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Psychosis

DefiantPandaSenior Contributor08 Aug 2015, 3:25 pm AEST

Psychosis

I'm trying to beat paranoia / delusions without drugs but it's very difficult. Every now and then something sets it off, triggers it again. Right now I'm going through it again. It's been several months since the last time. So again I'm finding myself half convinced that everyone I know is in on a plot to 'fix' me. That the government has hired these people to exercise mind control tactics on me to set me on the path they want me to be on. The other half of me just thinks that the people are harmless, nice, normal. But it feels so real. I'm trying not to think about it. It's scaring me - I don't want to feel this way. Life is great when everything feels normal. I don't know what to do. Medication turns me into a zombie. I try to exercise and eat well and all that to control it but it's hard - one slip up, one coffee and I'm spiralling back out of control again. If I go to the dr and get diagnosed then what? They force feed me ******** and send me to a psychiatrist who - what? Pretends to listen to me. Thinks about his next holiday in Fiji while I talk about my delusions and how real they feel. Puts me on disability? Then what? I get shoved to the side, everyone glances at me pitily - oh poor girl, her brain is fucked. Great. Why can't I just make this go away? Why?

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In response to: Psychosis

ideasladySenior Contributor22 Sept 2017, 5:30 am AEST

Re: Psychosis

Hi @DefiantPanda, are you strill around? How are you going now?
What you said is how I'm living my life. Usually I can control it and distinguish reality even though those thoughts are constant. Especially now I'm working ..... the thoughts just keep coming.
I'm desperate to find a way to get off the dsp pension. I have 4 children and I want them to have good experiences and to give them things that I didn't have.
Right now I have a job that I've dreamed about for a long time. But I feel like such a failure because I'm not coping. I live in a very small town and everyone knows everyone. I hide my illness trying to be normal. One time I opened up to a client of mine about my bipolar disorder and he told me not to let anyone else in town know or I wouldn't get any more clients.
It's really affecting me and makes me want to pack my family up and move from our beautiful house, so we can live a secret life or at least buy milk from the grocery store without seeing everyone.
It makes me be a terrible mum. For example, my children need to go to the doctors. I'm too ashamed to go to my local doctor....where all the good doctors are, mostly my children's friends parents because I'm on a pension. I'm really trying hard to succeeed with my job and now the entire town knows me as I'm a real estate agent and have a billboard. Can you imaging what the doctors reception would think (our friend) when I check in to see the doctor with my dsp card.
I would love to go off it but the reality is im living in a constant mild psychosis. I know if I quite my job I would have regret as I'm so grateful to have it and meet the people I do through work.
Sorry, I'm kind of lost and really need to talk to someone or at least let it out here. I'm like you though....I've been on the doctors, psychiatrist, meds train before. I don't want to live my life like a zombie. It's just sad ..... it's ok though ..... I know the time will pass and things will be ok again.

In response to: Re: Psychosis

Bubbles3Senior Contributor22 Sept 2017, 10:22 am AEST

Re: Psychosis

hi @DefiantPanda.
hope you are ok. i go though that to and i have only just change anti psychotic and its helping so far with the voices. my emotional state is a different story. haha. hope your doing ok.
bubbles

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