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Hi @Former-Member wondering if things went ok for you today. Whatever the outcome, we are here for you, no matter what. Just in cast things are too difficult, I won't go on, as you might not be up to reading much. Try to be kind to you tonight. Hug coming your way.

Hello my lovely @Maggie@Owlunar

@Owlunar that is so true - we do need to be strong for ourselves. I do tire of the anxiety and distress and am always looking for reprieve in the small good things and postive thoughts - as you said, so much harder when alone facing life and death situations. I admire your strength and how far you have come since the tragic loss of your son. It's inspiring and I am so glad you post here. We have a nice caring supportive group between us. I hope your day was good ❤️

@Maggie - thank you for asking after me. A huge day of running around trying to sort the loopholes of our contract out. And I think we have. We even changed a few clauses in the contract to make it a big fairer and better for us. We have paid the deposit and now just waiting for exchange which should happen soon. I feel I have made the right move so now feel I have I something to look forward to there. Emotionally wise a bit more settled today although still somewhat anxious, am working on focusing on all the positives to help. I believe my husband will be okay. I am holding onto that. And he is being good to me - All that has helped me settle.

I love reading your posts so please never be concerned about saying too much. You are a beautiful person whose friendship I value.

The manager out at the place where we are building in was today talking to us about holidaying in Tassie soon. I though of you and Zoe immediately. Sounds like a beautiful place. He was saying everything there tastes so much better....Hubby and me plan to holiday there after we move as well, even though a long way from here (in my eyes but to others it's nothing) it sounds like a experience to be had. Must be a wonderful to live there.

Hubby goes for his specialist appt tomorrow. I will post and let you know how it goes. What was your day like Maggie and how have you been feeling? Always here for you too xxxx

@Faith-and-Hope Hope all is going well for you and things are calm on the family front. Thinking of you. Warm hugs 🤗 xx

@Former-Member Sooooooo pleased your dream is taking shape. Things sound like they are moving forward. This IS good. You also sound a little better and hubby too. Tomorrow will shed some light I hope on where treatment plans lead. The beginning of another journey.

Thank you for asking how I am. Things are difficult and dark but bit by bit I'm pushing ahead. It's the mind battles that are so powerful and difficult. Yesterday I pushed myself out for a 20 walk, a beginning. Not today as I was house cleaning and dog sitting. We've had almost spring weather for the last few days down here.

So you might be visiting Tassie. I think you might like it. Beautiful scenery and people are very friendly.

You must feel exhausted atm with so many huge things happening in your life. I hope you manage a coffee/tea while you are out tomorrow. We'll all be thinking of you. Take care. Hope you rest well tonight.

Hi @Former-Member@Maggie

I do know it's true that things get easier as we get older - the things that bothered me when I was younger do not bother me now

When I was reading what both of you were writing about childhood abuse I thought - which was worse - having two teenagers interfer with me when I was little or my mother beating me for lying about it - definitely my mother's harsh reaction - which was repeated - though I don't recall that she ever left me with those girls again.

My mother's abuse was physical and emotional - and I wonder - to me it seems really terrible to be sexually assaulted - but so many people also write about keeping this secret and the failure of people to understand ands it seems to me that the crime is made worse by the emotional neglect and social misunderstanding - and we do need to find a way to grow away from all of this - but that is so hard

For me the lights came on after my mother died - and it's not that long ago - but long enough for me to have had the time to find my own feet without her - she was so verbally abusive I didn't go near her for years - but since she died I have learned I am an adult survivor of child abuse and I never heard about that term until the night after her funeral when I was in hospital because I fainted after her funeral - ah - I think that was low blood sugar.

But what I have learned is that being alone and misunderstood and under-valued through trauma is discounting - and the whole thing is made worse by parental neglect of our emotional lives

But I am so sorry about you being sexually abused - that must be so horrific - I can't imagine

Dec

@OwlunarYou show a lot of insight in what you said.

I was sexually abused when very young, by a relative, then again as a young adult, by someone else.

I did not tell anyone until I first told a psych, over 30 years later.

There is no way that I could have told my parents (at the time), & it's strange that they never even noticed my distress (after).

My experience growing up was one of severe emotional & physical neglect - that went on for 20 years (or more). My psych reckons that people underestimate the impact of that.

It's a background of long-term neglect that often brings about complex PTSD (which I have), without there being any other abuse (I'm told).

I'm with you all.

It's hard to deal with, & so hard to talk about it - or even to find people to talk to who understand.

Adge

Hello @Maggie@Owlunar@Adge

Yes, childhood abuse. Mine was horrific also. I definitely relate to all you are saying. I admire how you all can freely talk about it as that is not easy to do. Not something I can go into lengths about but I am really pleased you are all doing this here as it's healing.

I have no memories of certain years as a child because of the abuse I endured. I lost years of my youth that I cannot recall. This I was told by a medical professional was a defence mechanism that protects my sanity - so I don't mind. Unofrtunately I remember enough to understand why my mind shut down. But I wonder if it does come out in the form of my present neurosis subconsciously? - not sure. It has made life extremely difficult for me to cope when under extreme life stressors and did stop me from accomplishing my full potential. That for me was the worst consequence and the fact it left me fighting for self worth.

So I try and make up for that now doing things I find purpose in and that I hope makes a difference. I like to help others and this compassion was born from my own suffering. So in that sense I bought Good from it. And it didn't defeat me - as it didn't defeat you all. Just made it so much harder - but we are getting there a bit more each day, and as @Owlunar saids - we dont worry about the things we once did as we are wiser.That's the survivor in us we can feel good about. I just wish I could beat my neurosis - perhaps in time as the stress in my personal life settles to better times 😊

@Maggie - Did you get to go on your 20 minute walk? I think this is so helpful in coping with anxiety/depression. Making challenging goals for ourselves than enancting them even if we have to push ourselves a little. It all aids to a better quality of life as we then aren't always giving into our mental issues. A victory @Maggie. If you didn't get to do this today, there is always tomorrow.

I am having to do exactly the same thing presently - make small goals and putting one foot in front of the other to accomplish them even though I don't feel like doing it or facing it right now. I always feel better for doing so and enjoy a sense of achievement if only small. It helps me to keep a lid on my rising anxiety that is just a joy killer.

The medical appt with hubby went well today. The professor said that the procedure that my husband had on his bladder a few months ago could have stirred things up with his prostate cancer and the psa readings cou,d settle again. She isn't too concerned at this stage but will be keeping a close eye and wants to see hubby in 2 months again after performing certain tests etc.

His treating professor has been looking after my husband for approx 19 years. She calls him the miracle boy as when he first contracted cancer it was the highest grade and had spread - he was given 18 mths to live. Nearly 20 yrs later he is still living a full life with his cancer controlled. The professor (she) said this has made the history books as no one else with a prostate still intact has survived those odds. So she wants hubby to write his survival story on her hospital website and on other support groups/professional blogs to let others know how he survived it. He states it was a few combining things as to why he beat the odds - excellent medical attention with this Professor, a positive attitude, better lifestyle, a good sense of humour, better nutrition, his love for me which gave him the will, and lots of prayer/faith. He keeps young at heart. I love my husband - he is so inspiring.

So all in all not such a bad day - I did have bouts of anxiety and still feel physically weak but I think in time this will improve now as I am feeling more postive. How was your day @Maggie? Always thinking of you my dear friend 💕😘xx

What did you do today @Owlunar? 💜 @Adge - how is everything going with the workplace?

@Former-Member The abuse in my own life was life threatening also, the Dissociative Identity Disorder is the only thing that saved me. I was too young and brain maturity was not there at that age. I have no memories either, retrieving some here and there, and like you, enough to fill in the rest.

You are right when you say compassion is born from our own experiences, a high price, but all I deeply desire is to help others get through as best we all can.

Your husband sounds like a lovely man @Former-Member and shows real strength, you being the most important I think. Does your husband write, or is this something you could do with your writing gifts? The news is good about his cancer, that must be such a relief for you both.

No walk yesterday I'm afraid, fell to the bottom again. But yes, there is always another day, I guess that's arrived, lol.

Inhope you can get some rest today and do something you enjoy. Take care my friend.

@Adge Thank you for sharing part of your journey, difficult as it is. We are all doing all we can to make the best of terrible events. I hope you have a good day.

@Owlunar You sound to be a wise woman, one who's learned deep hard lessons. I always read your posts if I bump into you around the forum.

Are you making biscuits today? Cooking is my pet hate, I haven't even used my oven and I've been here 7 mths. Enjoy your day.

Hi @Maggie

I am gobsmacked at how much we are alike - how our life events and how we coped are so similar. This isn't common (thank goodness). Not when I was young but more so these days unfortunately (mainly due to drug abuse). My mother never touched drugs though - it was just the way she was. Very cold and could be violent when snapped. And I had a uncle where sexual abuse occurred but to be honest this is so vague - the only thing I can remember was being threatened to be quiet and the recognition it happened. I am very grateful for the loss of the concious memory of some of those years.

Yes, Dissociative Identity Disorder - they called it back then multiple personality disorder. I did react that way as well for awhile when approx 9 yrs old. This was together with a episode of psychosis due to brain damage which occurred from the attempt on my life when little. I remember the voices and images - I thought they were real demons. After a few months though the psychosis stopped on its own and I never had another incident again. It truly was terrifying. Cruel. I understand where you, @Owlunar and @Adge are coming from. I feel I have put that all behind me now, I thought I did anyway as I let go of the anger and distress of it years ago. But I think it still comes out as neurosis. But that can be effectively dealt with if I am not under duress or severe emotional hurt. That's what I find now.

For this reason also I am no good in a emergency. When we found our daughter last year I immediately dissociated - my mind immediately attempted to block it out and I just froze unable to act. Luckily my husband was there and saved her life, called the ambulance etc. He had to yell at me to take the phone while he resuscitated my daughter. I went into a trance. Not good. It takes my mind at least 24 hours now to register the reality in a emergency or trauma and that time to then to get my head in order to become strong and act in the interests of another or myself (to be there for them). I freeze. After that incident I did become very strong for my daughter, a rock, and have helped her get through it at to the degree that now she can work etc. She stopped the drug dependency because of a major scare to her health as a result. So far she has continued to be free of substance abuse thankfully.

My husband is great in emergencies as he fought in active war service. But he is the opposite to me, he reacts and feels the pain later, and that's when my strength kicks in. So we have been good for each other that way. My mental issues can be extremely trying in relationships because of the above and a lot of others would of run by now I think. My husband can get edgy with me, but he is loyal mainly because when he was sick I was a rock and a loyal carer that stood by his side as well. Made him fight when he wanted to give up. So again we are good for each other. A team. And we are both stronger for being together than we would be apart. I think we have been brought to each other for a reason as one may not have survived without the other. And we share the same values. He is a good man.

But you @Maggie@Owlunar@Adge are so strong. Much more so than you think. I so admire you all and love our discussions. Helps me too.

You are a good person @Maggie. Yes, being there for others does make a lot of sense and is so fulfilling. But we also need to nurture ourselves I am learning. Our health, happiness and well being is just as important. Please don't forget that (as I did). Each time you go out for a walk and a drive etc you are enhancing your own well being and happiness. Equally as important. Please keep doing this when you can as you will be happier. I intend to slowly build up doing the same.

Our contracts exchanged this morning. Happy days!! All is good on that front. But my volunteer work I am a little frustrated with. I wanted to work in the new shop when it is busy but they gave those hours to someone else. I was very upset by this. They are worried about my injuries and want me well I was told - but I am feeling undervalued. I have a great need to be busy - not sit there and do nothing. I will have to communicate this with them as if I don't feel I am doing something productive I will leave and try and find something else. Then if I leave my husband will follow (who is a board member). This is part of my self care - I need to be busy to cope with my mental issues as if I am not I can get into quite a bad state. I need to feel wanted and needed. I need to be doing something that makes a positive difference in overs lives, like you @Maggie. So I will see what will happen. Why does life have to always be so complicated? All I want to do is help others and keep busy!! This also helps society as I seek nothing in return with no motive. Why can't it just happen. Come on universe lol.

Just releasing a bit of frustration there. How has your day been @Maggie? What did you end up doing? I like to stay and home and potter at times but find if I spend too much time in it depression will assail me. Hope you also had a good day @Adge@Owlunar@oceangirl@Faith-and-Hope@Zoe7. Please let us all know how you are doing 💜❤️💜❤️🤗xxx

@Owlunar - I did mean to add that I know what you mean about the trauma of having someone whom was suppose to love and protect "not believe us" and/or punish us when we tell of our abuse. Its shocking. It's adds insult to injury and can trigger internal anger as the grief increases. My anger grew such that at times I hit back, but I came away much worse off. My resentment and anger grew to the extent that I drank it away many, many years ago. Which just made matters worse. Thankfully I gave that away a long time ago or it would of killed me.

At the very least your mother should of given you the benefit of the doubt and err on the side of caution. Which in a unspoken way she may of done for not allowing you in the presence of those teenagers alone again. It does sound to me that your mother "may not have been able to handle the reality of your accusation" and "didn't want to know", so it's easier to believe you have lied as it would of resulted in grief for her to have addressed it. This is a morally inept personality. And she may also of wanted to protect the offenders.....Which in reality does not help their character or happiness either. As when anyone gets away with harmful and bad behaviour it empowers them to do worse and grow in that persona, which only will cause emptiness/depression for them and all parties involved in the end. Hence why I never let my daughter get away with anything anymore. She is learning now. Hopefully sooner than later. Warm hugs xxxxx

Good afternoon @Former-Member Yes all so very similar. My mother was an alcoholic with narcissistic temperament, but I honestly believe she was very mentally unwell and not diagnosed. In those days it was shameful so everything was swept under the carpet.

Self care is very difficult for me and I believe many others here, but I'm trying to do small things, like walking, which I didn't do again. I'm also trying not to mentally beat myself up when I don't do what I hoped to do. I also freeze in many circumstances. It was a survival technique. If I took flight or fight, more would have happened.

Your relationship with both your husband and daughter is really good. It's hard with your daughter I understand that, but you love her, that's obvious, and she loves you right back underneath all the layers.

I've done some cross stitch this afternoon, also planted a jasmine climber on my back fence. No one lives out the back so it can grow wild. Very windy here but not too cold. Snow on the mountains.