Talking about not talking

Hi @TheVorticon, It sucks that you don't feel like you can talk about what's going on for you. I hear you when you say that taking a risk and finding the conversation unhelpful is not the worst thing that can happen. I know the phrase "what's the worst that can happen" is often used to challenge catastrophic thinking. However, sometimes the worst really is super bad. Therapist-take-eleven used that phrase when I initially spoke to her on the phone and I was trying to decide whether to make an appointment. She asked me what the worst was that could happen and I told her "well you could further traumatize me and I will be left looking for therapist-take-twelve in an even more traumatized state than I am right now." And as it turned out the worst did happen. Indeed, I could never have envisaged how bad that worst could be!!!! So yeah, I'm not a fan of that phrase.

It must feel super isolating not being able to express what's going on for you. I know some people find it helpful to express themselves through art or some other creative outlet. Personally I am very much a words person and I can write prolifically. However, there seem to be quite a few people around here who express themselves more through art and mediums like that.

Anyway, I really just wanted to let you know that I agreed with what you said about how trying something and finding it unhelpful is not the worst thing that can happen.

Thanks for sharing that and letting me know that you have similar thoughts about that @Phoenix_Rising.

I had to do a thing today. It was something that would usually be a good thing, but in my unique way I managed to make it turn out not so great and as something I'm rather disappointed with.

My parents knew about the thing and have been calling to ask how it went, likely expecting a level of happy enthusiasm. I've been ignoring their calls because I don't know how to fake "yeah it was great" and if they ask about a specific part of the thing then the answer is disappointing.

I have to call them tonight but don't want to put my game face on to do it.

Thanks @CheerBear. It went ok. They asked about one of the particular things but not the other more-disappointing thing. So wasn't too bad.

I still feel like a useless failure compared to what I should be. I try not to be.

I would like to respond in fact tried twice

guess what

I failed twice

judgement coming from myself

I am not feeling too bright at the moment and feel that whatever I say will just be misunderstood...so better I just tell you that I am not talking at the moment

we are so hard on ourselves

That's ok that you haven't been able to reply @Former-Member. Thanks for letting me know. I understand the expectation of being misunderstood and how that makes it all the more difficult to try. No need to pass negative judgement on yourself over "not talking " here. It's all g.

Thank you @TheVorticon

didn't mean to come across as so gloomy

am feeling that dreaded beginning of depression looming again so working very hard at not allowing it to take hold

hope that you have had some relief..some better moments

take care

Thanks @Former-Member. I hope you've been able to keep the depression off your back last nigth and today.

Thank you for your support @TheVorticon

yes I find by acknowledging it's presence in the background I am able to keep it at bay so far

I talked through my feelings with my psychiatrist which was helpful

there is stuff that I can't change ...I can work on how I deal with things though

and this is today

wishing you an easier road to travel also