Hi, I realise I am replying to an old post but I would like to share how effective putting good boundaries in place is when you are dealing with aggression, anger or any other form of control.
And most of those behaviours are controlling behaviours! I did need to eventually leave that partner as there had been too much emotional damage done by the time I found out what boundaries were and how to use them, but I moved on to a very good relationship with solid boundaries in place and we have now been happily married for over 12 years.
There is a book called 'Boundaries - When to say Yes, When to say No, How to take Control' It is by a couple of Psychologists and is sooooooo good. I encourage everyone I meet to have a read and use healthy boundaries in their lives!
Healthy boundaries gives you back the control in your life as you get to say what you will and will not accept and what you are prepared to do if the boundary is crossed.
Here is an example of a boundary:
A: "When you yell at me I feel intimidated and scared. I would like to continue our discussion but I will leave the room if you continue to yell at me".
B: has two choices at this stage, they can either calm down and speak to A in a normal tone of voice or continue to yell.
If B calms down and speaks normally, A can continue the discussion. If B continues to yell, A must action the boundary and get up and leave the room perhaps saying something like this: A: "I am going to leave the room now. I am happy to continue the discussion when you can speak to me without yelling".
Start with something little and persist with setting healthy boundaries even if you are not strong enough to keep it in place at first. You will get stronger with it and better at it as you practice it more and more.
hugs
Abiel (((())))
