Beautiful 15 year old daughter, self sabotage, self harm, self centred.

It sounds to me like you are doing an amazing job and all you can do is been done. Your analogy of the small child on the equipment is so spot on... It is so sad to watch and feel so helpless, but know in your heart you are doing everything you possibly can. It sounds so cliche but Try and take time for you, you need to look after yourself as well so that in turn you keep that amazing strength you already have to continue the great job you're doing.

Unfortunately rules of the forum are anonymity so speaking privately is not an option, however I am happy to chat here anytime I can. My daughter is doing an amazing job and after 3 years of what I can only describe as living hell with self harm, self sabotage etc, admissions in and out of hospital we finally came through (and I say this with great trepidation because I don't want yo jinx it!) the other side. The turning point I feel for her was realizing her issues had a name.BPD. I understand a label is not for everyone and every case is different but for her it was major. With the label came hope. She had no hope before that, but when she knew of other stories of recovery and treatments she found that hope. She then willingly engaged in an intensive DBT program and I actively did some courses on managing strategies for carers of BPD. We still have bad days but she has taken more on board and can often recognize what she does as a symptom of her BPD. I guess there is a bit of maturity on board now as well which also helps. Again though I really don't think we would have got this far without her having hit that rock bottom I spoke about earlier. Every case is different and all I can say is I am incredibly proud of my daughter who faces a struggle everyday but is gutsy enough to continue to face it. I highly recommend a book. Overcoming Borderline personality disorder by Valerie Porr. She gave me great hope and insight into understanding how I could support her.

I also found Orygen helpful .. and inclusive of parent but respectful of young person's confidentiality. Good luck

Hi parent1

i notice you've not been on the forum much lately, all though neither have I 😛. Any way I just wanted to touch base again and mention that all though things were going well and I had thought we'd hit rock bottom it appears that the bottom is deeper than I'd realized. After a period of stability she crashed heavily just befor Christmas. I'm not writing this to talk doom and gloom, on the contrary I am writing this to you n the hope things are better for you and to let you know that all though that rock bottom is deeper than I thought, I have come out of it with even greater admiration for my daughter and an even stronger strength of hope that things will improve because again she has shown me what a fighter she us and she has a great determination to continue to seek help.

I hope things are going well for you and if you too have had a rocky time then I hope that you too have gleaned some positive from the experience.

Thinking of you.

Hi @astrengthinever and @parent1.

I have just joined this forum after some browsing/linking/reading mental health sites. I've recently started seeing a psychologist who suggested that my Daughter could have BPD and you both describe Ds with same traits/symptoms as mine. My D is not formally diagnosed and is averse (at the moment) to going to therapy. She has moved out against our wishes but then again everything she has done in the last 2 years is against our better judgement. Her younger brother has started having anxiety attacks, her dad just avoids her, I despair of the family being 'normal'. She treats me like crap when she sees me. Her relationships are linear (crash and burn) and heavily interdependent; I think she manipulates everyone and I feel I should warn them, they all think I'm an overprotective worrywart but I can see potential lifelong issues unless it is dealt with now - am i right? I don't do anything for her really, especially now she has moved out, except I do pay for her phone - it's my only link with her... She finished VCE but seems to be spending this so-called gap year on finding ways to get money for doing nothing. I want to see her but not the friends - who are always trailing along. Can she be 'fixed' earlier rather than later, and how, if she is unwilling or in denial? She too is attractive (but unwashed, sullen and surly), talented (not being used), and used to be enthusiastic, curious, happy with a deep and generous heart... And what are these boundaries and consequences everyone talks about? I've told her I will not tolerate abusive behaviour any more but now what? We don't have family near us and I need her to look after her brother every now and then but she blackmails me in the process.