JannaSenior Contributor
A Complicated Story
I am the mother of a beautiful 16 year old boy that is struggling with mental illness. He has been diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder (current episode severe) and Social Anxiety Disorder.
The back story to this current situation may help people understand the situation a little better. I was married to a man that was a highly abusive individual for over 25 years. Unfortunately I didn't recognise his high level abuse as being abusive until I had my lightbulb moment approximately 3-4 years ago. I have two children - a girl 21 and a son 16. We have all suffered tremendous emotional/psychological/verbal abuse for many years and have recently left (about 7 weeks ago).
Both my children were victims (as was I) of extreme psychological and emotional abuse which took the form of extreme manipulation and control. It was devisive, destructive, crazy-making and led to severe family dysfunctions. My daughter was the "golden child" who got everything and could do nothing wrong, whilst my son was fundamentally ignored in many ways, but also controlled in every way. Needless to say, both children have grown up with a lack of selfesteem and self-confidence and anxiety issues.
When the kids became adolescents, they began rebelling. This led to an increase in the abuse and their father attempted to maintain his domination and control over them. When my son was 12-13 he began actively defying his father's orders and began vocalising opposing opinions. He began acting out in an angry physical way and yelling and screaming. This resulted in a further escalation in his father's abuse towards him and eventually led to a complete disintergration of a the relationship that they had.
My son clearly did not know how to handle this emotionally and began exhibiting behaviour that was oppositional in defiance of his father. Very odd behaviour began happening - he appeared to be doing the exact opposite of all the things his father used to pick on.
Both he and Ientered into therapy with a psychologist at this time. Unfortunately things for him continued to get worse. He developed depression and a hypersomnia associated with this that saw him uable to wake up in the morning and sleep for hours (16 hours) at a time. This led to him missing an enormous amount of school.
By this point his father had dropped him like a hot rock and had handed the reigns over to me, claiming that it was my bad parenting and influence that had caused this entire situation. By this stage I had a psychiatrist, psychologists, the school counsellor and a DV caseworker involved in the situation for my son and myself.
Things progressively got worse and my son continued to suffer from a very debilitating depression. He was placed on medication with questionable effects. Meanwhile the home situation also became much worse and led to police involvement. The first call to Police was actually initiated by my husband following a verbal alterction with my son. He claimed that he had threatened his physical safety and called the police on his then 14 year old son. From that time until shortly before we left 7 weeks ago, we have had approx. 8 police interventions, an AVO, an arrest for a breach of AVO, court appearances, good behaviour bonds, etc. Home was like living in hell.
My son disengaged from his father during this time and navigated his life around him. That led to him isolating himself in his room when Dad was around, not engaging in any family events and not communicating with him. His depression worsened despite all the external therapy and help.
At my son's request we have changed schools 3 times in 3 years because of the fear of judgment that he perceives exists in relation to his extended absences and depression.
His primary symptom is hypersomnia and this became so concerning that his psychiatrist ordered an EEG to check for any underlying organic brain problems. The first came back with some slight abnormalities and he then had a sleep deprived EEG conducted which was normal.
As a result of his worsening depression (which included some self-harm) and his inability to engage in life in any meaningful way, he was voluntarily admitted to a young person's mental health unit in June and was an inpatient there for 1 month. During this time he appeared to improve. They were able to get him into a healthy sleep/wake cycle and a routine which was healthy. I moved myself and daughter out of the family home while he was an inpatient and he was discharged into my care. He is now fully estranged from his father by choice.
Upon my son's request he wanted to change schools again and "start afresh". I battled with the education dept. to get him into a local public school. The school has been tremendously supportive in assisting his transition back to school. He is repeating a year as a result of his absences, but he is happy with this.
Tuesday week ago was the start of Term 3 for school and he attended the first day with enthusiasm. On day 2 they had sport and it knocked him out completely, to the point where he was so physically exhausted he did not attend school on the following day and slept until 1pm. He attended on the Friday. This week was a new week and despite having good intentions his hypersomnia has kicked in again and he has been unable to wake up in the mornings to get to school.
The "sleepy part" of him is very extreme. Nothing I do to wake him has any effect and it presents as if he is almost unconscious. It's really distressing for me to encounter this every morning and I'm it is stressing me out big time. His psychologist is aware of this and has watched videos that I have recorded and seems to think that it is an extreme form of dissociation. I tend to agree with her, but that doesn't make managing this any easier. My son is unable to articulate what's happening for him and can't explain why he can't wake up.
I have tried absolutely everything I can to help him. I extend myself in every way to accomodate and support him. I go to bed each night hoping and praying that tomorrow will bring an end to his suffering and this nightmare, but it's not happening. I spend each morning dedicated to trying to wake him up. I'm fortunate to have a part-time job that can accomodate this, but know that I could not work in a full-time capacity elsewhere whilst caring for him. In that regard my life is restricted by him on a grand scale. Days are comprised of attempting to help him, and countless phone calls to the school, school counsellor, psychologist, etc. I feel powerless in being able to help him out of whatever the hell he's in and am finding the whole situation very distressing.
There are times (windows) in which I see the real him peaking through. He has moments (such as last Thursday evening when we attended a school info night) in which he is positive, talkative, humourous, vibrant, etc..... but it doesn't last. I mistakingly thought that by removing him from the "unsafe" domestic environment that we were in, coupled with his inpatient treatment, coupled with commencing fresh at a new school, etc. would have yielded more positive outcomes. I was wrong. To say I'm stressed would be an understatment. I really don't know what more I can do and neither do I know how to handle what I have.
I'm sorry for this lengthy post and hope that I can connect with other individuals who are also impacted by mental health issues afflicting those that we love.
Thanks for reading ... if you've got this far.
Janna
