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How to accept help after a life of helping others

How to accept help after a life of helping others

I'm in my mid 50's and have had careers in the helping professions most of my adult life. Listening to friends and family, and even strangers on the street has been an habitual trait I can't seem to shake.

I feel a little broken at the moment trying to avoid situations where I'm used as a sounding board for 'their' problems. My own issues are on top of me and when I try to voice my concerns, a common answer is; "You think that's bad, what about me?" I then listen and engage as usual and leave the conversation feeling ignored and alone.

I wouldn't say I'm homebound, but close enough to it to feel scary and stuck. I call Lifeline sometimes for another voice in the room (I live alone) and it's mostly productive, but it doesn't replace close connections I crave; especially to discuss happy or up-lifting topics.

I was hospitalised this year and found it exasserbating being the one who needed support. I ended up listening to other patients and ignoring my own needs.

Even now I'm tempted to read posts and reach out to help.

How do I resist this temptation and focus on my own life?

Hope

268 replies

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In response to: How to accept help after a life of helping others

Re: How to accept help after a life of helping others

@Hopr4me- hiya, I see you've met some pretty cool people on the forums already. I've just read your entire thread and there's a lot of similarities in our characters. I too, am a big helping person, but I'm learning through my experiences with my own MI and through the wonderful people on this site, I can ask and receive help too. You seem like a really nice person to know, so I just dropped by to say hello and welcome.

In response to: Re: How to accept help after a life of helping others

Re: How to accept help after a life of helping others

Hey and nice to meet you @Sans911

It seems many on here relate to being a shoulder to cry on for all and sundry. Finding a healthy balance is more complex than desirable eh?

In response to: Re: How to accept help after a life of helping others

Re: How to accept help after a life of helping others

Come over an join us in TOR @Phoenix_Rising - F&H is teasing me - again - with images I have to wait for - this little flutterby's patience is diminishing by the minute with the increase in tiredness

In response to: Re: How to accept help after a life of helping others

Re: How to accept help after a life of helping others

Hello my new friends;

It was lovely to exchange silliness yesterday with everyone. @Zoe7 @Sans911 @Phoenix_Rising @Shaz51 @Faith-and-Hope @Bimby2 @Former-Member @TAB @soul

Also nice to help a fellow sufferer in need too. @outlander

If I've forgotten anyone, please forgive me.

I received a call from a friend who wants me to help start his business. I haven't worked since 2014 so it's challenging me to my core. A panic attack or two later I had to send him an email and ask for things to slow down.

It's in the 'helping' profession yet again. But this time as a personal assistant. More to my liking and (admin) skill base.

I don't know if I'm capable as I was medically retired due to in-house bullying by colleagues and managers. But it's only a couple of days per week and the money won't go astray.

Although I'm not on the books yet, I sent my first work related email this morning. So, being employed again might not be too bad if I take things slowly.

I'm glad I have this site to vent my thoughts.

Thanks for reading...

Hope x

In response to: Re: How to accept help after a life of helping others

Re: How to accept help after a life of helping others

wow @Hope4me that sounds really positive - yes a little scary but your friend must have complete confidence in you to offer you the work - awesome by bug buddy - very pleased for you

In response to: Re: How to accept help after a life of helping others

Re: How to accept help after a life of helping others

@Hope4me that sounds really positive , sending you some hugs

In response to: Re: How to accept help after a life of helping others

Re: How to accept help after a life of helping others

Very promising @Hope4me - hope it's a good fit for you. All the best.

In response to: Re: How to accept help after a life of helping others

Re: How to accept help after a life of helping others

Accepting all your comments and hugs with pleasure...thankyou

@Zoe7 @Shaz51 @soul

Kindness comes from the most unexpected corners doesn't it? It makes me happy to read your words.

Hope x

In response to: Re: How to accept help after a life of helping others

Re: How to accept help after a life of helping others

Happy is what we strive for @Hope4me - too hard to find most days - so we take it where we find it hey

I can't wait to hear more about it all from you @Hope4me

In response to: Re: How to accept help after a life of helping others

Re: How to accept help after a life of helping others

Hey Bug Buddy @Zoe7

When life gives you lemons, don't try and play the bagpipes! 🙂

(As my Nan used to say)

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