BPD

@outlander it's such a frustrating thing to try and get with. It takes sooooo much time and effort, dedication and patience but goddam it's beneficial when you start to accumulate the benefits. I guess you can argue about how committed you are to getting better (and that in itself is a highly subjective and debatable concept) but if you can spend like 20 minutes a day trying to get it right, the pay-offs can be big. It is really hard though. When my mind is racing and my adrenal gland is working at 200% the last thing I want to do is try and wrestle with my consciousness to settle itself down. But, like any difficult task, it's a matter of repeated exposure and taking in new skills to your benefit. Not saying it works for EVERYONE but I was always a skeptic and now I need it.

Hi @outlander - it was a pretty big day yesterday for you with the diagnosis you were given. Don't let them define you though. You are still the same person you were the day before. In saying that, it may assist you to understand more about how you act and hopefully help you to manage the behaviours that are detrimental to good mental health.

The ways you have been thinking have been longstanding and anything that we have done for a while is difficult to change. Right now, you are fighting doing something different. That's where mindfulness comes in. It helps you to analyse what is really going rather than what your head is trying to make you believe. BPD is characterised by a hypersensitivity. For example if someone walks past you and doesn't say hello, your BPD mind may think they are ignoring you and make you feel rejected and worthless whereas they may simply have not seen you or been so preoccupied with their thoughts that they hadn't noticed you were there.

Whilst you are waiting for treatment options to become available, do some research into ways you can help yourself. You need to really want to manage these behaviours. It's sometimes easy to wallow in a dark place thinking the worst - that way we don't get too disappointed when things don't turn out how we would like them to be. It's a good thing to hope for contentment and to get to a happy place.

For a start, I'd to see you write a gratitude journal like @Determined has done. It's so easy to forget that there are some good things in our lives and instead just focus on the misery. Please try it.

Hi @outlander

Can I second @souls suggestion and encourage you to start a gratitude journal or whatever you want to call it. Mind has been s bit hit and miss as Journaling is not one of my strengths and I do fail to see the positives when I feel like I am always 'putting out fires' . I can say though that Focussing on the positives (that should link to my thread for you) has been a big help for me when I am able to follow through.

I don't always write them down but I do try and make a consious effort to find these things and it does help. The thread for md was an acountability measure so I could keep track of my progress but also a way of looking back at all the good things in the life of our family.

I just want to point out I dont have bpd so dont pretend to know how you feel but I support my wife who does and see her pain so have empathy for you.

Please take care, thinking of you

@patrickT

ive been trying to do it but I get so bored doing it. Ive tried several ways including:
listening to music and focusing on just the music or focussing on just the words
using the 5 senses and naming and desrcribing what I see, hear smell etc
finding how many objects are a certain colour
going into nature and taking in the sights, smells etc

@soul
yes it was quite big but after I did some research onto it I hadnt reall looked into it nor nw muhc about it myself- only through relaible resources and websites of ourse.
It did help me understand why I am the way I am.
Why it is that my emotions go to one extreme to the next and I get so overwhelmed to the point of SH. The reason why any tiny little little things set off the biggest emotion.

You know what it actually explains why I had thoughts and emotions about certain things even on here. I know people arent ignoring me and whatever they say they mean well. Sometimes things get lost in notifications. Myself included have forgetten thread- well not forgotten but the notifications haven gotten lost or too mnay threads are overwhelming.
Ive learnt to control that abit more now.

I want to change Soul, I do but nothing was really helping me except my artwork which is why in hospital I was drawing constantly.

Actually for a day or two while in hospital I realised I was pretty much dissociated the whole time. Id snap out of it with a nurse trying to talk to me or id realise id start to watcha a movie and the next thing I knew Id hear the end sound credits and realised id missed the entire movie. Or I was drawing but had no idea what I was drawing.

@Determined@soul
how does the gratitude hournal work. I know what it is but am I suppose to write something everyday? Or just when I think something positive happens

Hi @outlander
How does the gratitude journal work?
When I started my focusing on the positives thread as a gratitude journal I made a commitment to find at least 1 positive thing that has happened and at least 1 thing to be grateful for each day and post it here. And if I can manage it, at least 1 thing that has made me laugh.
Posting on the thread was a a means of accountability to help me follow through but also to be able to look back at the good things that are happening because it is easy to forget.

Just noticed a typo... (I) made a commitment 🙂

thanks @Determined i get it better now thanks

omg i have to tell my mother about this diagnosis! shes not going to believe me!
she never does, they will only beleive me if my new psych says that i do. but my psych wont speak unless i say so but i dont her to speak to mum.

why wont she beleive me! arent that what mothers suppsoe to do?

how do i bring this up or tell her without causing all that trouble again?

@Determined@soul@patrickT@Sans911@BlueBay