-Enigma-

Thank you for your kind words @Former-Member and @Bunniekins

I often ask the same thing @Former-Member - "what is wrong with people?" when they are unkind and deliberately hurtful. Especially when they know a person is vulnerable or not well. They may not have the maturity to express empathy yet? I am so sorry your daughter has been let down by friends when she most needed them. My own daughter was let down in the past like this. It must be so heart wrenching for you to watch.. I am here for you. I am pleased that your daughter has continued her studies - this will give her more life opportunities and chances to meet other more genuine friends whom may have more compassion and be good for her. We all need friends like this. Finding these people is not easy - but they are out there and worth their weight in gold. I have a few. They are who makes the world go round and a better place - not money and power as so many would believe.

Its lovely how you do things like cooking together - a good move my friend and worth the effort. It will help your daughter and bring you both closer together. I try and do things with my daughter but this fellow is placing a wedge between us.....I don't quite know how to act in front of her because I don't understand why she is allowing this relationship. He is an abuser. And to be honest I am disappointed in her....I don't want her to know this as it wouldn't help matters at all. But it's the truth. I just have to have the faith in her that she will come round and do the right thing eventually and shine through it all....

You are right, she is lonely and craves attention and love. But she won't get the latter from him and I can't see why she wastes her time.

When I was that age I would of preferred to be alone and just go out with friends and have fun than be with someone like him. I am different to her in that way, but in other ways she is stronger than me. She was once academic with high standards and nice friends. She just snapped one day and pushed them and her better life all away, through her good upbringing out the window .....I think due to sexual assault. I have learnt to emotionally detach to a degree but I don't want to see her hurt or lose her.

Going for a walk along the beach would be so lovely @Former-Member - that is one of my favourite places and where I can find peace too. Will your daughter go with you? I love spending time with people on such walks, simple but creates such nice memories, very special - we are building on the sea.

We have a lot in common. It is heartbreaking to be let down - I have been hurt a lot and understand your reluctance. I too, like you, hope that will change for me as we do need others at times. It's hard to forget the hurts though - I understand. If I did not push myself and have stepped out of my comfort zone at times I would of been a total loner now. I took a leap of faith once - I will have to again one day.

I was going to go to the beach today but decided against it as the late night and trauma of yesterday has taken it out of me. Tomorrow I will have to do some work in the garden in order to get it ready for when we put it on the market. I may do some cross stitch and beading to unwind. Have a lovely walk and please let me know how your daughter goes. This must be a horrendously hard time for both of you. Thinking of you 🌹xx

@Bunniekins - I am writing a message for you below xx

Hi @Bunniekins

The aftermath of the operation and moving was worrying me as well to be honest - the way the surgeon explained the surgery was shocking. Not a pleasant procedure. So we were shell shocked too.

Sorry to read of what you went through with your son - that would of been extremely traumatising for you all. Sou da lime we are all going through it presently - good thing we have each other and to know we are not alone in it.

We have had to call the police on our daughter in the past - not an easy thing to do but life saving. I don't think our children realise the damage they can do to us and the lasting effects on the family unit. My daughter also does not realise the full extent of what she puts us through with her risky dangerous relationships? Has your son done this before? Did anything trigger him? I am pleased to read that he is sorry - does he have an emergency plan if he ever feels distraught like this again? It's good that you can talk to him so openly. My daughter has apologised for such things in the past and has improved greatly this way....it's the company she is in that keeps bringing her back down. The people we associate with can make or break us - I am careful that way by necessity.

I was just talking to @Former-Member about reaching out to friends and shortly after I posted to her my best friend rings. I told her about my husband news. She replied "you sound down - is there any good news?" 😬. That reply made me feel judged and guilty for saying anything. I don't know if it is because I am sleep deprived currently but that made me feel annoyed. She did say to ring if I need her. Highly unlikely now. She is going through a lot herself and I just put it down to that. Some people may be better than others at offering support - that may not be her forte. I feel let down. But people can only do there best. I think it's just me being on edge presently - she meant well.

You are right my sweet pea, we just have to keep paddling hoping the tide does not override us. And that's what I will do. What are your plans for the weekend?

@Former-Member Yes we have had the police and ambos before quite a few times. My youngest child remembers them all coming through the house all full of testosterone. It was awful. My psychiatrist said it is more than likely what triggered my mental illness that and other factors. My son can be very threatening when he gets in these moods *sigh*.

I am so sorry your daughter is still with those negative influences ... what can you do but keep reaching out and being there. As for friends this is all why I have found it very hard to have friends because both my daughter and i feel so damaged from what happened. I can understand your reluctance to reach out again to your friend about things people just dont get it do they?

Hi @Former-Member

It's really been nice chatting with you too 😊 Maturity does have a lot to do with how people treat each other, my daughter is still a bit immature and that is half the problem. Your daughter will meet a lot of new people in time and things will get better for her. She is ambitious too which shows resilience. My daughter use to start study but she wou,d never see it through. I think her depressive moods were too overwhelmingly for her. But she is doing alright at the hospitality job she currently has and is very confident on the microphone hosting. She really enjoys it. I hope this relationship she is allowing does not ruin it for her.

You are right about technology - there are advantages to it but people were kinder before it - and safer. My daughter was groomed through Facebook when 15. I think there was more respect out there for each other years back. I find people are friendlier in country areas - I miss my old farm, I was never alone then as there was a strong community and people helped each other out. But like you I am hopeful the future will get better - for both of us. 💞🌹

Hi @Shaz51 - nice to see you here. I hope all is going okay with your health and Mr Shaz. You are a very brave and strong woman. Please throw some of that courage over to me xxx

They don't always seem to get it @Bunniekins or they don't handle it. You are spot on. My other friends at the shop I believe have suffered depression etc - they may be the people to turn to at home now I think. I love my friend but she just isn't good in the support area - she is compassionate but she judges people (they should just cope, get over it, be stronger - that type of useless non-help when in a crisis)

.I am probably being a cranky bum but I am always there for them and compassionate - it would be nice to have someone there for me just in emergencies. A lot of people on here would be feeling the same way also I am sure. My psychologist years back once said to me "if I had a dollar for every patient that I see whom says if "they just had some support, someone to talk to, they would not need meds" - I would be a millionaire!". I believe her. I just have to shake the stress off and move on again. I am going through a really rough patch inwardly.

I do relate to the horror of having numerous police make their way through the house - when my daughter had mental episodes (self harm and violent outbursts), that happened here too. But not for quite some time. I feel for you, it's a helpless feeling. This can have an effect on our minds and health - that is what I am battling now. I am determined it won't win, that I won't have another breakdown. You will overcome this too my sweet pea - you are almost there. We will do this together. It is nice to know you are there xxxxx

@Former-Member I will always be here -Enigma- 🙂 xx

Thank you @Bunniekins@Former-Member and everyone. This has helped me a lot by just opening up. Thanks for listening and sharing. It's healing 💜

Please throw some of that courage over to me xxx -- sure will my awesome friend @Former-Member, stay close to me

@Former-Member, you are a great , loving mother xoxoxo