**Trigger warning** Stuck in world of sadness and Suicidal Ideation

I posted this morning @Sans911,when I was waiting for my mother in a appointment so I may had missed about the nurse coming to talk to you,at least that showed she was willing to listen and reflect hopefully on what she could do better,not many do that.

Its hard to trust or interact with what we go through,I was shopping with my mother,a neighbour talked to my mother and snobbed me,just looked at me like I was nothing but a bludger and can tell the gossip line is alive and well .It does affect you but I know if that's the case they are pathetic and not worth knowing.Walked past another bloke I used to work with because I don't want to talk.

I know I'm feeding my probs,but I cant confront them either without a great deal of trauma.My mother was raving on about the 14 yr old that SC last week and how alone she must've felt.....I thought you just don't understand what I suffer.

@Former-Memberbig hugs. Seems like you are having such a hard time trying to deal with your mum plus everything else. It is definitely not easy and it sounds like you are doing such a good job looking after your mum. You are a good, caring, loving person, you are not a shell at all.

your cat sounds strange but amusing to watch @Former-Member kinda like a child.

your having a rough time of it, please remember carers australia is there too. ive heard that in most cases they offer some sort of respite for the carer as well. im not sure on the details of that though

here for you

Hi @Former-Member 🙂 and of course @Sans911, @Former-Member, @outlander and @Shaz51!

Just wanted to stop by and let you know that we are here to support you through this year. It sounds like you've a lot going on in your life and it must be very physically and emotionally draining. You are right...that can sometimes make us feel like a shell of a person. Is there anything or anyone in your life that helps bring you back to having more of a sense of yourself? I hope you may have some things in your life that will put back some of those pieces that have been taken...or at least help.

Thanks @Former-Member,and everyone and yes we are all struggling.Going into my 6th yr of unemployment and also that long since succumbing to anxiety and depression in many many forms including psychosis.Hugh cost in my life, humiliation and shame that I can't look anyone in the eye for knowing I'm a failure and "less than"".My mother and I have had a long history,complex.I have got a lot of triggers ATM,my niece is getting married two weeks tomorrow,I'm not invited Mostly I'm worried because it will be another thing for gossip and speculation about me.I don't think I will have my mother through the year,I think there's a good chance she will need a nursing home especially if she falls and does damage.I have lived my life for everyone but me. The niece I helped raise with my mother for several years as a baby,my sister used us,got video tapes of her as a baby and Toddler her mother has never seen which shows how much I was with them.It does hurt how I have been treated and what to expect when my mother passes.I know I'm not strong ...and they know that....that's my worry.Have a lot of problems.Worry as well being homeless as no one wants to employ me as I can't handle human interaction and behaviour.Been in too much darkness.

@Sans911@@outlander, @Former-Member, @Shaz51 ,@Faith-and-Hope

sitting with you @Former-Member

Thanks @outlander💌, and @Faith-and-Hope💌think I will log off now, probably best if I log off,bit tired and thanks for hearing me.Talk tomorrow .