Coming to terms with reality

@Appleblossom

I suppose most people are rather cliquey, clingy and clueless...

My summary of today's events 'preach, praise, prayer, repent, resent, rebuke and reprove'

@Sophia1 have a read...

lol ..Word play can be great. @eudemonism Can stop us from getting stuck in an obssessive loop, work through a theme, then move on with small subtle shifts.

I have never really seen myself as a people person. Just having a go.

hello @eudemonism

It sounds as though things are tough for you today..

sorry that I could not reply earlier..

If you are still struggling can you ring a helpline...men's helpline or lifeline

or do you have a mental health team contact ?

I can respond but not advise you medically...

I am here to listen as I have always said.

when the thoughts race all over the place...try not to lose yourself in them....

definitely do not overthink the patterns....voices...messages...

thinking about strategies only works when our mind is more settled..

you are still doing well

hope that you get some rest tonight..

talk soon

sophia

@Sophia1 @Appleblossom

I've just realized... That every morning I've been waking up with a great deal of resentment for society. Because I feel that society has caused has caused my suffering. It's not something I concocted out of thin air... I didn't just wake up one day and decide to resent society. I genuinely think it is justified. And I genuinely think society should do something about it. But yea, there's been genuine resent inside of me for society for a very long time now. My suffering is not about to go away. And my suffering is caused bye?.. You know what I mean?..

Eude

@Sophia1

But yeah, I been genuinely carrying around so much resentment for society. Because of everything I've ever perceived as wrong happening to me. I believe it is too blame for my suffering. Even stuff that society has done to try and help me, I still consider as wrong, and as a cause of my suffering.

Eude

Oh well.. It is what it is...

Good morning @eudemonism

You had a rough day yesterday....

resentment thoughts have followed....resentment against society...possibly society representing the people involved at the time of your first living where you are now...the ongoing liaising with workers there of various professions?

a doctor and a psychiatrist involved with your depot injection...

I can well imagine your feeling angry with them .....

These are the very feelings that are best discussed with a professional...as in a psychiatrist or psychologist...

working through anger..fear...guilt...disappointment...anxiety...helplessness....finally resentment...

I believe resentment comes when it all becomes too hard...when we have not fully worked through at least some of the above feelings...

We probably never will work through all of them...we will not be the person we dream of...

We do have a chance of being who we really are though...if we do not give up on ourselves...give in to the resentment...

resentment is a most unhealthy...unwelcome feeling to have...we are actually doing ourselves more harm giving in to this horrid emotion..

I too am dealing with a huge battle against allowing this emotion to overtake my self..

It is so easy to slip into this mode when feeling tired of grappling with grief..

the all encompassing...overpowering grief....

So I look under the microscope at what I have managed to achieve.... whilst living with my own grief...

I have pulled myself through too many traumas now to allow this physical restriction to get the better of me....

I have not lost myself...I have just temporarily lost sight of who I am...

This is true for you too Eude..

You do not have to be the hamster in the ever turning wheel....

You have pulled yourself through too many traumas also....

When your mind will allow you to....even if you have to tell it to get lost for a while....remind yourself of your home that you have made yours....Mister...whom you have cared for..bonded with...Purrpurr...now microchipped...

Your writing....your music...your guitar...get that out and just strum it over and over...letting that music soak into your soul...your harmonica...again another sound that can reach so deep within...tug at your heart strings...

So yes it is what it is...however..it is not going to stay that way...because that is not the true Eude....the true Eude is waiting there for you to get back in touch with...to enjoy the beautiful moments of nature....the loyalty and love of your pets...even socialising with some of your neighbours within reason...respecting your personal space and your home...

searching for new opportunities to share the love and beautiful compassion that is apart of you...

keep on writing...

Sophia

@eudemonism So you see @Sophia1 and I have very different responses and points of view. She moved more into a concerned something is wrong approach, where I was trying to normalise and keep it light. I hope you are both alright.

Resentment is a strange thing. I was accused of having it before I even knew about it in my late 20s. Now I think that person could see I had a hard life and did not want to bothered to separate out the different feelings or experiences. I was raised with a lot of resentment around me, a lot of people throwing their anger around etc, but not really in my family. There it was much more quiet and introverted but now I can see they had resent too. But I was not mean and had a silly naive idealism, which persists to this day. Both my parents had diagnoses of Schizophenia but were very different people so the one word does not mean exactly the same thing for everyone.

Society is also a strange thing, especially if we think of it as one monolithic block. For a while I talked about classes, almost everyone was richer than us. but I never really fitted into any. Tho dad was into the ALP he died when I was too young to feel part of a working class and my mother stubbornly wanted to pretend she was upper middleclass. These days I find it best to take individuals as individuals and make fewer generalisations, but they do slip into my thinking, tho I think that is true for most people.

I am glad I live in society which has reasonable social services .. tho things can always get better.

I hope your working out what to do with your resentment, Eude, as now I am old enough to know, it can feel b&*&dy awful, scuse the French.

Hello @Appleblossom

Quote: So you see @Sophia1 and I have very different responses and points of view. She moved more into a concerned something is wrong approach, where I was trying to normalise and keep it light. I hope you are both alright.

I am going to explain myself further here.....

I do not want you to misunderstand my intent...especially @eudemonism

my words are not from a concerned something is wrong approach

they are from a feeling of your pain and struggle in as much as anyone else possibly can...as they are your feelings Eude...

Yes I note that you write in a less formal..lighter way which I think is great...perhaps that is a glimpse into who you are too appleblossom..

It is great to have varying forms of responses...as these represent the truth ...the real world....

So I do not see it as different points of view....different approaches with the same intent...

Glad you rewrote what I said. @Sophia1 I was just putting something out, grappling with situation, but your words come closer to the truth.

I have very formal aspects too.. lol

I have found that when I think of people as clueless when I am in a good mood I am much kinder. All people struggle with inner contradictions and so how that shapes usually is different for everyone.

Hope you are not too bad atm Eude @eudemonism