Depression and loss of functioning

I was going to start a thread @@oceangirl but I will spill my guts on yours because my worry tonight can be seen as how my brain functioning with depression and anxiety is affecting my life.

Had a phone conversation with a friend I don't talk to much because of the way I feel and how it affects my depression and anxiety.Finished the conversation around 15 minutes ago and I can feel the door of depression opening with a big black hole inside.The phone conversation involved her talking about people I knew from my old workplace before I had a breakdown, talking about people I get agitated the thought of hearing their name,asking questions involving my unemployment ,and asking me to go to lunch next week with her friends which I don't want to do.My brain goes into "safe mode",and this conversation tonight I don't feel safe, feel the lights are flashing .I don't know oceangirl how you turn off this learned behavior or whatever it is after I've had depression and anxiety for five years.

In relation to your question about the uni course oceangirl,I question if you are making the right choice.For five years,I have struggled, put life on hold because of my state,and life has passed by because I felt I wasn't up to it,or the impact of depression.Do you have to do full study load or part time?.Only you know how you feel but I think the brain is better off having the diversion of study, and the self worth of it.But I might be a hypercrite there when I feel I can't handle social relationships because of my loss of functioning.

I never really knew how much depression and anxiety really affects your life, the impact is significant. I hear you about your friend and how interacting with people triggers your depression, I fully understand that. You need to look after you first and be careful who you interact with. I hope you can find people to support and nurture you more.

My concern about study is not only my health and how it could make me worse but also the cost of study. The cost for one course is very expensive. The course was intense even though it only went for six weeks.I think I have made the right decision @Former-Member

@Former-Member

In some ways I am unsure about my decision because I would hope to think I was capable of doing more, in the past I would have pushed myself to do more but I don't think that is healthy and probably a sign that I was depressed for a while.

I think you deserve better friends and ones that respect you and show you kindness and support. There point of view doesn't matter, what matters is what you think of you. Perhaps try to make some friends that have similar interests that you have.....

@oceangirl,yes depression and anxiety causes you to put limitations on yourself,eg:worry about getting a job with too much pressure.I was depressed for a long time without knowing it,had symptoms similar to burnout for example.But as mentioned with me,it stopped life going on and that I have had trouble dealing with so I urge you to keep the momentum of life going.With depression and anxiety,I perceive everything as a threat to my well-being due to trying continuously to suppress the thoughts of hopelessness and SC.This is my problem as I have had to do my utmost to keep myself "safe".Last night with phone conversation,I didn't feel safe .The only way I have survived is to filter and block people out.On Friday in a supermarket I had to avoid aisles because there were people I knew who I didn't want to know.I had to escape because of the fear of conversations involving me being interrogated about my life.Cant handle it.

I don't know if I want friends ocean girl,I haven't got the energy for people.I won't be going to lunch with her,I no longer will put myself in that position.I always say people can gossip,but don't put it in my face. I don't know how I'm going to survive, because I can't handle anything.

@oceangirl,yes depression and anxiety causes you to put limitations on yourself,eg:worry about getting a job with too much pressure.I was depressed for a long time without knowing it,had symptoms similar to burnout for example.But as mentioned with me,it stopped life going on and that I have had trouble dealing with so I urge you to keep the momentum of life going.With depression and anxiety,I perceive everything as a threat to my well-being due to trying continuously to suppress the thoughts of hopelessness and SC.This is my problem as I have had to do my utmost to keep myself "safe".Last night with phone conversation,I didn't feel safe .The only way I have survived is to filter and block people out.On Friday in a supermarket I had to avoid aisles because there were people I knew who I didn't want to know.I had to escape because of the fear of conversations involving me being interrogated about my life.Cant handle it.Through my personal battles ,I am a private person and I can't stand gossip and rarely care about anyone else.

I don't know if I want friends ocean girl,I haven't got the energy for people.I won't be going to lunch with her,I no longer will put myself in that position.I always say people can gossip,but don't put it in my face. I don't know how I'm going to survive, because I can't handle anything.I know the isolation feeds the depression,but social contact triggers it. I felt the lights go out in my head last night it's like a wire is disconnected to the brain.

Loss of function through depression I can relate to and to have compassion is necessary from loved ones as well as friends.

Take care and know that people on this forum have been there and know how your feeling. We're behind you 100% and you certainly have friends who can relate to you on this forum. Well wishes from Bimby2.

I like your fortrigtness @Former-Member about who knows what goes around in our minds. My depression causes me tto not be as spontaneous as I would like to be but I resent people saying getting over what's wrong with one.It's a daily personal journey and I can understand how you feel. Hang in there and never give up hope that things will get better. With very best wishes for your future happiness and health. Bimby2.