Feel like giving up even community mental health team refusing to help me

Hi @sjpersonal,

Welcome to the forums. I'm afraid I don't have any magic solution for you, but I can certainly relate to your predicament. I am a 40-year old woman with ASD. Although I have been in the mental health system and with one therapist or another since I was 19, no-one picked up the minor little detail of autism. All of my issues were seen only through the lens of my primary psychiatric diagnosis of borderline personality disorder. I finally figured out for myself that I had ASD when I was 36 years old and I then paid to get formally assessed at an autism specialist clinic.

I have had one awful experience after another, trying to get support. Last week I saw my eleventh therapist in eighteen months. It did not go well, to say the least!!!

I have pretty much given up hope of finding anyone who genuinely gets both the ASD and the mental health stuff. My uni counsellor was awesome with it, and so was a psychologist that she found for me (but who then closed her practice a few months after I started seeing her). I simply haven't been able to find anyone else who gets it.

I was on the waiting list for a private psychiatrist for 18 months. When an appointment finally came up, my GP sent her information about my situation. The psychiatrist then called my GP and said she would not see me because I was "too complex."

So...as I said, I don't have any answers for you, I can only tell you that you are not alone in facing this predicament. It seems to me that most mental health professionals know very little about ASD and those who are very interested in it, then tend to work exclusively with ASD clients and thus don't have a strong understanding of complex mental health issues. Thus those of us who have both ASD and a complex mental health issue kind-of live in a gap.

I hope you are at least able to feel supported here in Forum Land @sjpersonal.

Rang the mental Health line that night as was not doing well was told I am 31 find my own support (considered ending it after I hung on them) and been told by old case manager and my MH Nurse no incentive in Duty of Care any more. Only thing I have going for me is (prescribed anti anxiety medication) if things get too bad as cant call anyone even mental health as well as guilt on those I leave behind.

Thankfully I ended up ringing my psychologist (who almost funnyly enough almost called emergency services (waste of time))(who everyone is telling me to dump even my Mental Health nurse who works with him he considers me a danger risk only reason (I think I withheld information from him as was still in a dase)I walked out of his office on friday was I told him "I should be ok if not I would knock myself out with (prescribed anti anxiety medication) " apparently he will set me up with an Intern when ever that would be even then I wonder how honest I can be as I have scared the crap out of a couple of them safety wise.

Feel I am on borrowed time which is almost up. As the government has set me up to fail I guess its only for the rich and strong to survive

Sorry things are so tight right now.

Do you have any experiences or interests or passions that can help distract you or even just structure your time.

It is far more difficult to get help without money ... there is not a level playing field in this world ... I know all about that.

Keep trying though. For yourself and those in your life.

Even if people dont seem to be able to make a big difference. We are all connected and do influence each other. Try and make it for the good.

Been trying to shrug the depression off for the last 3 weeks but can't so suspecting I am in my Depressive Cycle (Bipolar 2) with no psychiatrist or Bipolar meds and there are professional fears as can get impulsive. Also to top that off I have Autism and issues around mood regulation, anxiety and communication issues and abandonment issues as Family completely disowned me and live on my own.

Hi again @sjpersonal,

It sucks that you have so little support around you. I am also totally estranged from my family and quite alone in this world. I understand how scary it can be, especially when you have communication issues and can't always advocate for yourself. Like @Appleblossom said, it really isn't a fair playing field out there. Right now the awesome people here in Forum Land and on the end of the phone at the SANE helpline are keeping me afloat. It is really tough and really scary, and I very much wish I had an answer for you.

@sjpersonal

I have had a heap of abandonment issues and self identify as autistic or Aspie, but also have worked at a lot of emotional and relational stuff

As @Phoenix_Rising has a heap of experience too and we are insightful and nutty in a completely beautiful and humourous way.... or at least we try to be.

Sorry @sjpersonal I did not see your reply til now.

When you are feeling better, what are your interests?

Well things have gotten out of control where I am spacing out on the phone or verbally apparently I am very verbal (abusive??) and not remembering my impulsiveness has also starting to get out of control and my Disability advocate (main reason is NDIS and help with other areas) is pressuring me to get more documents but wont be specific refuses to communicate with other supports even though I have signed consent.

Also my support coordinator is expecting me to continue to self advocate as its in her right to do as I only have funds for 30-45mins per week and has done no service agreements or help me I have had to find and negotiate a plan manager. As well as try to the point of breaking of negotiating with home care organisation I was with as the original service coordinator I was put with was my old case manager that refused to do anything and with NDIS was giving Support coordinator completely wrong information that I would have been taken financial advantage of thankfully my care worker called his supervisor and now under her and now sorted.

My mental health got the point I tried to voluntarily admit myself to Hopsital 1 while I still had the capacity to think straight as for the last 4-5 week MH Nurse has been trying to get me to due to complete mood instability was refused but apparently I space out and apparently went off verbally and admitted to seclusion as only bed with 2 psychiatric sleeping tablets about 1-2am.

Was transfered to the hospital 1 mental facility later that night was offered medication 2 anti anxiety tablets (which I am on) and a powerful antipsychotic 100mgs(which I was able to refuse as wasnt sure I could handle as i had tried that 12 years ago and had to cut the lowest tablet 25mg in half the original time I tried in a hypomanic state but couldnt handle it)

The next day the psychiatrist had already made up his mind that I was the community's responsibility and GP to manage meds as thinking the anti depressant might have a bad affect on me as not on mood stabilizer and been advised by my last treating Psychiatrist not to go as high. The facility psychiatrist asked me why I even needed a mood stabilizer tried to explain I am bipolar my moods are out of control and attempted to show him the mood diary I attempted to do but was not interested in looking at and told me I am getting discharged and made me to take the current dosage of anti depressant even though I tried to object the medication. Was escorted into a taxi with a voucher and driver was directed to take me home at this point I had my support worker about to pick me up.

Made a few phone calls support worker (as he took me in and was going to visit me) old case manager that has always helped me and still is even though I am no longer with that organisation as they are leaving the NDIS) cant remember exactly what was said but know I said I wasn't suicidal but impulsive rang both my GP and Mh OT and got the receptionists for both and the OT receptionist stayed on the line til my support worker walked through my door and spoke to him.

About 30-1hr at home still with Support worker he answered my mobile as I didn't feel up to it and put it on speaker with my permission it was the ambulance dispatch to take me to hospital as either the GP or OT rang them. Went to Hospital 2 kept overhearing from reception I was not high priority this is infront of the Ambos, support worker the ambos waited about an hour until they were told they could go. Waited 4-5 hours to see someone who assessed me and told me I should disobey all medical and mental adivse and take the anti anxiety meds more regular and sent me home.

Both times I explained I did not feel safe due to impulsiveness and my history as well as briefly spacing out and my mh nurse was on leave for another 2 or so week and psychologist had just left me as the psychologist cant deal with crisis (was told via email).

For the past 13 or so years I have had psychologists try to admit me for intense psychotherapy and medication management(but either I or treating psychiatrists) as my mind is too fragile due to originally childhood abuse and now even more fragile as a lot has happened and suppressed as psychologists have only been able to do CBT due to my fragile mind hence why I tried to admit myself on Tuesday night but got refused by 2 mental health facilities as I believe I am now at breaking point as my ASD lvl2 Bipolar 2 anxiety disorders are all nearly completely out of control and getting nearly impossible to suppress stuff.

Any advise as I cant afford private as on DPS and no support as been refused by psychologist (need to find a new one) maybe by MH nurse practitioner I have seen for 5 years (as he gets back in about 2 weeks)

Also I feel I have over stood the boundaries of my support worker as even though his supervise knows he had given his private mobile number in case of separation as I do photography with him and he advised everyone he was care worker and told his supervisor I ended up deleting his number (all traces and backups) so I cant contact him after hours worker doesnt know yet and if I can still work with him I will refuse to have it as this week I feel I lost sight of the boundary with the hospital.