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Something’s not right

-Enigma-

-Enigma-

I have given up now - no one can say it was not without a fight. But then no one on heaven and earth would give a damn anyway. I gave from the heart and it was a joy to help others. I felt such peace with that. I never did it for anything in return ever, I did it because I truly cared and felt so much genuine compassion towards others. I was promised dreams and peace would come true even though I never asked. It felt so good to know I made someone's lives a bit better.

Why is it that people like me are then faced with so much heartache, injustice, trauma and adversity that seeks to do everything in its power to destroy that good, to take the little good and peace I had, to utterly destroy me. Why?

I had always been there when possible others times of need - now that I truly need someone I have been all but abandoned by those I knew and those in the spirit. I realise now everything was a lie and feel utterless helpless and lost. I have lost everything and don't see the point in being here. I hope I don't wake up to another day of despair.

1732 replies

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In response to: -Enigma-

Re: Over The Edge

Thank you @Maggie@Owlunar@Shaz51@oceangirl and everyone. I love my little forum family here who truly care.

Hello @Owlunar - so good to see a post from you! 🙋 Made my day. Your posts are always so warm and inspiring. Love receiving them. Hope your day was a good one.

Hello sweet @Shaz51 - so pleased you are thinking of me also. Makes such a difference to know people wish me well....such a difference. I think @Maggie hit the nail on the head - I have been under too much strain, been suffering for too long. And something had to give before I did. Thank goodness some good news came along.

How has your day been @Maggie? It sounds like you live in such a beautiful part of the world. I love nature too and it is so healing - especially experiencing it with a good friend and loved one. Icing on the cake 😊 I have a strong feeling you have taken a big step now - there is noturning back @Maggie, the real you is starting to step out and emerge. She is beautiful and will blossom like a flower giving off its intoxicating scent to the world. And others will want to be near you more.

The more you do this the more your confidence will grow, and the less your anxiety will become. Trust me. It's healing. All in time but you are headed in the right direction and good things are waiting. They are already starting to happen. You truly deserve it, embrace it.

Not sure where that came from but it was straight from the heart.

My day was good as it could be. I am still on the mend which will take time but I do believe the tide for me is just starting to turn. Hopefully it is for my daughter too but that will be up to her to keep making better choices, and yes, if her MI does not deterioate. I do hope she can meet more positive individuals who will treat her right and bring the best out in her, as I know in my heart that will help keep her feet on the ground. I suppose that's all mothers hopes for their children. To be love and respected. Taken care of.

I can't tell you how long I have waited, how hard I have worked, how much I have suffered, how much I have hope and prayed to obtained the new home and location I am about to pursue. So there may just be an end to all this suffering soon. It's nice to have a glimpse of that light. Feels so right. Depression feels oh so wrong and incredibly overwhelmingly sad. I do understand that life is life and there will be degrees of suffering for all - but I felt mine was getting too long in the tooth. That "no way out" suffocation was starting to encroach beckoning despair to take its ugly course. But that glimmer of a better future is now showing me something else. And I can breathe again. I love a breather 😊

Yes, as soon as I pick up in strength I will start the collaborative short story group. Glad to see you a willing to give it a go! Should be lots of fun. Will have to put my thinking cap on to think up a theme. Should be interesting. I am sure we will get a few more on board also when I start it up.

Do you have plans for the weekend @Maggie? Mine is currently not very exciting just housework tomorrow (the light duties I can do, hubby does the rest), but may incorporate some cross stitch and reading in with that. I will see how I go. Have a relaxing evening my friend. Talk again soon. Hugs xx

In response to: Re: Over The Edge

Re: Over The Edge

Good morning @Former-Member I'm going to sing you a song this morning. I wrote this a few months ago.

I'm trapped inside my darkness

Murky waters mud and tears

My life is filled with painfulness

My days are full of fears

I'm remembering a story

I heard not long ago

About a lotus flower

And conditions where they grow

I could see so very clearly

As her life gently unfolds

That the lotus flower blooms brightly

Every petal treasures hold

So though I'm trapped in darkness

I'm hopeing in my heart

Is a lotus seed unfolding

To emerge through deepest dark

Lotus flower lotus flower

So beautiful to see

Resembling so many

Trapped in darkness mud and fears

So clear to see your beauty

And stand in deepest awe

Your growth came through the darkest times

Through struggles now unseen

Lotus flower lotus flower

So beautiful to see

Lotus flower lotus flower

Bloom in me.

In response to: -Enigma-

Re: Over The Edge

That is beautiful @Maggie hi @Former-Member I've been reading your posts I'd be interested in a writing group how are you both doing today

In response to: Re: Over The Edge

Re: Over The Edge

That's really beautiful @Maggie

It would be easy to write into a song - but in a minor key - I don't think I could do that - but heck - I can try

Do you mind if I copy it?

Dec

In response to: Re: Over The Edge

Re: Over The Edge

@Owlunar thank you so much, you are very welcome to copy it. You made my day. Hope yours is going well.

In response to: Re: Over The Edge

Re: Over The Edge

Hi @Pepsimax thank you. Are you having a goodish day. I will go over to your thread and see later. I'm trying to get some cleaning done, but no luck so far.

In response to: Re: Over The Edge

Re: Over The Edge

Hi @Maggie

It's really great to know I have made your day - well - that would make a lovely song - but really I just like to do a little private composing now and again and your metre in the poem sounds melodic

My day - ah - started off a little rough around the edges but okay now - I have prepared crumbed cutlets for dinner with salad and in the process of baking the cookies I planned to cook last weekend - then Monday, maybe Tuesday and kinda forgot

But I have done it and the cookie batter taste great - I guess the cookies will too

Dec

In response to: Re: Over The Edge

Re: Over The Edge

Oh wow @Maggie - I love your song lyrics!!! Sorry I was slow to respond today - we had been out all day visiting the site where our new house will be built. Unfortunately we were caught up in a road accident fatality just in front of us. It was horrific and we were caught in traffic going there and coming back. It's awful to witness such.

So coming home to read your song gave me a real boost. Indeed the lotus seed is unfolding within my friend - I felt this and expressed it in my last post. Your song confirmed it 😊 Keep going my friend. Keeping writing lyrics. Do you have any tunes in mind? If you have the chance to copyright it please do so (I believe a simple procedure which can be done through the internet now?). This way you may have an opportunity to send it, perhaps through an agency, for the perusal of recording artist/musicians. You never know - one just may take a shine to it.

Hi @Owlunar@Pepsimax. 🙋Hope your day was good. @Pepsimax - I will definitely start organising a theme for the writing group. It will probably take me a few weeks to organise and then I will post it. I will tag you when I do. Glad you are interested - it should be a lot of fun. And others will eventually jump on board too I am sure 😊

Have a relaxing evening everybody. A warm shoutout to @Shaz51@oceangirl@Appleblossom@Faith-and-Hope@Adgeand all my forum friends. How are you all doing?

In response to: Re: Over The Edge

Re: Over The Edge

That is beautiful picture @Maggie xxxx

hello @Former-Member

In response to: Re: Over The Edge

Re: Over The Edge

@Shaz51 💜❤️💜❤️💜❤️🤗🌹 - hope all is good in your world xx

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