**Trigger warning** Stuck in world of sadness and Suicidal Ideation

@Sans911 I super hope you find your hospital stay helpful. I am extremely selective about whose pocket / handbag I travel in and you are not on my list (that would be my list of two people! ). However, here is a picture of me to take with you into hospital. Maybe you could save it somewhere and if you are struggling with super giant feelings, it might help a tinsy tiny bit. You can do this @Sans911, you've got this.

@Phoenix_Risinghad that been anyone else said what you just said to me, I could have been deeply offended and hurt. But I totally understand so I am not. But the image is pretty cool, and the saying even better,so thank you.

I am not sure what I have done right in the last few days, but the hospital admission is now off. For that, I am breathing out a big sigh of relief, and for now, can stay partly hiding away until I feel safer about coming out. I am still going to the respite centre later this week, and I will try to stay there until the ground feels a little more stable under my feet.

@outlander@Former-Member@Faith-and-Hope@Former-Member

@Sans911I guess only you know if that is a positive or a negative but if you are breathing a big sigh of relief than I guess it is a good decision. Happy you are still going to the respite centre however

I will still hide in the wombat hole with you however, it is nice and safe in there

@outlandersis of course you can, you don't even have to ask

Hi everyone,be back on tonight, trying to do a bit of garden ,too tired for walking.Just reading post having a breakI'm in your pocket too @Sans911,cannot make judgements on this site ,whilst I have no faith in the "help"process,I respect and acknowledge everyone has at the end of the day do what they think is best for them.We all cope in different ways ,mine was going to bed for a year with depression and storms to feel safe and now Forest Frump with anxiety with continuous need for iron infusions and to go walkabout!lol😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

@outlander,**** you are a mess!lol😘

@Former-Member@outlanderI was prepared to go to hospital for my safety, as that was the primary concern. But, like for many of us, it is fraught with potentially invalidating health professional, increased anxiety of being monitored and almost locked up, and potentially triggering situations from staff and/or patients. Also, since talking to this other counseller yesterday, I am already feeling my risk has decreased somewhat. I still find it hard to be alive, very hard, and I still feel really uncertain about what tommorow will bring, let alone a month and longer. Yet, despite all my attempts to not be around, I still am. So, idk, maybe there is something for me, maybe not. I do know, that I have had to fight really hard for most things in my life, so I guess this is just a longer, more drawn out fight. Maybe it's not time to throw in the towel. Maybe I just need to keep pushing on.