not coping

no i usually just get left out @Snowie its awkward and i dont want to anymore. its been long established im not really in the family

my mother and her partner will be working @tyme shes staying at mine tonight and i have her most of tomorrow doing breakfast for her my other sister and sisters friend and mum when shes home and pop. thats about it.

borderline is hard. i try not to take it personally but its also hard because its not just christmas its basically every event now so i just dont go. i just drop pop off and use the time todo what i need to do. i dont really celebrate anything else besides christmas but i dont really even feel like that this year.

rejection is really hard for me and also so is the abandonment and inability to fit in, and trying not to get attached to people. i use to like being 'alone' and in my own space but now everyone is well gone when im not at work im just isolated constantly. the only people around me besides those that have a need for me are those that i pay.

its more for them @creative_writer many have it harder then i do and if i can help bring a smile just for one day so someone doesnt feel alone thatll be good.

my anxiety is so bad. urgh i hate when it comes on like this. its another thing to try and manage 😞
its also starting to flood here so the drive home tonight might be interesting.

thanks @Snowie its frustrating when it happens. i constantly feel like i have to mindfully breath otherwise ive been forgetting to breathe at all lately!

no we are just watching war movies @Snowie still another 3 hours to go yet. seems to be going pretty slowly now

Please stay safe @outlander

@Snowie , how was fish and chips?