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Something’s not right

-Enigma-

-Enigma-

I have given up now - no one can say it was not without a fight. But then no one on heaven and earth would give a damn anyway. I gave from the heart and it was a joy to help others. I felt such peace with that. I never did it for anything in return ever, I did it because I truly cared and felt so much genuine compassion towards others. I was promised dreams and peace would come true even though I never asked. It felt so good to know I made someone's lives a bit better.

Why is it that people like me are then faced with so much heartache, injustice, trauma and adversity that seeks to do everything in its power to destroy that good, to take the little good and peace I had, to utterly destroy me. Why?

I had always been there when possible others times of need - now that I truly need someone I have been all but abandoned by those I knew and those in the spirit. I realise now everything was a lie and feel utterless helpless and lost. I have lost everything and don't see the point in being here. I hope I don't wake up to another day of despair.

1732 replies

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In response to: -Enigma-

Re: -Enigma-

Oh WOW @CheerBear. The photos really does the colours justice from where I am looking - they are a knock out. Sincerely, I was gobsmacked and I never say anything I don't mean. If I had the time you would have converted me to crocheting lol. I could just imagine this not only on a bed but as a wall hanging deco or over a chair etc. it would be a stunning and warm addition to any home.

Colour truly does being me alive. I love the colours you used. It has even more of an impact than the crocheted shawl which I didnt think would be possible. This is craft to be really proud of. I am becoming a big fan of the crochet overlay, thank you for explaining the technique - it really does make a more profound impact. You are one talented lady.

Although I know this does not matter to most people who enjoy craft, but have you considered entering this in a art/craft show or Easter show event? It's worthy and a lot of people would gain a lot of joy when viewing it. Do you mind if I share these photos with my friend? (The third photo isn't visible yet but am keeping my 👀 out for it).

I have heard many people comment how craft/art/gardening has helped them through some very troubled times in their lives. It's sometimes in these very trying times that the greatest creativity is born. That was certainly the case with you my friend. Craft/writing helped me through my depressions in the past. It really is a testimony of bringing beauty out of the darkest places. Thank you so much for sharing. 💕

When you mentioned you enjoy reading - what type of genre/themes/subjects do you enjoy reading the most?

In response to: -Enigma-

Re: -Enigma-

Hello @Maggie

Ah sorry to read today was a downer for you. Sending you a big, warm squishy hug. And yes, there is always a new day ahead and I will be there with you - all the way...always. You have my true friendship and loyalty.

Today wasn't too bad, although we only managed to stay out a couple of hours as hubby isn't well. He looks really pale presently and I am trying to keep his spirits up and I think it is working. He suffers much but soldiers on which I admire so in him.

We did visit the site of where our home would be built and had some lunch. Did not manage to walk the shores as my husband wasn't up to it today, but did enjoy listening to the waves crashing and smelling the salt in the air. A natural high. So that was nice. We also spoke to the manager there as he talked us through where they were at with the lead up to building our home. There are a few clitches but it should start within a couple of months, and then happen very quickly from there.

The manager also talked to me for an hour about the horrific health issues he and his wife were going through - and they are only in their forties. He is such a lively, kind, happy go lucky chap so I was very surprised. I am worried about him because he started with saying how the bad days made the good ones so much better and we should fight to the end for life..., to contradicting himself saying "I can't see the point, I am tired". I will be keeping as close an eye on him as possible as I am worried. He is such a lovely person. It's tough.

My daughter worked until 2:00 am this morning and was back out to work at 10:00 am today doing another 10 shift. Amazing. That's tough for anyone. I told her how proud I was of her and she replied "Why?". Lol, kids 😅

Are you going to watch anything interesting on TV tonight? I will attempt some writing if the brain will work. May need some assistance from caffeine lol. Can't wait to get the writing group up and running ❤️

In response to: -Enigma-

Re: -Enigma-

@Former-Member thank you so much for your very kind and thoughtful words 💗

The first blanket fits over a queen size bed, with enough size to drape over the sides. The second blanket is larger again. I was almost completely covered by it (feet to almost chin) when I fell asleep with it yesterday. I do love seeing them on a bed over the back of our neutral coloured lounge 😊

I too have a very sensitive relationship with colour (to quote someone wonderful here who noticed that about me early). I think I needed the brightness of the first blanket because of the darkness of the time. I need the comfort of the colours in the second one now as I continue the journey.

I'd never considered entering anything in a show. I feel like this is something that is more a test of patience rather than skill. Even if I wanted to I couldn't though, as the life I lead is pretty "hidden". Do you enter yours in shows? I see cross stitch like yours and @Maggie s and my face does this 😮😍

As for reading, my concentration and ability to hold focus on a story took a hit with my mental health hiccups. I read mostly books that I think will help me through this time now (trauma recovery books). How about yourself? You have a beautiful way with words and can see how that would work with a love of reading and writing.

💗

In response to: Re: -Enigma-

Re: -Enigma-

Yes, colour does have a way of uplifting - one of life's ways of shifting our focus to the brighter side of reality. It never fails to give me a good feeling - whether that be through art, craft, gardens or a beautiful rainbow over the mist.

I can feel the comfort of your blanket wrapping you in its embrace - you also have a beautiful way with words. When someone can picture what you are saying - that is a sign of a writer waiting to come out. You could write too @CheerBear - I can see that. But I do understand the commitment it can take and there has to be the time. I am writing bits here and there, so hopefully will have something put together soon to start the writing thread. Thank you for your encouragement - it helps inspire me further ✍️❤️

I totally relate to the difficulty with focus and concentration when depressed and anxious. I can have the same struggles - when I had a total breakdown I could not read novels. Maybe a few lines here and there, but that was the extent of it. And it was very frustrating, it took me quite awhile for my mind to be able to refocus. And when I can I get even more out of it. It feels great. But writing does not come easy to me - only when I am inspired if that makes sense.

I love to read biographies of interesting people - not necessarily celebrities, but people who are inspiring and have overcome the odds. I like a good story about almost anything - particularly where facts are mixed with fiction. I call it faction. I enjoy writing about real life events brought to life with fictious characters - with a mix of romance, current affairs and the supernatural. I love to escape the mundaness of life that way. I think that's why people like to read - to escape to a better more exciting place where the only limit is the realms of imagination. I hope I can convey this in my writing. I am equally as excited to see what others bring to the creative writing table. People are more talented than they realise - they just lack the self confidence sometimes. We all do abit. My writing won't be for everyone but it will be fun in the process of creating it. I am really looking forward to your future feedback. Always so wonderful conversing with you @CheerBear 💕xx

In response to: Re: -Enigma-

Re: -Enigma-

@Former-Member Thankyou for the big warm squishy hug, I needed that, now let's wrap ourselves up in @CheerBear blanket, and surround ourselves with colour and beauty. There's always something small to bring a smile. I'll write tomorrow as my mind is not here atm, but wanted to send a warm hug back. 💗💗💗

In response to: Re: -Enigma-

Re: -Enigma-

Sweet dreams and goodnight dear @Maggie@CheerBear 💜❤️💜❤️💜😴

@Faith-and-Hope - hope this evening you are feeling better and everything has settled at home a little for you. I know how hard it can be when mental illness afflicts a family and trying to keep it together. It's a hard road and heartbreaking. Thinking of you 🌹

In response to: Re: -Enigma-

Re: -Enigma-

Thanks @Former-Member .... all quiet on the western front .... at the moment ..... 💕

In response to: Re: -Enigma-

Re: -Enigma-

@Former-Member I'm thinking you are sleeping atm, I hope you wake up rested and ready for a new day. I'm drinking my first coffee wondering what today holds. It's raining so the strawberries I planted yesterday are well watered.Maggie-May is on my knee and light is breaking through the clouds here. A good start would be to start the washing machine, it's full, then I might change to summer sheets. All thinking atm,no action.lol sending warm thoughts your way.

@CheerBear I imagine things are moving in all directions at home right now getting the LF out to school. Put your feet up for awhile once they leave and breath. Sending warm thoughts.

In response to: -Enigma-

Re: -Enigma-

They're off and happy @Maggie, and I'm heading straight for my favourite spot in the garden to have a very quiet coffee before an appointment with my MH worker 😊

Hope you have a good day today. Thinking about things is the first step to doing them 😉 ☺

Good morning to you too @Former-Member and sending you best wishes for the day ahead.

💗

In response to: Re: -Enigma-

Re: -Enigma-

Good to read the children went off to school happily @CheerBear - a good start to the day. Sounds like a lovely peaceful place to be in your garden, a lovely way to unwind ready to face the day. Hope all goes well at the session with your MH worker. Let us know how it goes if you are comfortable doing so. Will be thinking of you. 💕

Hi @Maggie

Sounds like you have a relaxing peaceful day ahead. You figured right - whilst you were pondering on the day ahead I was 😴 I need too much sleep presently as my body catches up after all the stress. But am working on getting my body clock back into action as I find I have more and more to do in my day.

Nothing like picking fresh fruit and veges from the garden. Strawberries one of my favourite desserts with light cream (dipped in a bit of chocolate if I feel naughty lol). We did get a small fall of rain but nowhere near enough to deep water my garden. We hopefully should get more this afternoon.

We have to go up the road for a GP appt and see if we can learn more about the results of my husband's scans. Nail bitting time. We may have to wait for the specialist appt before we know the full story. It will be interesting. Then after that I will do a weekly shop in the chaos (not fond of shopping centres). On return I will dabble with my writing again and see if anything flows onto paper.

My daughter is back to work again. That's all she does lately - work and sleep. Pleased how she is becoming more responsible. To think only a few months ago she was self destructing in such a dangerous way and exhibiting signs of sociopathy. Not now. Wow, if this keeps up I really will be able to finally move forward at a greater pace. There is so much in my life I want to do where now I may finally get the chance to do it all. As you said, waiting for hubby's miracle then the new chapter will begin. Enjoy your day my good friend - looking forward to reading all about it 😊

Hello @Faith-and-Hope - that's good news that the fort is quiet at the moment. Hope your day is a good one 🌹

Hello @soul@Appleblossom@Shaz51@Bunniekins@Former-Member - have a great day all ❤️

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