Hello and welcome to my story

Hey

This evening i feel very suicidal. Im not ringing any ohoneline or anything because they just frustrate me. Last time i did that the person said i should go for a walk. Did they even do the training for the service ffs..

And i may not be eligible because of a fine i got in the past and also because of my medications. NSW is very strict with uber. You need authority to use a car for private hire. And if i cant do uber then my mental health takes a hit. I was gonna use it for being able to talk to new people and such while making some money. Its like the only hope i have. I couldnt even work in a bookstore i applied at because i was too angsty to ring them back... that just made me angry. I know i can do it but its still not enough... i just doubt myself so much... like im even aware of it but it still happens..

hi

i've just woken up and i feel crap

i don't know how to tell my mum, i don't know what to say

i just feel like going to hospital but i know im going to get bored when i go there

but i seriously hate life at the moment... i dont know what else to do with myself

i just want my mental health problems to go away and never come back

i hate feeling like a weirdo and feeling like im not normal because i have felt this way my whole life

i have seen too many psychs and i get sick of all of them, the one i see at the moment is about to go on leave too..

i just want to be able to function normally like a normal human

im sick of looking weird and im sick of feeling weird too..

hey

so yesterday was rough

i really struggle to go easy on myself... like really really struggle.

Oftentimes i find that I need to remember that I'm doing okay. There's no actual problem that exists that needs to be "Solved" just a matter of perception

i get angry with myself too and that's beginning to change

just need to remember to keep balance in life and always be looking for the good things that i have - even if i have the tendency to forget.