not coping

@Sans911 💜
Its starting to hurt quite alot again. Its been a very long week. I cant believe how much its affected me, u generally good with working through pain but this has really wiped me out, ive barely even managed to go to the horses this week, barely even been able to do basic chores. I only managed to do the dishes today and 2 loads of washing only cause washing was quite necessary

It's not going to be better hun until you get some rest.You're always pushing yourself to do things. Why can't your sister come and help; just for a few hours?

You've had sickness on sickness for a long time lil Sis @outlander. Much like Zoe is. With all the stress and responsibility you have, getting well is that much harder for you.

I'm so sorry I'm not there to help you, to give you gentle hugs, to take away the pain and treat you with the respect & dignity you deserve.

Have you anything that helps? Heat pack, medicine?

@Snowie 💕

Alot of the issue is its not physical work @Sans911 the housework ive accepted can wait unless necessary like the bit of washing i done today. Pop vaccums when i ask. Its the fact its really mentally draining and it doesnt matter if someone else is here, the worst of it is often after they leave. He has sundownings , im so sure of it. Like even for last weeks ive basicslly been resting in my room but still keeping an ear out but its still draining because of how repetitive it is. At least 10 times a day i hear about how much ive ruined things from either lending his car out for a few days (he suggested it and agrreed to lending it out) or a restricted license or not having a key (theres always a spare key outside in the same spot but it doesnt register and i cant leave cues for that) or that he doesnt have a phone (because hes smashed the last 3 of them and i haven't set up the new one yet) his whole attitude and moods are like a revolving door and ill be speaking to his specialist in a few months about it, she might increase the new med hes on for that. Its all just mentally draining. He goes to his mates place every second day, has a carer once a week, my aunt comes over once a week and sometimes mum will pop in or he will go out there so its not like hes never out etc he just seems to act like it when im around or when hes home or anytime after lunchtime i start to notice changes . He starts sulking around the house and the attitudes change.

You are here even if your not here in person.

Im on frequent meds for pain spasms, nausea atm plus strong twice daily meds. I had a hot shower to help with the muscle aches.

Yeah I'm hearing you @outlander but help would still ease some of the burden. And waiting a couple of months to see his specialist is a long time. It's a lot for you to cope with on young shoulders. Is it perhaps time to think about placement into a dementia specific facility?

I might be able to get him in sooner @Sans911 ill give them a ring tomorrow and ask. He wont cope in there, i not long went through the conversation but it very quickly got out of hand. The only way for a break would be for me to go elsewhere. Its sad and hard but its not a possibility right now. He doesnt qualify for the permant residence either, he wouldnt cope well at all and it would prob make me stress alot more too.
I just need help with this, help that he will accept and not make it worse for me as well. Itd not working well but i dont know what other options there are atm. I have asked but because he is also still capable of making decisions it seems he still has alot of say as well. What hurts the most is they say he can make these decisions but its ok for him to call names etc 'just ignore it' or he wont remember it anyway' is the usual responses. I dont know if he would qualify for extra carer time either

Im sorry for burdening you with it all

No burden on me Lil Sis @outlander.

@Sans911 💜

How are you tonight

I'm alright @outlander. Sorry I did respond earlier but fell asleep before I posted.

I did some gardening this afternoon so that has worn me out. I tidied up, planted some veges & mint cuttings and of course Mr A was there supervising.

I'm lying here in the dark contemplating whether to go back to sleep or take care of some urgent emails that need doing. The urgency of the emails is winning.