My two husbands

Hi everyone, first time poster looking for support and love in all the right places (I hope).

My husband and I have been together for 18 years. It has only just become blatantly apparent that he is suffering a mental illness. As I type, I wonder how it has been hidden from me for so long, he has always been hard to live with at times, and the sweetest man at others. We've had an on off relationship, as you do when you are young, but decided to get married and have kids. I assumed we'd grow up and get our shit together, especially as we approached our 40's. This just never happened. We are in debt and own nothing. And divorce is on the table.
6 weeks ago he came home one day, and in front of our children, told me he was leaving. He'd already taken his belongings to where he was staying-- there'd be no discussion. He told me he needed space and time to get better, understanding there was a problem but not knowing what it was. Over the course of 4 weeks there were a lot of ups and downs. I was always in the crosshairs for better or for worse, but I remained supportive and loving at all times. Eventually he came home, apologised for everything he had ever done to me, and was intent on working things out. Two weeks later (today) and I feel trapped on the roller coaster. I love my husband, but he's not treating me well, and the kids are seeing it all play out. One day he is loving and intent on making a better future, the next he is starting arguments so he can leave and saying nasty things so I react, which makes the leaving easier. Knowing what is happening doesn't make it any easier. He is undiagnosed manic-depressive (my opinion) and has refused meds or any medical intervention.

My advice to someone in my situation would be to leave. Find someone who will love you and treat you right. But this is the love of my life and the father of my children and that's so much harder to do than to say.

I'm looking for support so I can make it out with my sanity intact. Any advice or points in the right direction would more than appreciated ❤️