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Something’s not right

i found myself broken

ohanaisSenior Contributor

i found myself broken

Hi all - I feel as though I need to explain myself...

@outlander@CheerBear@Zoe7@Faith-and-Hope@Phoenix_Rising@Shaz51 @Owlunar @Former-Member@TAB@MDT@Former-Member@Former-Member@oceangirl@Mazarita@Maggie@soul@eth

As you may or may not have noticed.. a few days ago my old account @dazedanais left The Forums.. I found myself so broken and unwanting of life and just felt like a complete burden. I had a massive breakdown and harmed myself a lot. I know I made a mistake in leaving these Forums, I have made so many nice, lovely friends and now I just feel as though I have messed it all up. It is all on me. I am sorry. I felt embarrassed of making an account again so early but I realised it was something I need.. because as pathetic as it sounds. You guys are the only people I have to talk to.


I have been breaking so incredibly hard. I have questioned my own safety and have also been too afraid to seek help for my current state. I feel so GUILTY for it. I am so sorry. I have felt like an annoyance too because of how unwell I have been and then everyone concentrates on my wellbeing and I think - you need to contentrate on YOURSELF not @dazedanais who is a complete stranger.. because I do not deserve anyone's time. I do not deserve it I am at such a low. Today alone I found myself needing and actually requiring an ambulance to be called after certain tendencies... I won't mention. Again this is all MY FAULT. I don't know why I am like this. I hate to be such a disappointment to you all and my actual family.

I am so so afraid. So afraid. I no longer feel safe with myself and I don't know what to do about it. I am afraid of the aggressive, condescending and punshments that would come out if I would need to go to hospital again.. so I am avoiding it. At the same time - I don't know if I can remain safe anymore.

I havent stopped crying all day, I feel so numb. I am back but again I am so so so SORRY. it is all my fault

222 replies

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In response to: i found myself broken

ohanaisSenior Contributor

Re: i found myself broken

Thank you @TAB It is difficult ❣

In response to: i found myself broken

ohanaisSenior Contributor

Re: i found myself broken

@Zoe7

Thank you thank you thank you Zoe7.

I am glad to hear you being on the forums tonight although I am sorry to hear about your recent absence. It is something so dreadful and horribke to think or feel - but exactly as what you said, it is what the forums are for, it is extremely hard to realise it though. As gaining attention or people supporting you can make you begin to feel like a burden or selfish in a way.

I truly believe everyone contains fear in one way or another.

Zoe7 I am sorry to write this short - I do need to quickly head off.. however - is it okay it I write to you and mention you tomorrow morning?

In response to: Re: i found myself broken

Zoe7Senior Contributor

Re: i found myself broken

omg @ohanais you being here is enough - no need for replies - and definitely write to me whenever you like buddy Look after yourself tonight sweetheart and please check in with me tomorrow - I will be thinking of you and hoping you are safe tonight

In response to: Re: i found myself broken

soulSenior Contributor

Re: i found myself broken

Hi @ohanais - I too am glad that you are back. I hope you can see that you were missed and that you matter to us. Please let us know when you are struggling. We mightn't be able to fix your problems but we are here to listen.

In response to: i found myself broken

ohanaisSenior Contributor

Re: i found myself broken

@Former-Member

I do know that you can also relate in the feelings of leaving & coming back 💜💔

I do love reading - and I read a lot on the brain, and mental health as I find it very interesting (and worthwhile in understanding or gaining comprehension)

I am quickly heading off but will be back - I just really need to take a moment and think. Talk soon?

In response to: Re: i found myself broken

Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor

Re: i found myself broken

So good to see you back @ohanais ..... no judgements ... just good to see you back.

Sorry to hear that you have been struggling so much ..... hopefully having so many friends here who have missed you will help to calm you a bit ..... walking along with you .....

Hugs .... 💜💐💕

In response to: i found myself broken

TABSenior Contributor

Re: i found myself broken

Im not in your shoes @ohanais but I wish you well 😀

In response to: i found myself broken

TABSenior Contributor

Re: i found myself broken

Well I mean not now, not today re 'shoes' but I have my moments @ohanais Talking helps. And good to see you back 😀

In response to: i found myself broken

Unknown userMember

Re: i found myself broken

Sure, chat sometime soon. @ohanais 💟💗
That's good that you love reading.
I used to feel extremely depressed etc, 24/7 for many years.
No joy whatsoever, not for a second.
Now I do experience some joy.
Every day is a struggle, as soon as I wake up. Some days I have energy to fight, other days I don't.
It changes, but at least I know what happiness does feel like and I want more. 😊
Hoping the deep depression will lift off you soon.
I know how hard it is to fight when feeling like that.
I hope that it helps you to chat on here, but it's ok when you need a break, we all do at times.

I'm going to try and get an early night.

Love and hugs to you. 💜

In response to: i found myself broken

MDTSenior Contributor

Re: i found myself broken

hey @ohanais it really sucks that you are in the midst of a trial at the moment

I've only been on these forums for a few weeks now but I can see how they are having a positive effect on you which is good!

Always remember that you are not a burden. Especially on here. No one is making anyone come on here to chat about their experiences so it's okay. You are not burdening no one here 🙂

It's always good to speak about what's going on for us too so I commend you on that!

Keep speaking up 🙂 Thanks for including me in the new post too 🙂

Recently it's a bit tough in my own life too so I can kind of empathise with you on that one.

Take care of yourself 🙂

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SANE acknowledges the Traditional Owners of Country throughout Australia and recognises the continuing connection to lands, waters and communities. We pay our respect to Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander cultures; and to Elders past and present.

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