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not coping

outlanderSenior Contributor04 Aug 2017, 8:11 pm AEST

not coping

im not coping

i cant handle all of these things

besides my mental health deteriorating so dramatically, and my physicall health floating up the creek

and now within the past few hours

my great grandmother now is in a nursing home and they dont know how long she has left and to make thigns worse i think i have to put my beleoved horse down.

we just had vets out and spend the last 4 hours trying to save my horse. its been 2 hours and went back to check on her and its not looking good.

not good at all 😞 😞 😞 😞 😞 😞 😞 😞

i dont know what to do or how to feel, im a complete mess 😞

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In response to: not coping

outlanderSenior Contributor30 July 2020, 4:52 pm AEST

Re: not coping

it has been a busy day and still going @Snowie
my counsellor is online tonight so i thought about contacting her since its been 2 weeks.
i wont be able to next week or the week after because i will have the kids in the times shes on (she only works evenings) so again my mother never seems to listen when i ask if she can do day ones instead. if i dont talk to the counsellor i have now then i wont be able to until at least mid august so im not sure what to do

hows your day been?

In response to: not coping

NatureLoverSenior Contributor30 July 2020, 4:54 pm AEST

Re: not coping

I'm glad the feed and the rugs aren't too heavy. It sounds like the gear on Saturday will be heavy though? @outlander

In response to: Re: not coping

SnowieSenior Contributor30 July 2020, 5:05 pm AEST

Re: not coping

Might be a good idea to contact her then tonight @outlander if you cannot for the next few weeks. Even if its only for a short chat, at least you have spoken to someone.

I know your mother never listens to you hun, I wish she would for your sake. Even if she came to a compromise with you. After everything you do for her she should be listening to what you want.

My day has been ok, my brain has been mulfunctioning 😒. Put some furniture together for S that I ordered online. Still waiting for some more of it to come.

Have avoided M today (which I will probably get into trouble for at a later stage). Just needed a break from all the drama.

In response to: Re: not coping

outlanderSenior Contributor30 July 2020, 5:09 pm AEST

Re: not coping

nah its not heavy @NatureLover not this stuff theres just a few on there so will fill up my entire boot.

In response to: Re: not coping

outlanderSenior Contributor30 July 2020, 5:13 pm AEST

Re: not coping

yeah i might @Snowie i get so paranoid about people coming over. my aunt tends to come over late at night and is really unpredictable so it makes me nervous too.
i kind of feel guilty for contacting the counsellor if im feeling ok on the day, like i feel like i have to be having a bad day, triggerred or in some sort of crisis to be able to connect.

i did ask her a few weeks ago and she said she will put in that she wants to do some day shifts and when she gave me the roster 2 day out of 3 weeks are day shift. how pathetic. its actually making me abit angry over it. i know she needs to work but why doesnt she listen. it doesnt seem to matter how many times i ask or say it or whatever it goes in one ear and out the other.

im sorry your brains malfunctioning today, avoiding M is probably a good idea for a while for you own mh. good that you put some furniture together though.

In response to: Re: not coping

SnowieSenior Contributor30 July 2020, 5:38 pm AEST

Re: not coping

I can understand that @outlander When I talk to my psych or pdoc over the phone, I am paranoid that H is standing outside the door listening to what I say (I know he wouldn't however). I never contact anyone if people are around, I am scared they will listen and/or read what I write so can understand what you are saying hun.

Please do not feel guilty for contacting the counsellor when you are not in crisis. If you saw a psych weekly or fortnightly you would still see them, so perhaps treat it llike that. We still need to talk to someone hun.

Maybe your mother needs a dose of reality. She needs to know what happens when you are not around to look after your sisters. But I know y ou wouldn't do that to her or your sisters, you are too much of a kind hearted person.

In response to: Re: not coping

outlanderSenior Contributor30 July 2020, 5:42 pm AEST

Re: not coping

yeah thats the same for me @Snowie if i ever have a phone convo usually its in the car away from people because im paranoid. the webchat is good because i can close the screen but not when kids and stuff are around because you know how unpredictable it is and i cant just end the chat quickly.

i asked mum how come shes not doing day shift and its apparently cause shes casual. she gets given some options only when the regular full/part timers are done so i guess in a way its not her fault but its so frustrating. if i wasnt here then what would happen then? i know its selfish but geez i hate doing the night ones.it doesnt leave me much time to do anything. its ok if i take them and have them for an hr or so in the arvo but not all damn night.

In response to: Re: not coping

NatureLoverSenior Contributor30 July 2020, 5:45 pm AEST

Re: not coping

@outlander wrote:
nah its not heavy @NatureLover not this stuff theres just a few on there so will fill up my entire boot.

Ok, that's good, except for the big load...

In response to: Re: not coping

outlanderSenior Contributor30 July 2020, 5:49 pm AEST

Re: not coping

its ok @NatureLover the owners will help unload it and put it into her car and the new owners car whatevers going with the horse so itll just be abit tricky squishing it all in to start with but itll be good cause itll free up some of my front carport and my spare room that has everything in it.

In response to: Re: not coping

SnowieSenior Contributor30 July 2020, 6:00 pm AEST

Re: not coping

Completely understand @outlander I would never do chat or phone if my kids are around.

It is not being selfish hun, you have a right to your own life sweetheart. Yes you are there to help but you shouldn't be relied on all of the time. Hopefully when your sister is a bit older then she can look after the youngest one. All night till midnight is not fair for you especially when you have your pop to look after too.

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