-Enigma-

Thanks @Former-Member - no I am not expressing my emotions during the day. That would just upset my husband and I have no one else to talk to about them. I dont see a psychologist/psychiatrist- have had trouble in the past finding a good one that can relate. But may have to try again. I am a complete mess at the moment. It's the rising panic as a result of the depression that is troubling me the most. Rising distress levels....

I will try not to listen to the negativity - it's huge at the moment. Will try and distract. But in a bad way - it's certainly no joke at the moment. Not just a passing sadness, something is tipping in me. And I am alone.

I will admit to some internal anger here that I am harbouring that is causing havoc. Yes, I try to be there for everyone in real life. When there is a crisis happening to me no one is there. I feel forsaken

@Former-Member I'm afraid I'm not much help as I'm stuck in the darkness myself. But if it makes any difference at all, you are valued and very important to me. No words of wisdom, but I hear you dear lady is all I can offer. Let's sit by the candle together, we don't have to say anything, just be.

hello @Former-Member

I can tell that you really are struggling ...I do know how awful that is...as much as you dont want to...ring a helpline

panic, anxiety rising on top of the depression is hard to deal with

an appointment with your gp would be a good idea and asking for a referral to a psychiatrist or psychologist. possibly psychiatrist if you are already on medication or possibly need some for the short term. try not to compare past experiences as difficult as that can be

when we get so bad the hardest part is accepting that we do need professional help. this is not a setback, failing, going backwards. this is a sign that life has been b.....y hard again. we are human just like everyone else. we do have needs just like everyone else. we hurt just like everyone else. we are entitled to be helped, cared for, loved just like everyone else.

our husbands, partners often cant deal with seeing us vulnerable, hurting. they feel that they have failed, they should be able to help, they are feeling their own inadequacies and not liking it one bit. they have to get on with it and look after themselves for a while!!

do this for you, forget about volunteering, others needing you at the moment.

YOU need YOU right now. so be gentle and kind with you as you would others.

Hello again @Former-Member@Maggie

Thank youfor the support. I did ring someone - the rising panic was too dangerous to deal with. In a nutshell it would seem this has been triggered by physical trauma to the body (resulting in psychological trauma). Me being me I try and palm it off like nothing (being in denial) but it has effected me more than I have admitted. So I have been advised to distract for now and first thing tomorrow to get a referral to a psychiatrist. Who would think physical trauma, injury could do that? But at least it's helped the panic. I didn't feel right physically and my perception is out.......it's awful.

Thank you for being there @Former-Member@Maggie@Faith-and-Hope - you really helped save me this time xx

@Former-Member @Maggie @Faith-and-Hope

we are being there for you when we can as you are for us.

pleased to hear that you sought help... follow through with referral

rest now xxxxxxxx

@Former-Member@Former-Member@Faith-and-Hope

@Maggie - that was so beautiful. I really needed to read that. Powerful words that heal. When distressed/depressed I can't see it. And that worries my husband.

I have calmed somewhat but still feel lousy. Your post really picked me up. Thank you my beautiful friend 💜🤗

@Former-Member I find a nice hot shower if you can manage it helps. Others have scented baths and candle, as I don't have a bath I go for the shower. Try to spoil yourself a little. Could you go for a coffee somewhere? Or, just sit if that's all you are able, guilt free. Thinking of you. Warm wishes coming your way.

Hi @Maggie

A warm shower does help the pain - I am in it 24/7 and I aggravated my injuries by doing to much. It's driving me crazy being restricted so much. I am use to being more active. So my distress levels are high presently. I need more patience and resilience. I am also slightly scared of my ribs breaking and breathing collapsing if I push it. My poor husband has to do most things and he isn't well. Not a good situation.

But a bit of good did happen later today. My husband has been very compassionately (my perception was out) and caring, and we received a phone call stating the sale of the home that we attempted to secure a month or so ago (a long story) that we were gazumpted on we have once again retained. Contracts will be exchanged in the next few days. Thankfully the home will be built from scratch (it's off the plan) and we won't have to move until 12 months, so that gives me time to heal. So there was some good 😊 Along with your friendship which I see as a higher good. You, @Former-Member@Faith-and-Hope@Zoe7 are so close to my heart. I feel nothing but an overwhelming love when I think of you all. I just hope I can help you all as much as you have supported me these last few weeks, and unfortunately undoubtedly some weeks to come as I am still struggling.

I was so glad to read the post you sent as what was said there is what has kept me mentally stronger in the past. I just think when we are distressed and depressed we have more trouble believing it and there lyes the problem. I am feeling better now, just in so much pain. I have to write out a "day plan" to follow now where I make sure I don't over do it and make myself worse again.

I hope your day was better my friend. Is it still cold your way? xxxx