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utopiaSenior Contributor27 Aug 2017, 3:34 pm AEST

HOME

Well I'm finally home (again).
4 hospital stays in 91 days. Wow. No wonder it feels so strange to be in my own house again. Adjusting will take time. Cooking for myself will take time.
My house is in the same condition in which I left it. A pigsty. So no one room has warmth and charm to lift my mood. Will have to slowly start cleaning up - one room at a time.
I did go and watch my son play soccer in the finals. I'd been so sick this year - thst it was the first game I had been to all year. His team lost. But they play again next week. So still stand a chance of playing the grand final.
My son is still living with my mum. Has been since the end of April. Hopefully he will see how much I've improved on my new anti depressants and anti anxiety meds. Then he may choose to come home soon.
Was up and doing the washing early this morning. But now reading a book in bed.
Am very bored. But have AA Meeting tomorrow night.
And I have my WorkCover IME (independent Medical Examination) - psych interview with a tough psychiatric on the 30th of this month. Think it could be on Wednesday. And then I have my much waited for Psychologist appointment. Can't see him when I'm in hospital (too far away).
So that's it for now. A new thread for a new beginning.
@Zoe7 @soul @Former-Member @Faith-and-Hope @Bast @oceangirl @outlander @Former-Member @Teej @BlueBay @Owlunar

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In response to: HOME

utopiaSenior Contributor30 Oct 2017, 10:53 pm AEDT

Re: HOME

@Owlunar @Former-Member @Shaz51.
I know it seems strange to have a shock over something as simple as having a tree cut down (especially when I wanted it gone). But the reality us that there us now a great big gap, where the tree used to be. And that feels like me at the moment.
That there is a great big empty space in my life. And it is scary. For I don't know how to fill it. I think the tree coming down showed me this big big void in my life.
I'm off to Melbourne tomorrow to see my psychiatrist. I'll try to explain it to him. My depression is just sitting there on my shoulders and I cannot get rid of it. Then I feel that's my fault, because last year after hospital I felt great and I started to create a good new life. But this time after hospital I don't see or feel any changes. And I was hoping I'd feel as good as I did last year. Nope.
Only good thing is that I'm not suicidal like before.

In response to: Re: HOME

Shaz51Senior Contributor31 Oct 2017, 8:03 pm AEDT

Re: HOME

Hello @utopia, I have been soo thinking of you today my friend xx, hope you are ok

In response to: HOME

utopiaSenior Contributor31 Oct 2017, 10:36 pm AEDT

Re: HOME

Thanks @Shaz51. Got home frim psychiatrist appointment at 5pm. And fell asleep. Just wikeup now at 10.30pm. II'm all topsy turvy.
Psych says I'm depressed because I drink. I say I drink because I'm depressed. It's a cycle that I can't seem to get off. He doesn't understand. But we will increase my anti alcohol medication from 1 tablet to 2 & see how we go.
Have a splitting headache and feel so dehydrated (sleeping with my mouth open again).

In response to: Re: HOME

Shaz51Senior Contributor01 Nov 2017, 8:46 am AEDT

Re: HOME

good morning @utopia

I saw your message last night , but i could not answer it as I think my brain went to sleep before i went to bed

about the tree , can you put a fast growing plant in it`s place , my mum had to remove a tree because of termites had got in there , mum does not like the gap it has left , she feels she has no privates at all , and you have had trouble with the washing machine ect

Mr shaz can not cope with change or things that happen suddenly , so sending you hugs and walking with you my awesome friend xoxoxo

In response to: HOME

utopiaSenior Contributor01 Nov 2017, 1:40 pm AEDT

Re: HOME

@Shaz51. Yes I think it is the sudden change that has made me nervous and out of sorts. I'll have to look through my gardening books and see what I want to plant in that big open area. As soon as I know I'll go and buy it.
Just got back from the tattoist. Arm a bit sore, but she did a great job with the wattles. I love it.
About to head to the pharmacy, as have run out if and liw on some meds.
Sounds like me and Mr shaz are very similar. I never used to be like this. I used to be able to handle change. Oh well.

In response to: Re: HOME

Shaz51Senior Contributor01 Nov 2017, 1:49 pm AEDT

Re: HOME

the wattles. , what colour @utopia , yellow ones ??

In response to: HOME

Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor01 Nov 2017, 2:13 pm AEDT

Re: HOME

Well you're habdling the change of a new wattle tattoo really well @utopia ...... jus' sayin' ......
😏

In response to: HOME

utopiaSenior Contributor01 Nov 2017, 3:05 pm AEDT

Re: HOME

@Faith-and-Hope lol.
@Shaz51. Black wattle which has the green fern like leaves with the yelliw wattle flowers. She did a great job. It's next to and wraps under the Eucalptus tattoo.
Next - a different wattle - the grey/silver/purple leaves. That will be on the other side of the Eucalyptus tattoo and wrapping underneath.
You are right @f&h - it's a diversion from the normal.

In response to: Re: HOME

Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor01 Nov 2017, 8:40 pm AEDT