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Something’s not right

-Enigma-

-Enigma-

I have given up now - no one can say it was not without a fight. But then no one on heaven and earth would give a damn anyway. I gave from the heart and it was a joy to help others. I felt such peace with that. I never did it for anything in return ever, I did it because I truly cared and felt so much genuine compassion towards others. I was promised dreams and peace would come true even though I never asked. It felt so good to know I made someone's lives a bit better.

Why is it that people like me are then faced with so much heartache, injustice, trauma and adversity that seeks to do everything in its power to destroy that good, to take the little good and peace I had, to utterly destroy me. Why?

I had always been there when possible others times of need - now that I truly need someone I have been all but abandoned by those I knew and those in the spirit. I realise now everything was a lie and feel utterless helpless and lost. I have lost everything and don't see the point in being here. I hope I don't wake up to another day of despair.

1732 replies

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In response to: -Enigma-

Re: Over The Edge

Thanks @Maggie

Yes - it's exciting to be going away tomorrow - I have been telling Companion Cat exactly what I am doing but I know she is ignoring me - I just hope she doesn't have a puddy-tat melt-down as she did the last time I went away - I was just inside the door holding my stuff and she is so little but gave her orders with piercing meows and then for the next two weeks she was running and jumping on me with her claws out

Of course I am going away again - and the next time planning to be away a bit longer - my daughter will be coming in to check on her a couple of times - and what does she do when I am at home - ah - she sleeps all day - I am sure she sleeps all day when I am not here too

When she was young - before I had a mobile phone - and I went away for a few days I would come home and find the phone off the hook - I don't know if she was trying to answer the phone or tried to ring out. Also - she managed to open my cupboard and pulled my clothes of the lower shelves - maybe she was looking for me

I love her hippie-cat behaviour - it shows she is intelligent and that I mean a lot to her too I think - she is everything to me - as I said - Companion Cat - and she does have a real name that she has finally started to answer too - she will be 14 in a few weeks

Thanks Maggie

Dec

In response to: -Enigma-

Re: Over The Edge

Your welcome @Owlunar

I've had a cold or sinus problem, I am not sure which one I might have had both. But I am feeling/sensing that I am fighting something off atm. I am sorry to hear you have been unwell and hopefully you're on the mend.

I am not too fond of the colder weather either and I know you prefer the warmer days and when the days get longer. I think I can hear rain outside we have had nil rain this month in Qld, it has been really dry. But I do love the smell of rain.

Hope you've a great day tomorrow...

In response to: Re: Over The Edge

Re: Over The Edge

@Owlunar I think you are well and truly on your way by now, and companion cat will be preparing those claws for when you return. I hope your time away is all you hope for. Talk more when you come home. Best wishes warm thoughts.

In response to: -Enigma-

Re: Over The Edge

Morning @Former-Member I think my brain is connected now!!!!

Yes I hear you regarding the suffering on the cross and the many other things you mentioned as well. I think I was like you as a child, you saw that love in Mary I saw it in Christ. He was everything to me for most of my life. I never thought I would lose someone so close. Maybe I'll find my way back, I think I'm just too scared to lose anymore.

You sound like you have a happy outlook in life @Former-Member that gets taken with pressures and depression. But you haven't lost, you are fighting to keep the real you. Maybe the daughter pressure atm is robbing you of you. She can't do that. The move will be good, but getting to it is difficult. You are winning, we all are.

What time do you go to bingo today? I hope you enjoy and win.

Its cloudy here atm and I'm trying to push myself to get something done. Once I get started its ok, it's the starting that's hard. Remember you matter, I'm saying it to myself also.

In response to: Re: Over The Edge

Re: Over The Edge

Hi @Maggie

I'm waiting for my room to be ready atm - I had a great flight - I enjoyed this so much - and now I am using the public computers in the lobby of the hotel

It's a beautiful day - I can hardly believe it after the weather we have had

Dec

In response to: Re: Over The Edge

Re: Over The Edge

Hi @Owlunar I didn't expect to hear from you while you were away. Hope your room is warm and cosy. Do you go out and check out the sights?

I had my friend here for a coffee, then we watched the bold and the beautiful OMG...

There is blossom out everywhere here, it's just so beautiful, Spring is just over a week away.

Rest up @Owlunar thinking of you, warm thoughts.

In response to: Re: Over The Edge

Re: Over The Edge

It was beautiful weather here too today - Sounds like an exciting trip you are embarking on @Owlunar Enjoy ✈️

I have a few friends that watch the bold and beautiful - please tell me the attraction @Maggie lol. Sounds like you have a really good time with your friend which is wonderful 😊

I went to bingo today - left at 10:00am and it started at 11:00. I was quite depressed when I got there and this time I could not cover it up. My friends were concerned. Luckily my husband turned up around lunch time to talk to me. It picked me up and I managed to enjoy the rest of the day better but I am having a real struggle at the moment. Not just with my daughter but my husband's ill health and life in general. It's all wearing me down and I am not myself at all.

I may be off to bingo again tomorrow so hopefully will feel better for that. And today my husband was told at a business meeting that I will be further trained to do "no interest loans" for the community centre I volunteer with. So that is good news. Just hope this depression does not get worse. Hope everyone's day was good

In response to: Re: Over The Edge

Re: Over The Edge

Hi @Maggie

Right now I am sitting on a public computer looking out on a beautiful day in Sydney - thinking that one can look at life from many angles and today it's a take-it-easy day to get my back right before taking a trip to the Zoo and maybe to watch the whales tomorrow

But I have been out for a walk in the sunshine and wow - what an experience when I found a small supermarket in China-Town - there was nearly all Asian food there and everything was written in Chinese or something similar and people were speaking Asian languages - yes - this has to have been interesting - a friend of mine is taking a holiday in Hong Kong - I think that might be a similar language experience

My room is cute - it actually has a bath and that is easier to manage than demented showers - when I was in Canberra last year I was attacked by a hand-held shower head that sprayed me with icy cold water and then somehow the bathroom floor was flooded - so yes - we can always just enjoy the experience

The staff here is fantastic - anything I want - like at around 10.30pm I ordered lemon-chicken skewers - such fun having food delivered like that - and eating without fuss at such a late hour - and it was delicious

So yes - I am having the time of my life and I am making sure I get the best I can out of it

Dec

In response to: Re: Over The Edge

Re: Over The Edge

Hi @Owlunar loved the shower experience, I have the same with the hose outside but don't have to clean up, they come alive and chase me when I try to turn them off.

The zoo sounds like it will be a lovely experience, and whales, well green with envy now. Chinatown on the other hand, I like to know what's going on.

As for a bath I can't get in or out anymore @Owlunar you would think after all that praying and scrubbing that they would be my strongest part!!!! A walk in shower it is for me.

Almost midnight feasts sounds good, do you manage to sleep after it?

Raining here, not too cold. I'm glad you are having the time of your life, enjoy every moment. Thinking of you @Owlunar.

In response to: Re: Over The Edge

Re: Over The Edge

Enjoy @Owlunar my friend

I remember when mr shaz was put in hospital , I could not get a room with redcross until the next day so for that night my cousin paid for a room in the hotel -- wow , it was lovely , sooo enjoy xx

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