BastSenior Contributor
Overwhelming Grief for Bast
I am in the midst of MH episode and have run ourt of ways to keep on going.
I write to all people who care as a way of articulating my greif. Today I had to have my beautiful Bengal and namesake Bast killed. He has been such a big part of my life for 8 years. My husband went to enormous lenghths to arrange him for me, a pedigree cat as I was struggling with the loss of a beautiful rescue whose death was incredibly difficult. I came home to receive an intersting and delightful pedigree kitten. The thoughtfulness, compassion and love in arranging Bast for me will be with me always.
Bast was a full on Bengal - wild and willfull, personality plus. Bast truly behaved as per his lineage; a wild snow leopard cross. Bast was pretty well super cat, athletic and so strong.
Bast was brilliantly independent, loving as he required and when we moved to a 2 storey home would leap from the top to the bottom floor. Bast would also ensure that his needs were clear, he would literally yell like he was being murdered when attention was sought.
Bast loved to be warm and I would often come home to find a tunnel in the end of the doona where he had snuggled for the day.He would also climb into bed at night. He was not a cuddle cat as such - all pats were on his own terms, I do so admire this.
For Bast his early months were clearly difficult. He was advertised as family friendly, unfortunately early life experiences with a 2 year old child took a toll. He responded well though, 2 prolonged rounds of massage, soothing and full scale calming love worked. The fear abated and he became responsive.
His loss today is utterly devastating - a diagnosis of a tumour that was untreatable. To have had to allow him to pass is overwhelming for me. I know that I have done what is right today, although I simply cannot reconcile the experience and the guilt and self blame.
I love my Bastie Boy and will somehow contend with his funeral tomorrow. I know that my grief is real and the pain is normal intellectually.
At the moment though - all I can do is cry, I took a live part of my family to the Vet and brought back a dead child. It is just so hard.
Thinking of you
