i havent seen that thread @Former-Member ive mainly been sticking to a few main ones as like you too many becomes overwhelming. but im here for you, whenever you need or want. i chill in the nest abit too.
are you refferring to your anxiety that you need some help with? or getting what happened today out? or both?
yes, my last psychology session, my psychologist helped me in a way realise i was a mistake. i shouldnt have been brought into this world and i wasnt wanted right from birth. she blames me and takes everything out on me becasue i pretty much destroyed her world. ive been suicidal ever since then and it jsut keeps getting worse and worse the more i thought about it and realsied how right it was but i didnt know how to handle it. and the suicidal thoughts just kept gettting stronger and i was at the point i didnt care what happened to me, i wasnt scared at all if i was to die. i had to quickly pull myself up and try and bring myself out of that as htat was the point i was in before i went into hospital.
so since today, a 3 hour therapy session later mind you, she helped me work out the reason i am the way that i am and it stem right back to my childhood, before i could even remember. the reason my BPD come around. it all came down to no nutruring and being taught to be quiet and that i was once of those attention seekers so i became a quiet child and only crying before i could talk for the basics like hunger. other than that i was very quiet and wouldnt express anthing.
the new directions now is to help get myself ready for a full week of responsibilities, that being my mum and her bf are going away for a week leaving me in control of the kids but i study and still ahve to uphold 2 jobs. so shes giving me heaps of support around that. and the second one is to get my mother being a mum rather than me doing it and being the mum dad sister brother and everything else to my sisters. i just want to be a sister. and we arent working on trauma jsut yet not until im more stable
