Getting and staying well - get together

Good Morning @Former-Member

Yes I know that tunnel can be very long, and sometimes there's way too many lights out or the smog is far too toxic!

Feel for the sides with your hands, sometimes it's the only way to find direction.

Yay for sitting up and being dressed! 😄

Sending you a magic bubble of fresh air

Niqua

Hello @Former-Member 🙂

I have felt like I've been on a winning streak, but I think it might be almost struck - but I have taken a step forward while it was happening and still have a determination to keep up with dishes, even a plan to stay on top of washing {instead of putting dirty things into a dirty clothes basket - I'm putting them straight into the machine, so I can tell when it's full}

I do need to clip my little dog a bit, but the sun's not really playing my game {I'm on solar - or generator and I've been starting that thing every day for a while now . . . I'm running out of start, so I'm allowing myself to change my plan (I got that from you Flower :)) and having a break from pushing myself to be able to focus on keeping up what I've achieved}

I've been out and broken some branches for the fire too today 🙂 and since I read your last post . . . I've even gotten dressed! 😄

Hey, that bubble of fresh air I sent you, means you've got enough oxygen to light a match; even if you still can't move forward, a little light might make it feel a little better

Good morning All and @Former-Member

the past few months were particularily difficult in my current life and all my focus was directed on day to day issues and what I wanted and needed to do for the future. It was a fantastic distraction...

Standing tall is I write this, I think about something one of my first psychologists said to me - in my interpretation (I do acknowledge that my interpretation often does not resonate what was actually said / meant) "it is not normal to spend so much time sitting or lying on the floor". Why do I do that? Perhaps I felt safe when I was still that little?

I dream a lot again and see pictures of my past throughout the day. I read this morning to be happy you must forgive. Forgive?

I'll be doing some mundane house chores this morning and then go out with a friend. I would also like to paint. But I guess it will be a picture with dark colours. I'll be doing my boring self-care challenge as well. I will not be beaten. Even if @Former-Member bubble of clear air has evaporated.

Good Morning @Former-Member

What is your favourite flower? Mine is a yellow rose 🙂

I hear you that the past few months have been difficult, sometimes I find it difficult just to focus on day to day care. I too find planning for the future a fantastic distraction {I may have only been on one camp trip so far, but I've planned for more :)}

I'm proud to see you standing tall 🙂 I challenge your psychologist with a simple question - 'What is normal', is it the average of the entire population, or the average of an individual? If you've been sitting or lying on the floor for a long time, perhaps it has become normal for you? I see no harm in it, just maybe a little discomfort {I'm getting old, the ground has gotten too far away for getting back up :D} But if it gives you a feeling of safety then perhaps it also gives you comfort - so I'll send a velvet covered cyber bean-bag so your comfort zone can be more comfortable 🙂

I think acceptance is a form of forgiveness, accepting that sometimes you have no control over others actions and forgiving yourself for reacting in the only way you can.

In doing those mundane house chores you are actually doing something extreme, . . . overcoming immense difficulties. I hope you enjoy your time with your friend 🙂 and I hope you do get to do some painting; dark or light, colourful or black and white - it is an honest expression of yourself.

I'm sending a much bigger bubble of fresh, clean air (so it can fit the bean-bag in as well :)) and this time I'm also sending a solar light within it 🙂 . . . no batteries needed 🙂 It will keep shining for as long as the sun keeps rising 🙂

Lots of love to you Flower

Niqua

Dear @utopia @Former-Member @Faith-and-Hope @Former-Member

I am so sorry to tell you, but I will be leaving the forum again. It hurts, but I just don't think I belong. I don't feel I belong anywhere. I never did. And I always think everyone is angry with me. I was astounded yesterday when I looked for my husband in the garden, and he was nice to me (he is almost always nice to me), but I thought he would be angry, and I don't know how to deal with myself. I am good at putting my mask on again, but I just don't feel I belong. I cancelled all appointments and deleted all phone numbers of my care team - I know I can get them back on the internet. I don't want to deal with the past anymore. I don't want to deal with mental illness anymore. I wonder if I can just do that, pretend my meds are vitamins and just stuff away that ugly past.

@Former-Member .... please don't leave the forums again, even if you just leave your account here alone ..... at least we will have your beautiful avatar to come and visit with, rather than the "former member" generic black and white thing .....

I am sorry you are feeling this way. Personally I can't see why anyone would be angry with you ... I certainly am not ....

Hugs n hugs @Former-Member .... 💜💐💕

Good Morning @Former-Member

No need to be sorry, you are allowed to make your own choices here - but if it hurts . . . you don't have to leave.

I think you belong here because you understand, confusion, pain, fear. A thought is just a thought, they will come and go, sometimes in droves and pile on top of you, crushing you to try and make you believe them - even when they're not true.

I am not angry with you, I like you, I feel for what you go through. I wish I could help.

I'm glad your Husband is almost always nice to you, you deserve that.

Make and take the space you need, your intelligence shines through with your knowledge that you can get back on the internet and get your support back when your ready.

If pretending helps then pretend, I do it all the time, sending things that aren't real - but the feelings that go with them are