elyseContributor
OCD relapse
A week ago my husband had an OCD relapse, we have been together 12 years and this is the worst one we have been through.
I find it really hard to explain what happens exactly but I will use our psychiatrists description. It's like there is a monster on his shoulder and sometimes that monster just sits there but other times that monster takes over.
For him it's like someone has let the plug out, he slowly drains away and the void that's left gets filled with this sick person.
He's 6ft 4 and a bricklayer. He's a strong man and in these episodes he crumples up into an empty shell.
His eyes go wild and he loses touch with his surroundings and goes into himself.
It's really hard to talk him out of his obsessions because he doubts everything. He doubts whether he's asked you a question, whether he's ever going to get better and he catastrophises and obsseses over these catastrophes.
Mentally healthy people seem to think that in any mental illness relaxing is the cure. But in OCD it's definitely not. It's the worst thing they can do. That's why people develop compulsions like cleaning, knocking, counting, rituals to help control their thoughts. Then these become obsessions and without doing these rituals the whole world falls apart.
When he tries to sleep the thoughts take over. A week ago he was laying on the couch curled up in a ball crying hysterically from exhaustion as his thoughts took over him repeatedly only giving him a rest so his body could fuel up enough to go another round. Watching him deal with it reminded me of childbirth. You know the next contraction is coming and it will be agonising but there's nothing you can do to stop it and you're frightened and you can't control it.
I called the CAT team that night at 4am and they turned up the next morning.
For the first time in his whole life the psychiatrist explained to both of us that he's never going to get better. That OCD is most likely genetic..
We'd always been under the impression that he could get better. That if he kept running and eating right and avoiding alcohol and drugs that he would be cured. That he'd reach some magical point that would make it all better. But he won't.
I have so much fear now for our future.
We have two little girls.
I have so much fear for them.
