F..k everying

Yeah @outlander. I am finding it hard

@Bubbles3. Welcome. I know what it's like to be in hospital due to depression and have my meds changed and then be sent home.
You often don't feel ready to be home. It's a strange, unusual feeling being at home. Because you don't feel 'happy' yet.
I really do understand that.
I had 4 admissions in 91 days (2 of them were a month long). At first I thought when I got home I wouldn't be depressed anymore. Wrong. My hospital stay had taken the edge off the depression, that's all.
We get sent home at that point. It's the next 3 - 9 weeks that are the most important. The first few days/weeks - you may feel disoriented. Just take things easy. Don't focus on what you aren't doing (cleaning, cooking, exercising, etc). Instead it's important at this time to focus on what you have achieved (got out of bed, changed into clean pajamas, brushed teeth or had shower, sat in the sun, went to the shops, called a friend). Focus on those things you do achieve. Over the next few weeks, that's when your motivation to do more should arise. Then you start cleaning or regular walking or dancing (exercise), choose fresh food. Then a month or so, you may find you enjoy doing something new and start spending more time doing it.
It really is baby steps. And baby ticks, for each achievement - even the so called small or easyones.
I've been home 3 weeks. My meds are starting to work. I still don't clean house or exercise. But I get dressed, sit in the sun, read a book, listen to music I like. I'm getting there. You will too. It's simply a slow, step by step recovery.

Hi everyone. Had an emotional morning but just had a shower and shaved my legs hehe. Feeling a bit better. Soon ill go and read my book. My birthday was very overwhelming and still trying to get over it. Having lots of people here was a bit to much just after coming out of hospital. I just cant wait for the new med to kick in. I have never been this been this bad with being emotional so much. Im just trying to take minute by minute. My hubby has been great but he goes back to work tomorrow and im worried of how i will cope with the kids.

Hi @utopia I liked yr comment about being home after a hospital admission. To look at the things a person does do like getting out of bed etc. I use to get annoyed with myself because I didn't want to get out of bed. Choosing clothes, getting a towel and going off for a shower I thought was a chore for me. I like how you explained to take it 'simply' slow and it is 'step by step' recovery. I think I've never heard explained so clearly as what you have and it is this information that 'medical staff' at a clinic should be telling me when I'm unwell. It was a 'milestone' for me (if you like) to realise that I won't be cured, there is no euphoria feeling at the end of this corridor I'm going through but I can 'express' how I'm going and 'manage' my health...this may sound small my milestone realisation but it's dawned on me its up to me at some level. I hope you are going well @utopia

Yes i agree @utopia and @Neelix

@Neelix - I think it's a big aha moment. Realising you won't come out of hospital 'cured'. Of all the people I saw on different hospital stays - it was the Consumer Consultant who explained it to me. Not a psychiatrist, psychologist or a nurse - but a consultant with his own lived experience of MI. It was a revelation for me.
my initial reaction was one of depression - feeling I'll never recover - the climb is to high.
Then I realized I had real truth here about 'recovery' - the only honest version I'd heard. So I use his notes now all the time.
I'm glad it makes sense to you too

Well hubby is back at work and the kids are of to school. Im sitting here feeling so lost and alone. I have the house to clean before hubby gets home but i dont think i can even do that