Love and lust

Hi @Ant7,

Thank you for sharing your thoughts with the forum. Hopefully sharing your thoughts allowed you an opportunity to think deeply and constructively about your concerns.

I wonder if any other forum members have had similar expereinces and are willing to share their thoughts?

I personally believe each relationship is diffferent and unique, and there are often multiple factors that could contribute to the issues you have discussed. Also, I believe most relationships do go through different phases of love, and if you and your wife find a way to move through this particular phase in a positive and mutually respectful way then your relationship may be stronger.

Have you had a chance to, or do you plan to, discuss your thoughts openly and honestly with your wife?

Hi @NotLabelDefined thank you for your kind words and you thoughts I appreciate it. I have spoken with her in the past but I find when we talk about anything thing that is conflicting I always feel like every thing is my fault at the end as I am not very good with conflict

Hi @Ant7,

I totally understand what your saying. Conflict can make things very awkward and confrontational. I understand why you might think your wife may find the topic a little confrontational, and also why it may be difficult to discuss.

However, I personally believe this topic does not need to be conflicting if approached with care and sincerity and discussed in a mutually safe and comfortable environment. You never know, your wife might have similar concerns to you and might genuinely appreciate a chance to discuss it. There is a good chance she has noticed what you have noticed 😉

By any chance are you doing abything romantic for your wife with not expecting sex? Or brining it up? Are you going out of her way to tell her she's beautiful daily? Complementing her in front of people? Taking her on date nights? Having dinner prepped? All ladies need this and to feel loved.

@CatMeowCarMeow I am not a very romantic person but I always tell her how pretty she is and how much I love her every day. I cook probably 3/4 of the time and do the cleaning up after and I try to spoil her when ever I can not sure if that's what you meant

@Ant7. Speak openly with your wife. No blame. No expectations - other than an honest conversation
If either of you are uncomfortable with this conversation - it might be good to get help from an organization like Relationship Australia - where you have a counselor to help facilitate the conversation.
My MI has zapped me of my sex drive. My desire or lack of desire is highly determined by my moods. I wonder if your mood and your wife's mood - dictate your desires.
So please, have an open, honest talk with her.

@utopia thanks for your advice. I think you may be right I know that both of us are having a tuff time at the moment and things just don't seem to get better it is bad news after worse at the moment. Every time I get past one thing another problem pops up I don't know where it will end. Sorry about the rant but it has been a particularly hard day thanks again I will try to talk to her 😀

@Ant7. That wasn't a big rant at all. And the Forum is a safe anonymous site to get things off your chest.
A generalisation. Some women just can't be 'in the mood' when they are stressed. Stress really does affect our labido.
So love or lust.
I think you answered it in your first post. You love your wife more now, than when you were first married. I'd say love wins over lust. You simply need to talk and ride out this difficult period.
And please, make sure you and your wife are talking about everything. As you say, there has been one thing after another.
I'm glad you have each other.

Thanks @utopia it has been a very hard year and a half and it just never seems to end. Last year I lost a close relative then I found out my best friend from school had brain cancer. We had to have both of our dogs put down at the end of the year within a couple of months of each other. From September on we have been getting hit with bill after bill witch has drained out savings and added to the stress. In January our oldest daughter who has severe anxiety and depression asked to go back and see her psychiatrist and we want to send her but we don't have the money. Then in March we have a house in Queensland that we couldn't sell when we moved and the tenants moved out it is still vacant and the tenants had over paid on rent so the real estate agent told us we owed them $3k and we have been playing two mortgage since then. In the last two months my sons computer witch he needs for TAFE died $600 the lounge broke $1500 then the dishwasher and the washing machine died in the same week $2k then my mate with brain cancer died my wife's computer that she needs for work died $800. After I got home from my mates funeral my mother rang me and asked if I could take my dad and her to hospital cause dad was unwell turns out he is in heart failure. Can't be fixed but they have it under control for the moment but he will die from it eventually. Then yesterday I got a letter from the ATO and I owe them $2k because our account didn't tick a box 3 years ago when they did our tax then my wife's sister rang and her dad had had some sort of issues he passed out and has twitching legs and arms but won't let anyone see him then my mum rang and told me my dad is going down hill again and asked if I could ring my brothers as she could not face it. I just wish it would all stop