SPRING-Clean Declutter - Need Help

@Former-Member, I think I've mentioned before that I've had a similar struggle sorting through my Mum's stuff. She can be very protective of her things. It's taken a while to get my head around the fact that, now that they're both in aged care, even though they still legally own it all, she cannot have it all. I'm not caretaking her belongings, because she's never coming back home for them. Mum still asks for things from the house, but her room is as full as it can go. And often we can't find what she wants anyway.
It's different with Dad. He's a smart guy with dementia, and he trusts us to care for whatever's worth keeping, so we feel more free to do so. It's funny how the original owner's attitude can make such a difference.
When I do my clear up/visit parents trips, it's 400kms by train, so I can only bring back a suitcaseful per trip. Mostly so far, it's only been sorting and rearranging. That gets frustrating because there's no room to move for boxes and piles. I'll be doing a train trip next week, and sister, Hubby and younger daughter are with me for the following trip in mid July, so with two cars plus a small trailer we may be able to remove enough that I can better see what to do next. Aaaand that's another reason for my current home clean up. It'll have to go somewhere, and I'd rather have my grandmother's beautiful wire plant stand on display than the piles and boxes of junk that are currently on show here!

Hi @Smc, @Former-Member, @Bluetoo, @Appleblossom, @Faith-and-Hope, @Former-Member

we took a trailer load from our place a few weeks ago and it still looks like there is too much stuff , have to get back to getting rid of one thing a day again

Fortunately I don’t have any children who would want or have to clear out our stuff. But I’m glad we minimized because whoever inherits our home belongings will have a lot less to sort through. It’s a big deal. Causes a lot of unnecessary stress.

@Bluetoo despite not having children to sort out your home, you are ahead of where @Smc is amid that task ..... it’s lovely to share that practical view. My grandmother sorted and assigned while she was still with us, and moved herself to a smaller home with much less for anyone else to worry about in the process ..... she was a delight. She gave us “living inheritance” ..... I could serve desert to her in the beautiful 1920’s serving dish with matching sweet bowls when she came to visit that had been one of her wedding gifts.

My dad has given one of our daughters their (Mum and Dad’s) best crockery that had been a wedding gift, and was delighted to see and hear her joy.

One thing a day is always a great goal @Shaz51. It means 365 things have been re-homed or pitched within the year.

@Faith-and-Hope

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@Faith-and-Hope wrote:

@Bluetoo despite not having children to sort out your home, you are ahead of where @Smc is amid that task ..... it’s lovely to share that practical view. My grandmother sorted and assigned while she was still with us, and moved herself to a smaller home with much less for anyone else to worry about in the process ..... she was a delight. She gave us “living inheritance” ..... I could serve desert to her in the beautiful 1920’s serving dish with matching sweet bowls when she came to visit that had been one of her wedding gifts.

My dad has given one of our daughters their (Mum and Dad’s) best crockery that had been a wedding gift, and was delighted to see and hear her joy.

One thing a day is always a great goal @Shaz51. It means 365 things have been re-homed or pitched within the year.

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@Faith-and-Hope Your grandmother sounds like a healthy happy person. That’s so cool you have those things in the family still.

I have a few things of my grandmothers and grandfather, as well as my parents. Nobody will want them after I’m gone but I enjoy seeing them and holding them every now and then. My grandfathers milkshake glass from the local drugstore that had a milkshake bar is one of my favorite things. It’s probably 70 years old or more. I should ask my mom.

I’m very glad the move made me to get rid of more than half of everything I owned. I had no idea how attached I was to everything. And most of the stuff had no real value, sentimental or otherwise. I am so much better and getting rid of anything unnecessary now. It’s cleansing. However, I still get nostalgic about some silly stuff. It’s a hard habit to break.

I've had the curious thing while my sister and I were going through Mum and Dad's house of discovering that Mum had passed on a fair few family things to me over the years, but had give little or nothing to my sister. She's not married, and I think in Mum's mind it felt like that made a difference... who knows. So we're taking into account what I already have as we divide up the household.

@Bluetoo .... it’s about balance ..... some “silly and sentimental” is allowed .... lol ..... thank God, cos I for one would be lost without that part ......

@Smc ..... that’s so lovely that you are realising the need to even up the ledger and are able to to it together while your parents are still alive.

My Dad has made a start, with the help and gentle nudging of his friend and neighbour ..... again, thank God ..... because he has been a real hoarder. I am delighted that he is thinking about what he can give to me, and to o our children, and offering it while he is still here to do that.

@Smc thanks for reminding me, forgetful sorry. My dads like your dad, doesnt really care, always hated mums mess (creative skatty sanguine ways), he preferrs order - still lines things up / tidy. Chips me when i just drop his boots on the floor & not place them neatly aligned (😏 my bad 😁), or the way i always leave his drawers open... My mum has passed but remains a loud echo in my head & heart (fear mostly), but getting there.

@Smc, how does it work that your patents still have their home AND be in residential care? I thought we had to sell our homes to use as collateral (bond) to get into care?

@Former-MemberMy parents were below the income and assets limit where a bond was required. The house is getting run down, and is likely to only sell for land value. We're still under some time pressure to get it sorted and sold, because their other finances will run out in the foreseeable future, but we're very relieved that we didn't have to rush to sell it within a month of them entering aged care.

My Mum had a fall at their home that ended with her in hospital and Dad in respite care, literally the day after our daughter had been discharged from an emergency psych ward admission. They never went back home after that; Mum was discharged to a place in the aged care home that Dad had gone to for respite, and he was also made a permanent resident.

I've had more than one occasion when I've had to decide whether to go ahead with a planned trip to visit and "stuff sort" because our daughter has had an emergency level crisis just before the date. It is horrible sitting on the train, knowing that my parents need me to do this, and hoping our daughter will be safe. To have had the pressure of needing to immediately sell their house on top of everything else would have been impossible, so I'm extremely thankful that we haven't yet run out of that bit of breathing space.