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So it's 6.30. Smoko starts at 7.30am. YAY!!!! Guess what I'll be doing from 7.30 to 7.50.

Woke just before 12.30. Got a drink and managed to sleep again. Wide awake at 3.30am - got given a calmer - as no sleeping tablets after 2am. It might mess with your sleep time. Right. Wouldn't want that to happen.

Up again at 5.50 - just waiting for the click to strike 7.30.

I am still all wound up and irritated and scared they will kick me out of hospital.

Or my smoking leave pass will be removed.

Crying

Sad for you @utopia

Edging towards 7.30

Is there anything to look forward to today?

When I was in hospital I found it harder to sleep than usual, and irritated with staff. There were a few other inmates who I liked, and they accepted me even though I hardly spoke.

One of the workers took us for a bushwalk some days and that helped me a bit.

With you friend.

You'd think hospital might try to ease stress rather than add to it. Hope today treats you better, @utopia. ox

❤️ @utopia .....

@Mazarita@frog@BlueBay@Zoe7 @Faith-and-Hope

So 7.30 am rolls around and staff are still doing handover. By 7.40 - I think f this and decide I'll just go outside and have a smoke amyway. Wave my blank piece of paper at reception. She asks to see it. So I hand her it. Back to your unit and get a proper pass or I won't let you out.

Up I go. I knock on nurses door. Lucky me. Lucky him. Adam is my nurse again.

He says you tried to sneak out and have a smoke? I say bloody right I did. I'm allowed to go outside starting at 7.30am for a cigarette. It's my bliody rights. I've had little sleep. High anxiety and supposedly I have to wait for YOU to be ready.

So can I have my smoke pass now. He says how long for? I day 15 minutes. He offers me 35 minutes (easier to calculate the time). I say no. I only want 15. Remember yesterday you told me I shouldn't take too long a break ' - as I'll run out of lesve in the afternoon again. F! F! F!

So he hands me my pass. I walk all the way to the other end of the building amd then I look at the pass. He has written yrstetdays date and I'm right near reception. Instead of showing her my pass leave - I hand it to her. She says, this one's not valid. I say I know he wrote the wrong date - but I'll be f'd if I'm going to walk all the way back up there. So judt ringy unit amd ask for Adam.

I bet the bastard did it on purpose. So I think I'm officially becoming paranoid! !

And good old Adam has reminded me twice this morning that my psychiatrist will be in to talk to me today.

Bastard. Wasn't allowed to use the word starting with W and ending in anker.

Going to get a smoko pass now.

I'm so tired, so frustrated and just keep thinking, why stay. Walk out, head home, go to my desth place and do it.

So as frustrating as this all is for you @utopia you are providing us all with some light entertainment with your posts - you absolutely should write a book of your experiences. I know it is super frustrating for you amd I can hear how much this is all affecting you but you are also sticking up for your rights and taking a stand and that shows courage. You are not giving up - as much as it may feel you want to - so that is a positive Hon. Keep standing your ground @utopia and we'll keep standing with you

Damn it they’re making it hard @utopia

Adam the w sounds like a anker.

Hope things improve ❤️🐸

@frog thanks for the laugh. I'll call him Anker from now on. First laugh I've had in 5 days.

@Zoe7 - my mum suggested I write a book about my ex psychiatrist that I like to think I broke. But seriously - no one would believe me.

Now lets think of a name fir the book..

The day my psychiatrist went nuts!

Smoking in thd toilet - it could come with a copy of the song - smoking in the boys room given free with every book purchased.

Oh @utopia Anker is the name of someone I knew and it makes me gigle that you are using that name for the nurse lol - quite appropriate.

I think we could collate some of your posts here and you would have the basis for a book - I know your pists are not intended to make people laugh but I find the way you write about these experiences full of wit and they often make me giggle - your mum is right - your should write a book about your experiences - I am sure you would have an audience out there... and even if people didn't believe you you would make them laugh with the insanity it all.

I can't think of any titles for your book but I will put my thinking cap on later - I like the idea of the cd with every book lol

Aarrkkkk @utopia

Crikey - it's Monday morning and the 13th and all I want is to smoke in peace - eeekkkkk!!!!!!!

One would imagine you are in hospital to sort our the troubles in your life and they are stacking up there trying to have a few smokes - this is pure craziness

I remember when I smoked it settled my brain in some way and I could focus on the real problem at hand - goll-ee - your time and energy is being wasted with the battle of the smokes and W Anker -

Can you smoke in the men's room? In any toilet - not your own of course - but then - they know you are getting edgy and they will track the smoke down I guess

This is purely stupid - you are doing your best to comply - not quit

I'm thinking of you mate - aw sheesh

Sending hugs

Dec