughter it was full of ornaments - they were everywhere - I was wondering what had happened to a little set of things I had given my mother had gone after decades - my daughter gave them to me and also something I had given Dad but that was all I saw

I don't know how you do it though Lapses - someone has to and evenutally it will be a case of not worrying about what they think about all of it but that will still be hard work

So I keep thinking of you - and hoping this visit is easier than the last and your Mum seems to be coming home pretty soon

And I keep hoping you are okay -

Dec

Blown away @Former-Member at the difference that you are making at your parents’ place. My father was very much a hoarder and hated throwing anything away. My mother would wait for him to visit his sister and then have a clean up. Sometimes Dad would check the bin and retrieve stuff.

So here I am in a tiny hotel room - comfortable but adequate. No where to put my things in an organised fashion - not that I have a lot. Happy to live out of a bag.

Hope that your mother’s return home goes smoothly. Are you planning on staying for much longer?

Hi @soul

My ex-h was a hoarder and I could tell a tale or three - he had a bungalow on his mother's property and when she sold her house he built a garage on our property and filled it with all the junk he had stored at his mother's place and yet the shed we had and his bedroom were full of it and if any over-flowed into the rest of the house it was disposed of immediately and I have to tell the story of his red jumper

His long-gone grandmother had kniited it for him and it was his favourite even though one of the elbows was large enough for the Titanic to have sailed through - and I noticed he had not worn it for a while so I moved it to the back of his wardrobe - and in time put it in a plastic bag and hid it in the bottom of mine - time went on and I hid it at the back of the linen press - years were passing and I hid it in the laundry cupboard - and at last I thought maybe he had forgotten it and just before the bin-men came I rushed out and shoved it in there and it was gone

This had taken years - and the next day he asked me - "Have you seen my red jumper?" - I stared - ah - did he know or what - truth was it had been in a plastic bag and I had not seen it - so I asked "What red jumper?"

I don't hoard - when the hard rubbish collection happens I get rid of bags and boxes of whatever I am not using - and if people want to look through them then they can and they do - we have just had this wonderful annual event and my other front room is looking pretty good

I am glad I am not the only one with a resident hoarder - yeah - I think they are in love with everything they own and my ex used to bring stuff home because someone gave it to him and he couldn't understand that people only did that to give their stuff a good home

And that is enough ranting

Dec

wow, way to go @Former-Member

Both my parents were severe hoarders.

I grew up in, & lived in a house & family environment (for 21 years) that was not livable - because of the hoarding, & the state of the house.

Severe childhood neglect my psychologist called it - which was a major cause for (or part of) my having CPTSD.

I have a low tolerance to clutter, because even a small amount of clutter triggers dissociation.

So good on you all, for being such excellent de-clutterers.

Adge

Desr @Owlunar

It's always great to see you....hi to @Former-Member @Former-Member @Adge my special friend @Shaz51....

@Owlunar I Loved the story about your brother and the big rad jumper....it's like

"An intuition of all that is hoarded," ...lol

Telecom is on television here....I must catch up on the reading on this thread.......Hello @Former-Member