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Something’s not right

i found myself broken

ohanaisSenior Contributor

i found myself broken

Hi all - I feel as though I need to explain myself...

@outlander@CheerBear@Zoe7@Faith-and-Hope@Phoenix_Rising@Shaz51 @Owlunar @Former-Member@TAB@MDT@Former-Member@Former-Member@oceangirl@Mazarita@Maggie@soul@eth

As you may or may not have noticed.. a few days ago my old account @dazedanais left The Forums.. I found myself so broken and unwanting of life and just felt like a complete burden. I had a massive breakdown and harmed myself a lot. I know I made a mistake in leaving these Forums, I have made so many nice, lovely friends and now I just feel as though I have messed it all up. It is all on me. I am sorry. I felt embarrassed of making an account again so early but I realised it was something I need.. because as pathetic as it sounds. You guys are the only people I have to talk to.


I have been breaking so incredibly hard. I have questioned my own safety and have also been too afraid to seek help for my current state. I feel so GUILTY for it. I am so sorry. I have felt like an annoyance too because of how unwell I have been and then everyone concentrates on my wellbeing and I think - you need to contentrate on YOURSELF not @dazedanais who is a complete stranger.. because I do not deserve anyone's time. I do not deserve it I am at such a low. Today alone I found myself needing and actually requiring an ambulance to be called after certain tendencies... I won't mention. Again this is all MY FAULT. I don't know why I am like this. I hate to be such a disappointment to you all and my actual family.

I am so so afraid. So afraid. I no longer feel safe with myself and I don't know what to do about it. I am afraid of the aggressive, condescending and punshments that would come out if I would need to go to hospital again.. so I am avoiding it. At the same time - I don't know if I can remain safe anymore.

I havent stopped crying all day, I feel so numb. I am back but again I am so so so SORRY. it is all my fault

222 replies

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In response to: i found myself broken

ohanaisSenior Contributor

Re: i found myself broken

@Former-Member

Today hasn't been kind at all - but people like you have 🌻 thank you. There are kind people who just only want to help other despite completely suffering themselves. I think we are all here for a reason - even the moderators, you all have your background stories as to why you are here now and in this career.

Inside out is a beautiful movie - I only watched it for the first time recently. That is truly a coincidence.

Tonight I am struggling to get through - as my mind starts fights and shares contradictions. Don't know how much longer it can continue, take care of yourself too. So much time is spent into others - and sometimes you just need time for yourself.

Again - thank you 💜💕

In response to: Re: i found myself broken

Unknown userMember

Re: i found myself broken

Hi @ohanais

I sincerely appreciate your thanks. I'm sorry today has not been so kind to you - hopefully the sun will shine brighter tomorrow! That is so true - you are one of those people who want to help others. Yes, I believe all of us here on the forums are here for a reason - members and moderators alike!

Wow - that is a coincidence! I loved the movie too!

Thank you, I will - you take care too! Yes, we can spend so much time trying to help others, but sometimes you need to help yourself first! Because you matter - you are important!

In response to: i found myself broken

ohanaisSenior Contributor

Re: i found myself broken

@Former-Member

I hope you take in your own words also 💜💕 that is so kind, and beautiful - thank you. A lot of thank you's over here!

Just taking out your time to write something and to send it in my direction really means a ton - definitely on slippery and difficult roads at tonight. The sun hasn't been shining in my section of the word, and seems to get darker and dimmer by the second 💔 that is where my heart collapses on what to do next because I DON'T KNOW - breaking point over here.. lol

What a stunning image - so much positivity is radiating from you! If only people could share some heh.. 💜

In response to: i found myself broken

Unknown userMember

Re: i found myself broken

Thinking of you @ohanais and sending you love and hugs 💜💕
🌹🌼🌹🌼🌹🌼🌹🌼🌹🌼🌹🌼🌹🌼🌹🌼🌹

This terrible time will pass.

In response to: i found myself broken

ohanaisSenior Contributor

Re: i found myself broken

Thank you for passing by @Former-Member

I know you haven't exactly been feeling too dandy either - how have you been today? Take care 💜💕

I wish I could believe you when you say this time will pass.. still waiting - it's been years of having a terrible time

In response to: i found myself broken

Unknown userMember

Re: i found myself broken

I know it's hard to believe that "this will pass",
@ohanais 💜💗💟
I too have struggled for many years.
I hope you will be able to find the right help for you. Keep searching. I know it's hard, but help is there. Big hugs to you. 💕

In response to: i found myself broken

Unknown userMember

Re: i found myself broken

By the way @ohanais
I admire how you can still be kind and caring on the forums, despite how you feel. 💜💕
Be kind and caring to yourself too, you deserve it.

In response to: i found myself broken

Unknown userMember

Re: i found myself broken

And you too @outlander 💜💕
I admire how kind and caring you are on the forums as well.
Please be kind and caring to yourself too.

In response to: i found myself broken

CheerBearSenior Contributor

Re: i found myself broken

@ohanais - I'm doing a really quick FIFO forum visit between things with the littles. I have been meaning to share this with you and thought I'd post before I forgot to again.

Since I listened to the song you shared the other night, I've had my playlist set to 'radio based on..' and it's been so good to listen to some other songs for a change. I've had this one (on repeat maybe a few too many times) and it's a new favourite.

https://youtu.be/kbYbvDK-HlY

I'm a huge dance/house fan, but pretty picky with music as it can be too much for my precious snowflake brain sometimes. A song has to be a good balance of uplifting but feely, which for me this one is.

Just wanted to share with you and let you know I've been thinking of you 🙂

Hope today is good for you 💗

In response to: Re: i found myself broken

MDTSenior Contributor

Re: i found myself broken

@ohanaishope you are going a bit better today!

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