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Coming to terms with reality

Coming to terms with reality

Hi Readers, i am suffering from "mental health issues" and it is an ongoing, daily battle. I am pretty much constantly wrestling with the thoughts going on in my mind. And my psychical life seems too be suffering for it. (There is a huge difference between physical and mental ) something is definitely not right! So each day I'm waking up and going about my routine. And over the last few days, weeks and months. I have been noticing changes in my mentality toward myself, others and life. And some questions such as, what is my life about? And what should my objectives be? Have arisen... of course like we all are, I'm subject too making decisions... and there has been the same options in front of me time and time again for months on end. And it becomes rather draining and mundane. And i feel myself going around in circles like something simple just ain't connecting.

I enjoy writing, art, music. And peace of mind... walking, reading, meditation. Taking care of myself. Socialising. Etcetera. Getting ahead, getting in front. Planning, dreaming and so on. And do my best to look after myself. While accepting that it can only ever be so much.

But there just something not quite right. And I'm suffering for it on a daily basis. And I'm tired and fed up with going through the same stuff everyday. And in all honesty. Alot of my suffering comes from prospective and thought processes.

Does anyone wanna talk with me about some things that might help? In particular dealing with people no matter who they are. Can be very stressful and cause lots of procrastinating about pros and cons. In particularly people who i think about reaching out to for support. Because of dilemmas dramas and social dynamics. And picking up on things that "aint really happening" "gut feelings type of stuff " "intuition" that type of thing. And enjoying time with people is great! I just tend to be overly preoccupied with symptoms to be worried about socialising sometimes "Symptoms which involves others"

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In response to: Coming to terms with reality

Re: Sharing the wisdom within

Yea I get how that anxiety can increase in such a setting @eudemonism I don't do well where there is a lot of noise or a lot of people - quieter places are certainly better for me.

In response to: Re: Sharing the wisdom within

Re: Sharing the wisdom within

Yea I've always been like that @Zoe7 and being in those situations doesn't do me any good. And also switch it around... I'm comfortable where others are not...

In response to: Re: Sharing the wisdom within

Re: Sharing the wisdom within

I am most comfortable on my own with my fur babies @eudemonism I find social interactions of any form difficult. Even when I go out with my family I drive myself so I can leave if needed. I am a bit concerned how I am going to cope when I return to work - I know the noise in a classroom is very different to the noise in a crowded place but it does still concern me.

In response to: Re: Sharing the wisdom within

Re: Sharing the wisdom within

Yea @Zoe7 what do you think it will be like? How do you think you will handle it?

In response to: Re: Sharing the wisdom within

Re: Sharing the wisdom within

To be honest I am not sure how I will handle it @eudemonism That is why we are beginning with 2 half days so I am re-introduced to the job again gradually. After a couple of weeks we will reasses how I am going and hopefully increase those 2 half days to 2 full days. My GP has to sign off on that so I will continue to see her weekly. She is pretty good at knowing how I am travelling but will also be guided by how I am feeling.

In response to: Re: Sharing the wisdom within

Re: Sharing the wisdom within

@Zoe7 well at least you're giving it a go. I couldn't handle a couple of hours of working... in any circumstances...

In response to: Re: Sharing the wisdom within

Re: Sharing the wisdom within

In the early days of my condition. I would have high hopes of getting back into work. I'm pep talk myself. I'd amp myself up. I'd talk as if it was going to happen. I'd prepare myself. I'd say i could do it i would put the ground work in. I would put the word out. And i would go through with everything apart from rocking up on the first day and following through with the work.
Every job I've ever had, has ended miserably, and every job i had was never the same as working before my condition worsened. So these days, i don't even bother thinking about working. @Zoe7

In response to: Re: Sharing the wisdom within

Re: Sharing the wisdom within

It has been a long road to even get to this stage @eudemonism and I really won't know how it will all go until it begins. I do feel more confident that I can handle it now than I have done and think the tiredness will be my biggest hurdle. I don't do well well I am tired so that will be a challenge.

In response to: Re: Sharing the wisdom within

Re: Sharing the wisdom within

Sometimes just getting through each day is work enough @eudemonism What has really pushed me to get back has been finances just as much as missing the work. But I am hoping once I get back into it I will find the passion I once had for the job.

In response to: Re: Sharing the wisdom within

Re: Sharing the wisdom within

Yea... @Zoe7 with myself half the problem is being on heavy medication... It's not my will to work or my ability and confidence to work (That's not the problem)... It's dealing with side effects of medicine, and the monotony of being caught up in the system... It's basically a trap that is very hard to escape... they're hell bent on seeing me through the magnifying glass which makes me nothing else but mentally ill and disabled...

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