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Overwhelming feelings of guilt

HurtandaloneSenior Contributor14 July 2015, 10:50 pm AEST

Overwhelming feelings of guilt

I have suffered with depression and anxiety since I was 19 things have been up and down since but this year has been just aweful and I don't know where else to turn.
I have done something terrible that only a bad sick person would do and I am now paying for it.
I have been at the same job for nine years and in that time I have made some friendships that have become an important part of my life.
I have done something sick, unforgivable and disturbing to a friend of mine at work.
I made up a fake profile using a friends picture and name to get a guy back that had played me for quit a long time. After feeling very hurt by this person I decided I wanted to make him feel rejected and hurt just the way he did me. Long story short I got my revenge by setting him up on a date then standing him up. Which is a terrible thing to do within itself and didn't really help with my feelings of rejection anyway.
I have been having a few problems at work with someone I considered a friend spreading rumours about me because we had an argument. I told her about what I did with my fake profile when we were friends I never thought she would turn on me. Anyway she did and she told my other friend at work what I did that I used her pics and name to get back at a guy in the internet. My friend confronted me about it I burst into tears and said yes I used her name but not her pics she didn't believe me because she knows about the fake profile she just didn't know i used her pics and name. She yelled at me and said she believes it because she I told her I did that online. She said she is a married woman and said did I realise what I did to her reputation. I was so ashamed I could not admit what I did and I walked out of work crying uncontrollably. I didn't sleep at all for two nights I just kept thinking what a terrible sick person I must be and how everyone at work will look at me like that too. I can't face work or my friend again so I have requested a transfer which means I have lost a friend and a job I have loved for nine years. I just don't know the right way to think about this. I just keep thinking about what a crazy person I must be and how everyone at work must be disgusted in what I did. Please help I don't know what to do

22 replies

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In response to: Overwhelming feelings of guilt

HurtandaloneSenior Contributor15 July 2015, 11:06 pm AEST

Re: Overwhelming feelings of guilt

Thank you for all your support you have both been very helpful I am still not feeling the best and feeling quite insecure about myself but I will just try and take this one day at a time.y concentration is very slowly coming back and I slept a little better last night. Thanks again for the support

In response to: Re: Overwhelming feelings of guilt

AppleblossomSenior Contributor15 July 2015, 11:52 pm AEST

Re: Overwhelming feelings of guilt

I believe it is the honest and decent people who walk their life journey understanding they are vulnerable but still take the next step. Good on you,for reaching out. I am a night owl and up too. I have to go the station in 15 mins to pick up son.

Are you having shifts at the old house until your transfer, or just at home.

In response to: Overwhelming feelings of guilt

HurtandaloneSenior Contributor15 July 2015, 11:58 pm AEST

Re: Overwhelming feelings of guilt

I am still awake as I have been finding it hard to get to sleep I am off work in sick leave for the week then I could be going back to where I came from until management find me another house to go to. Both situations in very worries about.
How long have you been in here? What is your story?

In response to: Re: Overwhelming feelings of guilt

AppleblossomSenior Contributor16 July 2015, 12:40 am AEST

Re: Overwhelming feelings of guilt

Only been on the site 3 weeks, but I have posted a lot.

My story is a bit broken up and is long and complicated. A lot of MI on my family. If you know all the details you might not like me so much.Its floating among the "conversations" I have had. I am hoping people will find a way to relate to me with my warts and all.

I think my first thread was "Hello ... just introducing myself"

If you press on the hypertext of a poster you can get details of their threads and online feeds. I think it is a good idea to know who we are talking to and as it is a function of the site, I use it.

Just got back from picking up son

Do you think you will be able to sleep eventually?

In response to: Overwhelming feelings of guilt

HurtandaloneSenior Contributor16 July 2015, 8:48 pm AEST

Re: Overwhelming feelings of guilt

Sorry thought I already replied to you. I'm doing a little better but still feeling guilty and unsure of what the future holds.
Thanks so much for your support it has been good to get things off my chest

In response to: Re: Overwhelming feelings of guilt

NikNikSenior Contributor16 July 2015, 9:07 pm AEST

Re: Overwhelming feelings of guilt

Hi @Hurtandalone

I just wanted to say a quick hi and welcome you to the Forums - even though you've been here a little while now.

I echo everything everyone has said already. I want to add though, just the line of work you're in tells me that you're a caring ang compassionate person and the amount of concern and regret also shows how kind you are.

We have our strongest emotional reactions to things that aren't in our nature or against our values.We all make mistakes and it sounds like you are causing more hurt and pain on yourself than you did on anyone else involved in this situation.

I think you're a good person.

Welcome again to the Forums

In response to: Overwhelming feelings of guilt

HurtandaloneSenior Contributor16 July 2015, 9:15 pm AEST

Re: Overwhelming feelings of guilt

Thank you I guess just losing a friend over it plus what people must think of me in the workplace it is really humiliating also. I am starting to forgive myself a little and I think of it was done to me I would find it in my heart to forgive the person also as no ha came of it and it was not done in bad intention. I guess life goes on and I have to respect her decision not to want to be friends anymore. I may have to go back to my old workplace next week if management havnt been able to give me a transfer yet. Not sure of how I will cope but if I have to I will go as I need to pay the bills. People at my work who know me well enough would know not the freak I'm probably being made out to be and I guess it doesn't matter anyway I am there to do a job.
Thanks again for all your kind words they have helped a lot

In response to: Re: Overwhelming feelings of guilt

Unknown userMember16 July 2015, 9:34 pm AEST

Re: Overwhelming feelings of guilt

most people will move on quicker than you think. Your old friend may not... but the people you work with will get on with the job when they see that you are. In some ways you probably just need to 'fake it till you make it' i think. The longer i think about things that im worried about the more possible problems i imagine could happen.. and its not usually as bad as i think its going to be when i get there. Going back to work next week could actually be good (even though really difficult). If you're still feeling really low and concentration doesnt keep improving it might be good to talk to a doctor or someone too for another perspective and advice to make sure that you continue to recover.

good luck

In response to: Overwhelming feelings of guilt

HurtandaloneSenior Contributor16 July 2015, 9:42 pm AEST

Re: Overwhelming feelings of guilt

Yes I know going back to work will be good for me but I havnt really experienced bullying which has been happening lately with a couple of new staff members I have been there 8 years and never felt so hated and talked about I walk into work they give me filthy looks spread malicious rumours about me and now after going through this profile business it's going to make things even worse. I am going to have a meeting tomorrow with the manager as over the past month I have come home early from work crying about the way I have been treated as I don't know how to deal with the behaviour I really feel like I'm back in high school and I have never felt hated at work before. I'm a huge people pleaser and can't stand the thought of anyone disliking me. That's another reason I asked for a transfer

In response to: Re: Overwhelming feelings of guilt

Unknown userMember16 July 2015, 10:03 pm AEST

Re: Overwhelming feelings of guilt

Sorry, i didnt realise that was happening as well! You have a lot going on! 😞 and thats not good at all 😞 im glad you have made the appointment with your manager, its a good way to start taking control. Hopefully they can help you with getting people to behave professionally at work as they should be and you can focus on enjoying working with your clients again. I hope your meeting goes well!

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