Living with a husband who is passive aggressive.

Hi @Samara

Dealing with passive aggression can be difficult because it can be hard to pin point. Passive aggressive people can claim that they are not mad, but their bahviour suggests otherwise. Like they may give you the silent treatment, which can make things tense and is still a form of conflict.

There's this good resource about how to approach people who are passive aggressive. It's for the workplace but it still has some good points in it and some link to resources.

Does anyone else have any other advice?

CB

Hi @Samara

i can hear how difficult this is for you and how strong you have been, I am just wondering if this is your husbands usual communication style or if there may be something underlying it ie depression or fear of something...?

its not exactly the same but there were a number of great responses on the 'how to handle threats and bullying' that relate to PA as they speak about how to sert boundaries and communicate ie @Appleblossomand @ivana spoke about the intention behind what a person is saying and @Alessandra1992had some ideas about workshops...

does anyone else have experience or ideas on how to communicate more effectively...?”

My husband was also passive aggressive. For a long time I thought we were doing ok but whenever his friends or family were around I would often feel slugged from out of nowhere by some barbed comment. I was not quick with verbal rebuttal .. I am working on it.. in writing first.

Try to catch it before it gets to you and damages your relationship too much. Establish whether he has capacity to form enuine intimate relationship.

My exhusband used the analogy that it is easier to extinguish a frog if you turn up the heat slowly. That is "If you drop a frog into boiling water it will just jump out, but if you turn up the heat gradually it will not realise there is a threat and be too sluggish and slow by the time it becomes obvious. Thats what he did to me. He was not really a nice man.

Thank you for reply. I have figured out that this behaviour is coming from anger. I really don't care why he is behaving like a child, but this pa behaviour is acting like a child. I used to try and fix whatever it is that is upsetting him, but I am done playing games. If he wants to keep his marriage he is going to have to change his ways. He isn't always a jerk so I know he is capable of acting like an adult. I'm not his mother so it isn't my place to try and "grow him up". At his age he is either going to stop acting like a jerk or lose his wife. Life is too short to put up with this bs. I am a firm believer that your supposed to love and cherish the people in your life or risk losing them. You can't pick your family, but you can pick your friends and lovers.

Thank you also for responding to my post. I commented on the post above on how I feel about my situation. I know he is capable of acting like an adult. I am not going to let him drag me down. I love him, but life is too short. If he doesn't know what he has with me then he doesn't deserve to have me. I have suffered enough abuse in my life. Its time for me to be happy and be loved.

I dont know how long the situation has been going on .. it does make a difference .. and if there is effort applied.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

I am not sure what to make of of it when it comes to mysogyny issues. I doubt either of us are stupid though we may have tolerated a toxic marriage. I have left it at: "its better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all." I dont believe it is a pride or intelligence thing.

It sounds like youve made a sense of a really difficult situation, has anyone else had that experience?

@Appleblossom, I was referring to the behaviour as "stupid". I don't think we are. I apologise if you took that wrong.