Coming to terms with reality

oh yes @eudemonism

the world is full of problem solvers....laugh

as I wrote this I thought to myself...Eude has probably thought that I have been one of the very same..

I promise not to come across that way anymore...

I have had 3 full days out in the city ...an hours drive each way...as well as standing and walking whilst there...

I am extremely exhausted...

Sun was out this morning and then rain...

tomorrow is another day...

@Sophia1Yes, best rest up and revive yourself... I've been a little out of wack recently... Running low on meds at end of period and getting the top up needle - it's a very provoking and triggering ordeal... - not real pleasant to go through...

I've heard noises on the roof in the last few nights, it's made me a little afraid... Because awhile back there was a huge ruckus in the early am hours which my neighbours caused and I got caught in the cross fire - it spooked me big time!... Now I'm a little sensitive to noises around the place - it triggers the para reaction.

I'm glad to hear about the good news with your tests. Very happy and relieved to hear about the good news. As I'm sure you are too? A new chapter... A new horizon... A new day... Good things on the way.

And @Former-Member sorry for putting all that stuff on your thread... I been up and down like a yo yo lately...

Eude 😊❤:syringe:📺🐶🐱

Hello @eudemonism

Thank you your king, caring response....your words were beautiful...

noises on the roof during the night are disturbing...possibly rats or possums...both renowned from climbing onto roofs at night as well as being noisy... strong winds can drag branches across making scraping sounds...

do you have a mainenance person where you live who might be able to take a look?

@Sophia1

I think it's just the cat... However it does make my hairs stand up... Especially when up early in the morning and alone...

Im seriously wondering what the world and life in Australia is coming to hey... Do you ever think along these lines?

My mind has been playing games and tricks on me, as it pretty much always does...

I'm feeling very fragile against the elements... - the outside world... It's all basically out of my control...

Then there is the 'unknown' that can tell a very nasty, ugly, sinister, vengeful and horrific story -It can be very scary. Then there is the 'unknown' that can tell a very peaceful, surreal, blissful, uplifting and empowering story. - which is very protective. I think I go to these places when reality gets to hard to deal with. I suppose there is triggers that set off positive stuff, and also triggers for the negative stuff. But unfortunately, reality is always waiting for me to return, and to remind me about life.

😊❤

Eude

hello @eudemonism

I did not receive a notification on the bell thingy that you had tagged me...seems to happen randomly..

When our mind starts going back over negative stuff and we hear the old patterned thinking that just lowers our self-esteem..

it is hard if we are already depressed ...fighting off depression...distressed....anxious to get out of the negative mindset...

then as you say we remember positive phrases and try to repeat those to ourselves in the hope that they will cancel out the negative messages...

some days it just goes on and on...we need a break from our mind...a break from ourselves..

that is when I look to nature....birds....animals...trees...plants....sounds...sights...smells..

I realise that the intensity of yours is different to mine...if you can get a break once every now and again by practising noticing what is around you ....that is something...

I hope that you have a more peaceful night tonight...

Hello @eudemonism

When I was younger I did not understand the difference between being alone and feeling lonely...

I have been saving some interesting quotes ...

Let me know if you would like to read any...

or perhaps that sort of thing is not you...

Sometimes when my negative past thinking is in the way of me getting out of the house....I do some meditation...look through my quotes....go outside and notice nature...breathe it all in...

sometimes this works...sometimes it doesn't...

on the days that it doesn't I know that I have to be kinder to myself and just breathe...remember something that I enjoy doing....stay inside and push myself to do that...for me listening to music and dancing on my own......attempting to sketch..

cooking...reading...used to be gardening..

The other way of looking at it is.. you are recognising how much time that you have spent on your own...this is positive...your mind and your heart are telling you that you can step outside and not feel lonely in the world...even if you are on your own...

@Sophia1I'd like to hear some of your quotes. One I told myself yesterday... 'the super ego thinks it can go it alone, while the sinful ego knows it cannot' sorry being alone and loneliness is a touch subject. - I started feeling defensive when I first read your reply.

I understand what you say about there being a difference between being alone and being lonely. - there's also being around good company and being around bad company. But there's a few factors I don't think you've considered... I believe we all need a certain amount of socialising everyday... And it's easy for someone who has there social needs met to start talking about how easy it is to be alone lol.

I sense that these people who are currently in my life. Were wanting me to be there for them - which we both got something out of. And were getting something out of being there for me - again win win situation. (still hard work) So I just accepted it instead of fighting against it and pushing them away because of the problems that come with dealing with them. I'm learning that boundaries working for both people.

--Another matter now. How ineffective are the control measures on tobacco? Totally didn't work. Total money making scheme for the government. - one branch of the government is feeding me with pharmaceutical drugs, which make me smoke like a train! - literally... and come with side effects which are worse then the reason the drugs rate being administered in the first place. And then another branch of the government is controlling the tobacco through ridiculous taxes. I seriously don't understand how it works. I seriously can't get my head around it. And now there's talk about controlling food as well...

Eude 🐱🐶❤👨

Anyway @Sophia1 I hope you've had a reasonable day. I hope things continue getting better for you. Be sure to share any positives you can think of. All for now Eude.

Hello @eudemonism

A quick reply as I am off to bed soon..

silly me overdid it in the pool again today...only got there once last week so should have taken it more easily...

Sorry for triggering your feelings...

I think that we are at crossed purposes if that is the right way of saying it...

I am not referring to socialising...you are spot on ...yes we do need to socialise...I certainly do...I have isolated myself for far too long...lost years...

I realise now that you also don't know that when I left my husband...father of my two sons...I was not living with another man for eleven years...My husband and I had shared custody of sons...his wish so that he would not have to pay maintenance...So I was on my own again from an adult point of view...independent...working...supporting sons...involved in their sports...friends...etc...So I learnt again about the difference to feeling alone and being lonely...I learnt to like being in my own company ...meaning alone with myself therefore alone....as for feeling lonely I had friends who yes I socialised with ...that is the difference that I meant...

I agree we all need socialising of some degree...

off to bed now am very tired...