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sending you lots of hugs @utopia

Thank you @Zoe7. Hugs to you too my friend. I hope you sre well.

I went and visited a good friend I used to work with today. Havn't caught up in ages. She's doing badly. Not only is she still waiting for her lawyers and our old employers lawyers to agree on her payout figure -for what they did to her (we were employed by the same company, in the same area, and had the same manager. So very similar experiences. Both with WC claims against that employer). But her husband died last year. Her son who has been going well with his Leukemia (not deadly cancer for him), has just been diagnosed yesterday with a different type of cancer as well. He had surgery to remove the growth this morning. Her dog is unlikely to see the year out.

It's just one major major thing after another. I'm amazed she can still breathe. And on top of that she is dealing with unique anxiety symptoms, plus her memory and cognitive failures due to her Depression from the workplace. She's in her late 60's and lives on a large isolated property in the country, all alone. She is so warn out. She's just not sure what to do next, but can't make a decision at the moment, as she's still grieving. It's hard to see. This once very vibrant, creative, intelligent and passionate person, reduced to a shell of her former self. And all because the bosses in head office (health care - hospital), didn't care to look after their staff, or do anything about the doubled workloads, increased stress etc. Meanwhile, the top bosses still have their jobs. They are not fighting suicidal thoughts every day. They are still living on full high wages with perks, while she struggles on the single aged pension, and I struggle on 60% of my proper part time pay with a top up from Centrelink. They do not have to be assessed every few months, in Melbourne, by different psychiatrists, some of whom aim to discredit you (they work to discredit your diagnosis or put the blame on you having it earlier and not related to the workplace - so that your workcover claim or lawsuit gets rejected). They have no worries about paying for a holiday or gifts for friends or family.

My sons birthday is in 9 days. He will be 16. Don't know what I can afford to get him. It's already been 4 years of shitty presents for birthdays and christmas, and he doesn't deserve that.

So my friend, who is amazingly still standing, but just, is going down to her sons for a few days. To look after him and his wife (who has depression) and their 5 year old child.

I really wonder whether Karma truly exists. Will our ex bosses get their come uppance? Will we recover our mental health, to a point where we can at least live a reasonable life?

I'd really REALLY REALLY like to slap my ex bosses around and inflict on them just a fraction of the pain I feel.

Oh that is horrible @utopia - what you and your friend have been (are) going through is so unfair. It does always feel like we with MIs are left out in the cold where those that have contributed to it are still living their lives - and it sucks!

I am so sorry about your friend but glad she has someone like you in her life that understands and cares - keep doing that for her Hon - I am sure she appreciates it.

I am about to face-plant but will try to catch up with you more over the weekend - just the night the meds kick in early - arghh!

Look forward to catching up with you on the weekend @Zoe7. Sweet dreams or no dreams.

Well it's 4.30 am and here I am still awake, but so tired. Only had 4 and a half hours sleep last night. But my head keeps chattering away. Asks a question and then I have to open my computer and google it. Have to do it then and there. Otherwise it just gets stuck in my head.This huge dose of anti depressants isn't working. Don't want the hassel of having to try another one again. But I can't stay on this high dose. Really don't think it helps my memory. But neither does lack of sleep.

Feeling very depressed and sorry for myself. Looked up my hospital to see when they are running the next Depression inpatient group. And they don't offer it anymore. It's now only offered in Day Programs which I can't get to. So I looked up other hospitals at the groups they run. No good. They are all just a one off single introduction to a topic that you are then meant to follow up with your therapist. But that's not working for me aat the moment. I feel an intensive 2 week course in CBT and other help for depression is what I need.

Then I thought I would look up mental health groups that I could catch up with. Only found Grow in my region. There's is a 12 step type program. I've previously tried them and didn't like it. Can't find any other face to face groups. Not having much luck with any othe suggestions my mind is asking about.

Am so beyond tired. Have tried relaxation and sleep aps for the past few nights with no success. Haven't been able to focus long enough to do my breathing exercises either.

Am sick of being mentally unwell.

Hearing you @utopia

Hearing you too @utopia ❤️

I’m thinking of you @utopia

hugs to you ❤️❤️

hearing you too @utopia

Mr shaz been on anti depressant meds for a long time and they don`t work soo they put him on anti anxiety meds as well now , but been on them for a while and he says they are not working anymore

sending you knowing hugs , with mr shaz having MDD and bipolar 2

As you know @utopia I am very aware of how tough this is for you especially with no or very little sleep and the meds not seeming to be working. It took nearly 18 months to get the meds right and in between all that sleep was a major issue. So @utopia I am really feeling for you - it is so very hard to deal with day-to-day things with little sleep let alone having a MI - that makes it nearly impossible - so hearing you and wishing I could help you with more than just words.

Sending you love an hugs my beautiful cocky friend and as much hope as there is to find a solution for everything